Forum home› Getting pregnant› Trying to conceive

Do family/friends talk about mc to u anymore???

Dear all,

I'm more of a lurker on here....but need to talk about something that's been upsetting me.....

I had a mmc about 6 months ago, I was absolutely devastated- oh & I had been ttc for 8 months. When it happened my family & friends were so supportive & would talk to me about it & I found it much better to talk about my feelings rather than keep them all bottled up.

When I found out I was pg, my sis-in law also found out she was pg & in the last few months my other sis-in law has announced she is pg too and I am really pleased for them. I still get upset about the mc now especially when i see my my sis-in laws & see their bumps growing & them getting excited about the pg.....what is upsetting me is that my mum/sister don't talk about the mc with me anymore, they don't even ask how i am feeling about things or anything....i am getting more & more worked up by this as it really upsets me that my mum ( who I am really close to) doesn't ask me properly how i'm feeling - especially now there are bumps around.....

I just wondered how your family/friends are with you now?? Do they still talk to u about it all?? The only person who I can talk to about it is oh - who has been absolutely great but I wish my mum would talk to me about it.

Sorry for going on......just seems to have flooded out & am crying as I type this... :cry:

Thanks
T xxxx

Replies

  • Aw hun huge hug xxx in answer to your question, no, my mum never talks about it and if I bring it up she seems awkward, I am sure she thinks I am being melodramatic about it. As a consequence I try not to talk about it too much, just come on here. I bet your mum and sister have not been through it? The one thing I have learnt from this is that someone who has not been through it cannot properly support you, they try and then they move on when they assume you have. Try not to be too upset or hard on them, they probably think you don't want to be reminded of it. I know it is not the same but we are all here for you if you need us xxx
  • Thanks for replying socks. My mum or sister haven't been through it...you're right, unless you have been through it yourself you can't begin to understand what we're feeling.

    I don;t know whether to just carry on with things & not ever mention it or whether I should say something to my mum.....it's really upsetting me. What do u think?

    Thanks. xx
  • I too feel that people feel I shld have moved on by now (its been 8 weeks tomorrow).
    My hubby talks to me about it and asks me how I am feeling etc but mum, sister, dad etc never talk about it.

    I get so choked still now when I think back to that terrible day when it all happened.

    I am so sorry hunny xx
  • hi im a lurker here too mainly i come on to offer support as ive been here b4 more than once sadly. im 5 yrs on from my last mc and although ive had 3 healthy babies since then i am still torn appart by the pain and guilt. my family stopped talking about it after a bout 9 weeks but my sister still sends a thinking of u card on my girls due dates which means so much. have you tried talking to anyone from miscarriage alliance you can google them to get contact info. i bought a prety box for each of my babies and a teddy i put everything in the boxs scans socks i bought and a letter i put everything i felt in there poured out my heart and it helped. i wish i could do or say something more for you hun just know there are people hear for you xxxxx
  • I think if it is upsetting you this much maybne you should talk to your mum, I am very close to my mum and she would hate to think she was causing me pain as I am sure yours would but I would be gentle with it xx in the meantime we all understand and you can grieve with us xxx
  • Thank u girlies for your replies and your support.......it means a lot. My heart goes out to you all for the pain that we have been through.

    I know my mum would hate to think she was making me upset.....really not sure what to do. It's just my mum has always been one for talking about things & never bottling it all up yet she doesn't mention the mc at all? Think I might say something gently when the time is right.

    Thanks again. xxxx
  • In that case she is probably worried she will upset you more if she keeps reminding you about it. If she is usually one for talking then definately talk to her about it xx hope you are feeling a little better xx
  • nobody asks me either. my mum said she never had any problems getting pregnant when we were leaving the epu after scan! and i was talking about mat leave and cost of nurseries tonight for when we do have a baby and she said, "you're not even pregnant yet. one step at a time" so she is probably not the best person to talk to anyway.
  • Hey Nat, really sorry to hear that this is upsetting you. You're right, it is hard to understand how a mc makes you feel until you've been through it yourself. My hubby's cousin had three mc's before she had their baby last year, and tbh I didn't really talk to her about it at the time as I just didn't know what to say, but she has been so supportive to me, and has said that you don't understand the loss and pain until it has happened to you.

