The magic has gone!

Hi Ladies,

I feel so awful for feeling this but had to come on here and see if anyone else does or what I can do to get the magic back?!

I m/c in September and the best thing for us was to start ttc again straight away as the baby was planned months in advance and would feel like an unbearable wait if we had put it off.

I honestly (and very naively) thought i'd fall straight away. I ovulated only 2 days late in the first month and everything was looking great, so I felt shattered when I got BFN. Well we are now on month 3 and i;m getting so frustrated with my body. I feel like we don't 'make love' anymore and we're only doing it to 'make a baby'. Although I try to pretend otherwise I feel that all the romance has gone from it and i'm not interested unless it's over a fertile time! This sounds even worse when I put it into words. I dread it when hubby is 'in the mood' when I know it has no benefit to the process and feel like there's no point in doing it.

Hubby has been fantastic but i feel like i'll never be able to enjoy it, at least until i've conceived and our family is complete.

I feel like such a failure as a wife :cry::cry:

Sorry to be so depressing!

Amy xxx


  • aw hun, try not to be so hard on your self! i take it you track ov then? i find this helps to stop things getting to mundane as we can BD when we like and just make more effort around OV time. my mc was my first pg to and planned, we were letting things happen on their own for almost a year but then i got my cbfm and fell pg the first month so obviously we'd been BD'ing at the wrong time! i'm now in the 2ww of cycel 3 following my mc. and my body is still doing some odd things (had some bleeding this month just before OV) you're not alone in feeling frustrated. and it'[s only this cycle that i feel more positive that it will happen at some point instead of stressing. xxx
  • You're not alone, that's exactly how I felt when we started trying and i suspect will get that way again when start tring again in January.

    Awful as if hubby started getting a bit creative i'd just think, just get on with it! x x
  • Hun im so sorry your feeling this way. Who ever said it had to be so hard eh!!

    The advice that I can offer you is by drawing on my own experiences.

    When we 1st mmc in Jan at 12wks I had no idea just how common mc was & we wanted to get started as soon as we could by the time my 1st af arrived 2 months later I felt that emotionally I was in a better place, I started using cheap opk's & just thought it would happen straight away, I was so tense & would tell oh that we had to bd on these days & it had to be in a certain position & then I would have to keep my legs in the air for so long!! It all became so clinical & boring!! I then got a cbfm which I love but after then conceiving the 1st month using it (June) but having a chem pg I just got fed up & oh suggested we tried to relax a bit & just go with the flow so I agreed even tho we hate those words "relax". We started to enjoy eachother again & I tried not to count cycle days but knew roughly when I ov'ed I didnt think we had bd enough that month to conceive but poas just for the hell of it & got a nice strong BFP 4 days before AF was due!!! Sadly we mmc at 9 wks butI think the fact that we had just gone with the flow helped us & now we have taken a short break due to having tests done I now feel in a better state of mind & dont feel obsessed with ttc I feel more confident that it will happen & be a success & we can enjoy eachother again in the meantime.

    Sorry that was so long hun.

    Hope you feel better soon xxx
  • I think it's totally normal that you have gone off sex a bit! Afterall, sex is what led to the mc. I felt like that for a while. Right after the mmc I wanted to start trying again, but hubby wanted to wait (long boring story to do with due dates). Having sex with a condom, for no particular reason other than enjoying ourselves, seemed so pointless!! To be honest for a little while I was just going through the motions, but then after a while I started enjoying it again. I think it was the break from ttc that helped me enjoy it again, as it didn't matter when we did it. Perhaps that could help you?
  • I like your honesty. I must admit, sex has become a bit of a baby making process for us too. We only started TTC again this month as well! It took 4 months last time before MMC and I don't have the patience for a long wait. None of us do I suppose!

    I have no wise words of advice other than I'm sure the sizzle and je ne sais quois will return to our sex lives again one day.

  • Thank you so much ladies.

    I'm glad (in an awful way) that i'm not the only one with these kind of feelings.

    Hubby was so funny last night. I'm ov'ing so obviously we've been going for it, and after about 5 mins of doing the old 'neck kissing' thing when we're trying to watch tele, he said, 'What's going on? You've normally told me to sod off by now!!' Needless to say he was a very happy man after I told him that I was oving. Made me realise how much he tries and how much I reject him though! Poor bloke!

    I don't know why but we both have a really good feeling about this month. Maybe it's because it's Christmas and everyones in high spirits but I really hope this can be our month. Testing on New Year's day so fingers crossed for the best start to 2010! xx
  • Amy, I hope it's your month too. XXXSara
  • Thank you Sara, will keep you posted! xx
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