I hope it is ok that I join you? I am currently miscarrying-I should be 5+1. I know it is really early and when I have read some of the things you ladies have been through I can't believe how amazing you are and how well you have coped.
I'm Joy and I have 2 lo's-my ds is 4 and my dd 2.5, I know I am extremely lucky and blessed already. Our decision to try for a 3rd has been a hard one because I suffer with depression and it has been made worse by PND after my dd's birth. I also didn't have easy pgs and I lost my job last year so we were also worried about finances. We TTC'd on and off since May last year but I kept worrying about things. Then I fell pregnant and found out on 27th March and everything fell into place. I had been so worried about everything but it just felt right, I was so excited as were our family. I was really happy. On friday I said to my dh that I hate the fact depression makes you worry about being happy and that it was taking 'the shine' off the pregnancy for me. I'd done a CBD test and it was still showing 1-2 weeks pregnant where as it should have gone up. I blamed that for feeling so weird about it. On saturday I started having pains and then I started bleeding on Monday after a weekend of feeling part of the time it would be fine and the other knowing it was over. Now I am bleeding heavily-the pain isn't bad, better than expected, but the loss is a lot-more than I expected with a lot of clots. Today I want to go to the doctors even though there is no point. I just want to 'do' something.
I just feel so weird. My mum has just said to me this morning that I just have to enjoy my kids and of course I know that is true and I do, but it doesn't make losing this one any easier-it also would have been lovely, just like it's siblings.
I have a job interview next week for my dream job. I am of course really glad- but I don't want the job anymore-I just want to still be pregnant. We didn't know for long-but we still made so many plans, we got our heads round it and I started to see our family differently and imagine it with another little person.
Sorry for the depressing post- I know I am lucky in so many ways but today...I feel absolutely wretched.
Thanks for listening ladies,