Joining you


Hi Ladies,

I hope it is ok that I join you? I am currently miscarrying-I should be 5+1. I know it is really early and when I have read some of the things you ladies have been through I can't believe how amazing you are and how well you have coped.

I'm Joy and I have 2 lo's-my ds is 4 and my dd 2.5, I know I am extremely lucky and blessed already. Our decision to try for a 3rd has been a hard one because I suffer with depression and it has been made worse by PND after my dd's birth. I also didn't have easy pgs and I lost my job last year so we were also worried about finances. We TTC'd on and off since May last year but I kept worrying about things. Then I fell pregnant and found out on 27th March and everything fell into place. I had been so worried about everything but it just felt right, I was so excited as were our family. I was really happy. On friday I said to my dh that I hate the fact depression makes you worry about being happy and that it was taking 'the shine' off the pregnancy for me. I'd done a CBD test and it was still showing 1-2 weeks pregnant where as it should have gone up. I blamed that for feeling so weird about it. On saturday I started having pains and then I started bleeding on Monday after a weekend of feeling part of the time it would be fine and the other knowing it was over. Now I am bleeding heavily-the pain isn't bad, better than expected, but the loss is a lot-more than I expected with a lot of clots. Today I want to go to the doctors even though there is no point. I just want to 'do' something.

I just feel so weird. My mum has just said to me this morning that I just have to enjoy my kids and of course I know that is true and I do, but it doesn't make losing this one any easier-it also would have been lovely, just like it's siblings.

I have a job interview next week for my dream job. I am of course really glad- but I don't want the job anymore-I just want to still be pregnant. We didn't know for long-but we still made so many plans, we got our heads round it and I started to see our family differently and imagine it with another little person.

Sorry for the depressing post- I know I am lucky in so many ways but today...I feel absolutely wretched.

Thanks for listening ladies,

Joy xxxx

Posts

  • Hi, I have been away from the site for a bit and thought I'd pop back in today. I had a missed misscarriage back in February. I went to my 12 week scan but found out the baby had died at 9 weeks. It was a truly horrendous time for me. I have three other children and have had people say similar things to your Mum, that i am lucky to have children and should concentrate on them etc. I know I am extremely blessed to have already got children but it doesnt make losing another one any easier. I found people seemed to think that because I already had little ones I could just shrug off my loss. It dosnt work that way, it was still a baby that I lost. I really understand how you feel I too had started planning ahead and imagining the addition to our family. It took me a long time to start to feel better but I am starting to pick up now and am looking forward to trying again.

    Every one on this site are great and really helped me through it, it is a great place to come and vent feelings on

    You should definately go to your job interview, you may not feel like it now but you dont want to look back sometime down the line and regret it.

    Look after yourself

    Jacqui
    xx
  • Hi sweetheart,

    reading your post has left tears in my eyes, I am so sorry to hear what you are going through right now.

    I had an early mc earlier this year and I know the pain you are going through, I bled on and off for 6/7 weeks and just wanted it stop.

    I am no expert on PND but I sincerely hope we can support you and help you get through this.

    Give your beautiful kids an extra big squeeze from me.

    Love MrsH xxx
  • Hi, so sorry to hear what you are going through. Just wanted to say thinking of you. Zxx
  • Hi Joy,

    I'm so sorry to see you here, I had everything crossed for you. This forum has been a lifesaver for me and evryone is here to support you x x
  • Hi
    Sorry to hear that you have to join us! We are all here for you! xx

  • Thank you ladies, thanks for the welcome. I can see how lovely and supportive this forum is.

    I ended up going to the EPU today- the mw I spoke to who was suppose to be doing my booking appointment and she wanted me to see the dr-he said he wanted an early scan to be done to check everything-I was suprised to be honest as the general feeling about MC under 6 weeks seems to be just to let nature take it's course. When he rang the EPU to get me an appointment they said for me to go in straight away. So I did-it was pointless they just told me what I already knew but it kind of felt better to have done something and to start to get closure-I think before that there is always that eliment of doubt that by some miracle the bean could still be there.

    xxxxx
  • so sorry to hear of your loss image this forum has been a godsend to me and the ladies here are amazing and have been so supportive so youl always feel welcome!
    i miscarried at around 6-7 weeks but found out at a 9 week scan
    i had ERPC on the 25th february and my 1st AF has just finished image
    your time will come hun and like u sed uv got your beautiful babies already image sending u lots of hugs and baby dust your way xxxx
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