    I'm thinking the same as Socks though, that maybe your mum doesn't mention it any more in case she thinks it will bring back all the pain for you and upset you? Its been a couple of months for me since mine, and already I feel as though people have forgotten all about it. I'm sure they haven't, but I think that they see me coping now and perhaps don't want to make me think about it more than I do already. It sounds like you are close to your mum though, so if it is making you feel this sad then maybe a little word wouldn't be a bad thing? Just let her know that somedays you still feel down about it, and it would be nice to know that you know she is thinking about you by asking.

    Hope you find a way to talk to her about it,
    Take care,
    Caroline xxx
  • hi i had a mmc on 29th sept, we had gone to the 12 week scan and the sonogropher told us our baby had stopped developing aroung 7 weeks. i waited for a natural mc but ended up in hospital having the baby removed which forceps. i was off work for 2 weeks after and my mum and dad came to see me most days, but since iv been back at work my mc hasnt been mentiond, even oh doesnt talk about it and if i mention it to him he doesnt really say anything so i feel quite alone image

    sept 29 2008 was the worst day of my life, but even oh seems to have moved on and all i think about is the baby we lost and trying to get preg again, we are on month 2 ttc again...

    im sorry for your loss but just wanted to let you know your not on your own!

    ashy xxx
  • My ectopic was 22nd September, and we are now on the 2nd month TTC.

    If I want to talk about it with H2B I have to bring it up. It makes me quite angry and upset at times because it makes me feel like he doesn't care. He says he just has a different way of dealing with it. I would rather he showed me that he cared though by talking to me

    My friends text me and ask how I am. They don't actually really mention what happened so much but it is implied

    The only one to mention it in my family is my mum really. She has gone out of her way to find out more information that can reassure me, like losing a tube doesn't make too much difference anyway. She had to see her doctor and asked her about me, and she spoke to a midwife we used to know who now lives in Sydney. When actually talking about the baby though, she does say that is wasn't a baby yet, which kind of upsets me because it was to me

    I saw my nan for the first time since my ectopic last week, and she asked how I was and told me to look after myself

    So I would say generally it is implied by people more than anything

    Sorry for the essay- thinking of you all

  • Hi Calleigh, Caroline, ashy & Kimmy, ....& socks MrsKittyboo, lollyhatch!!!

    Thanks so much for your replies. I'm really sorry to hear about all of your mc's. It does seem that for lots of people the mc doesn't get mentioned after a while really - I can understand that people would probably think that talking about it would make us upset....but actually my thinking is that talking about it really helps me in dealing with it more.....kind of like counselling i suppose. It's just that it's really surprised me that my mum hasn't talked about as she is, as I said before, one for talking about things.

    Well.....it's good to know there are so many supportive girlies on here then!!! Thank u!!

    Think I will mention something to my mum at some point tho.

    Hope you've all had a good day!!! I am quite pleased today as I got the lovely egg symbol on my clearblue monitor this morning....i'm ovulating, yeeeeehahhh!!!!!

    xxxxx
  • Woohoo! Bet I can guess what you are up to tonight ... same as I am hoping to be! Now I just have to convince hubby that coughing all over him and sniffing is attractive hmm ... wish me luck! lol
  • Quick Bd !!!!!

    lol xxx

  • My family (mainly sisters and my mom) still talk to me about my M/C. It's been nearly a year and my 2 older sisters have had their second child and my younger sister is currently 30 wks PG. IDK about other women but I have moved on and realized that God wasn't ready to let go of an angel yet. I'm extremely glad that my sisters didn't have tog o through what I had to. I also realize that they are all just worried about me because I have bipolar disorder and I suffer from Manic depression and want to be sure I'm handling everything.
Sign In or Register to comment.