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Feel like crap ! I'm such a bad friend - need to vent
This might be a long one so bare with me.
Firstly its been 3 weeks since my mc and i still feel so empty, we were going to ttc again but now I think hubby wants to put it off for 18 months or so, this is so sad as in some ways I dont feel like i can deal with the mc until i am pg again. We did bd the first week after I stopped bleeding but nothing since so i know I cant have fallen pg.
Then after much debating whether to go or not I decided to go to my friends dd's 1st birthday party last weekend, of course this FRIEND who knows i mc and am devestated not only slated the present I bought her daughter infront of everyone (i dont have much money so worked really hard trying to find a good cheap gift) which made me feel crap but also failed to tell me that nigh on all the female guests were either heavily pg or had just had babies, I swear there was not another child other than my own who was older than 3 months ! It meant I spent the rest of the party trying to avoid everyone and probably looked seriously rude !! I eventually got home and obviously I was distraught !
Then today I go on to FB and see that another of my friends who always declared she never wanted kids just annouced that she's 22 weeks pg and included pics, and so again I feel distraught and am all on my own !
Why cant I get over this and move on, i'm still watching my cm and stuff and symptom spotting even though I know pg is not possible and whats the point in monitoring the cm when i wont be ttc ? I'm dreading the day one of my closest friends comes to me and says their pg, i'm not sure I could handle it.
Firstly its been 3 weeks since my mc and i still feel so empty, we were going to ttc again but now I think hubby wants to put it off for 18 months or so, this is so sad as in some ways I dont feel like i can deal with the mc until i am pg again. We did bd the first week after I stopped bleeding but nothing since so i know I cant have fallen pg.
Then after much debating whether to go or not I decided to go to my friends dd's 1st birthday party last weekend, of course this FRIEND who knows i mc and am devestated not only slated the present I bought her daughter infront of everyone (i dont have much money so worked really hard trying to find a good cheap gift) which made me feel crap but also failed to tell me that nigh on all the female guests were either heavily pg or had just had babies, I swear there was not another child other than my own who was older than 3 months ! It meant I spent the rest of the party trying to avoid everyone and probably looked seriously rude !! I eventually got home and obviously I was distraught !
Then today I go on to FB and see that another of my friends who always declared she never wanted kids just annouced that she's 22 weeks pg and included pics, and so again I feel distraught and am all on my own !
Why cant I get over this and move on, i'm still watching my cm and stuff and symptom spotting even though I know pg is not possible and whats the point in monitoring the cm when i wont be ttc ? I'm dreading the day one of my closest friends comes to me and says their pg, i'm not sure I could handle it.
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Replies
I think it was terrible what your friend said about present :evil: it was nice that you got her DD a present no matter who much you spend on it grrr people like this make me so angry!!!
I know so many people that are pregnant(one who is due in Feb like we were
My cousin is due next week and I am going to go see him when he born and I can not wait to see him but also will be a bit envy of her.
Gem xx
you say this person is a friend i would be LIVID at HE
R not YOU! How dare she slate your present at all never mind in front of the other guests...money is an issue with most people atm and you have a DD to look after too so getting her any present at all was nice of you and the fact that you REALLY tried hard to select a good gift on a budget....and after everything that has been going on you still chose to go to the party! i hate how some people can be so ungrateful and materialistic!
The fact that she forgot to mention that the guests would all be of a much younger age than ur DD (after all u would expect to see some toddlers at a 1st bday) or of pregnant state is just mean in my opinion! I doubt it was done on purpose but its just insensitive...your friend could have warned you or explained to other guests why you were distant so you didn't feel so uncomfortable!
I am RAGING on your behalf and then you come on here saying your a bad friend i infact think you are a VERY GOOD friend for doing this and putting up with that without decking her lol!
Im with you on the TTC my partner is not keen on the idea as our first pregnancy wasnt planned but he was happy and excited as was i over it! But hes saying he wants to be in a better situ financially and that before we plan it i was thinkng of waiting maybe 3 months so i can lose weight and be in premium fitness but hes tlkin YEARS and like you i dont think i can wait that long! Feel i need to get pregnant to help me through this time! I too feel so very empty and just want a baby inside me again and many have said i cant replace the baby i lost and im not trying too but i wanna be a mummy very badly! I get why my partner and possibly yours is scared to try again in case we miscarry again after all they hurt to and then watched us hurting knowing there was nothing they could do! But then they dont have the biological urge to carry and have a baby like we do so yes im in total sympathy with you!
Its always hard to see ppl with babies especially when they dont really want them and we maybe feel they dont deserve them like us! I wanted kids but mine wasnt planned i was on the implant and what not! So a lot of insensitive ppl have said that this was a blessing as we didnt plan the pregnancy but its not to say the baby wasnt loved and wanted! But when ppl who have said they dont want kids announce pregnancys it makes me a bit mad and utterly jelous and they will make good mums im sure but at first it is very difficult! Im surrounded by pregnancy atm...my two cousins are expecting in November 2 weeks apart and my friend at work is due in between them....then another friend is due the week after i would have been! I dont know if im going to be able to see the babies at first as the jelousy i feel towards them atm is unreal....my cousin has 4 kids already and not that it would be better for her to miscarry than me but i feel like its unfair as i dont have any! Its nature not you being a bad person! You always just feel 'good for you' but by god i wish it were me! These things i am learning take time to get over it despite what others may think.....its only been a week since my MC and i was 10 weeks along....my mum said i should draw a line and move on....i only wish it were that simple if i could make my emotions do that then hey yeah course i would! Im finding taking it day by day is the most effective thing to do....good days and bad days and im hoping the bad days will get further and further apart....and im silently hoping that my partner decides we can try again soon.....Good Luck hun but PLEASE dont feel like a bad person/friend your totally normal and a really nice person by the sound of it! Very sorry for the essay but felt it was needed lol....xxx
Thanks for your replies, you've made me feel much better. I think yesterday seeing someone I know pg on FB just bought it all to the forefront again, but I had a good cry with my hubby when he got home and I feel a bit more normal now.
You know bumpwisher ive had so many people tell me there is no way this girl is any kind of friend to me as there are alot of examples of her being less than nice to me (and to my dd) but yet I still keep trying to act like we're friends. She's one of these people who makes little comments, you know the sort that any bystander would think was innocent but that between me and her we know that they're not. She even called my dd fat, she's not by any means. i mean she's not petite, she's fairly tall with baby chubby legs where as her dd (who is 4 months younger) is very petite, no fat on her whatsoever.
People like her aren't worth it.
Sending you big hugs
xxxx