What to do....

Hey ladies
thanks for all your messages of support on my previous post its lovely to know that i am not alone...
It is 7 days 2morro since my m/c started and i have stopped bleeding now which is great image

However me and sam had sex for the first time since last night after a cpl of drinks but he insisted we use a condom! So i decided to broach the question of trying again this morning and i was not convinced of the answer i received!

I said will we start trying once my cycles are back to normal? He replied....'well we didnt plan it this time and i do want a baby but not now...i want to be in a good job and financially stable and that' but i CANT wait that long not now! Initially i had planned to wait but i was broody i wanted to do the right thing house money marriage etc....but not now i NEED to have a baby and it isn't to replace the one i lost! I just feel i was born to be a mother and i am one already i just have no baby and it kills me that i got to experience the early part of pregnancy but i don't get my baby at the end and that is not fair!

I really dont know what to do atm....i explained that i wanted a baby and soon and he was like yeah but i am scared that this happens again i don't wanna see you go through this again and i am killing inside over it i am so angry and i don't know if i can risk it again! He also said he couldn't believe i was considering it so soon i wasn't wanting a yes or no answer just needed to talk it out and see where we stood and i don't like where its headed! We decided to just talk it over later when the pain wasn't as roar...!

I LOVE Sam to death and of course i'm scared about it too the risk is huge but its worth it if it works! I told sam that just cause it happens once doesn't mean it will happen again recurrent miscarriages aren't that common are they? And whether we try now or in 3 years if im going to miscarry ill miscarry that's how i'm looking at it anyways! Is that silly? I mean i'm waiting a cpl months anyway to PLAN it....i'm going to lose some weight and take folic acid and work out my cycles as i LITERALLY have NO idea what thats all about but i can not TTC without Sam and i dunno what im going to do if he says no!

Anyone else been in this situ?!


  • Hi there, firstly i am so so sorry for your loss.
    I had a nmc on 5th July at 9 weeks so I can understand how you are feeling. I was amazed how quickly I felt that I wanted to TTC again. My OH had the same response as yous. You have to remember they have watched you go through a horrific experience physically. I bled for over 2 weeks, it got worse everyday and I didnt MC till then end. My OH was cleaning blood from the bathroom floor, and held me while I MC in the toilet. Sorry thats graphic, but it happened. When it is happening to us, our only concern is the baby, we dont think about ourselves. The OHs are worried for us both. My OH is terrified encase it happens again. He says that he never felt so helpless, and that he let me down). Sometimes it is easy to get wrapped up in oursleves, but remember the MC happened to you both. Its still very early days. Try to give yourself some peace,I do know thats not easy. You still have to heal and take some time for just the 2 of you. You both may feel differently in the near future. Hope things get a bit easier for you. Take care xxx
  • Hi Hun.I'm sorry about your mc and hope your getting enough Support. I think this is a tough situation for you, I think your partner is understandably worried and his reaction could be grief.was he happy that you were pregnant? I don't know what to advise because we started trying immediately after my mc as we felt it wAs our way of honouring our lost baby and a good way to deal with the grief we felt. I totally understand your need to try again, I was exactly the same. I think you should wait another week and speak to him again. It might be that he isn't ready which is going to be horrible to deal with and you will also need to discuss how long your going to have to wait for Sam. It's a life altering decision. I wish you all the luck hun. Hugs to you x
  • Hi hun,

    My OH was as worried as yours, like someone else said, they worried for us! They watched us in physical pain, blood and tears and that must have been hard for them. I know i'd rather be the one going through it than the one watching someone i loved going through it and feeling totally helpless. My OH kept saying how he was terrified it might happen again but you're right, recurrent mc's are very rare and very unlikely! Even if it does happen again there's still a good chance that it's just bad luck with the chromosones etc and there's nothing wrong with you but it is very scary!

    I had an mc in April/May and i am now 5+3 with my second pregnancy. It's safe to say i'm absolutely petrified of losing my baby again. But i think if we'd have waited a year, 2 years, 10 years, i would still be terrified. I lost my baby at 6+3 last time and that stage is rapidly approaching!

    I think you need to reassure your OH that should it happen again, you'll cope! Also with regards to finances etc, i would just suggest that you were going to make it work last time so what would be so different now. Ideally we'd all be millionaires with 60 nannies to assist us but we're not and most of us never will be! I finished my degree last year and i've stuck with my job thats 18 hours a week as it's better hours when i have the baby. Yes money will be tight but not as tight as it would have been should i have been in a well paid job with a bigger mortgage and then a bigger drop when it came to the pittance that is SMP. Perhaps suggest saving to cover the cost of maternity leave?

    Other than that, if he's really not ready, then i guess you're gonna have to wait until he is! But men can be easily persuaded, or so i find!

    I understand your urge i really do and i hope you manage to persuade your OH!

  • Thanks ladies....
    i may try to discuss it again n a week or so when i start losing some weight! I need to anyways so no harm in it!
    I understand that he hates seeing me in pain and i have told him that if we were to try again and i lost the baby again then i would be devastated but i could cope....its worth all the pain if we get too have a baby! I really cant wait for much longer without having a baby!
    Ive just got a new job which should pay good and we are both at home atm but we could live together if we wanted friends have offered to rent us there old house for next to nothing so its possible and with our wages we can save up! xxx
  • Yeah we are quite open and honest it seems the only way for us! Awww thats horrible for you not being able to have another one...its awful that you have had to go through this twice! image
    I hope that things get easier for you...and dont worry have you seen my pots....xxx
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