hello x

hello,

I have been lurking on this forum for the last week, and now feel strong enough to finally post.

Although we are not yet ttc, I have read on the other forums that this one is busier and we are also going to be ttc'ing as soon as we can - so I hope Ive posted this in the right place.

This post is also going to be a bit or a release for me and to try and make sense of what has happened in the last week and 2 days - so apologies for the length and detail. x



2 weeks ago I went for my normal 16 week check up with my midwife, and also had my bloods taken for the triple test. I thought nothing more of the tests, as I had persumed that I was low risk -with age, history etc etc.

last Tues afternoon my life started to fall apart. I had a phonecall from the hospital to say that my bloods had come up showing an increased risk in spina bifida. I was taking it all in from the doctor and trying not to panic - I think what started ringing more alarm bells was the fact they had already booked me in for a detailed scan the following day. It can take ages to get appts where I am so this started to panic me - but I was still looking on the hopeful side.

That night a range of emotions and thoughts were going through my mind - lots of what if... and can I.....

The following day we went for the scaen and were told the worse news ever - our baby had passed away. I should have been 17 weeks the following day. It never crossed our mind that this was the news we could be told, so we were absolutely devastated.

I was given a tablet which would start things off and booked in for the suite on the friday - nature started to progress and things happened that night instead on the friday. I went into hospital on thurs and stayed until sat - where I was monitored, checked and scanned. All of the staff were absolutely fantastic and I would not have been able to get through those dark days without then. My husband was at my side throughout and he has been amazing - I didnt realise how much he could be there for me and be my rock.

We have had a week togther where we have grieved and talked and cried. We have made a memory box and put little things in - 1st scan photos at 9+6, teddy bears, congratulations cards from when people first found out we were pregnant and a letter from "mummy and daddy". This has been a great comfort, as I am keen to move on but not forget, ever x

Sorry I should have already said that this was our first pregnancy, we only got married in July and our baby was a honeymoon baby, everything was so perfect. x

I am currently on antiboitics and the doctor doesnt think there is any infection.We are keen to start ttc - not to replace our first baby, but to look to the future. We have both decided that we are going to wait until AF arrives and then decide if we are ready or if we need more time.

I am really struggling to get my head around the fact that this happened at 17 weeks - I thought that after 12 weeks everything would be fine. I am absolutely pretrified about next time. Has anybody got any nice stories on second time around?

thank you for reading my story,

I am sorry that we have all experienced losses, and I hope that we are all getting thrugh the hard times x

I hope I can get to know you better through the coming months for more happier reasons for us all

love

pb

x x x

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Posts

  • I purple bubbles, I remember you from another name from the May forum, I was in there too. I just wanted to say I'm so so sorry to read of your news. It must've been so abslutely unexpected after the dreaded 12 weeks. I don't really have much in the way of advice for you either, other than that I came and chatted to people on here, which helped a LOT, and the old adage, that time really does help.
    I don't have a second time round story for you just yet, but am hoping to any time soon image
    Big hugs xxx
  • I am crying reading your post. I am so sorry for your loss. What a horrible experience. You don't expect anything to be wrong after the 12 week scan.

    Did they in the end explain to you what they found in your blood? Why they were so worried and if there is any risks for next pregnancy? It might be nice to talk to someone from the hospital to see what they say about trying again and if they can offer you more care for next time. (extra scans and check ups) It might give you a bit of reassurance if you know you will be closely monitored next time.

  • Hi, Im so sorry 2 hear of your loss. I dont have any advice as I had an ectopic but just wanted to say welcome and I look 4ward 2 chatting 2 u xx
  • hello happy traveller,

    yes I remember you too. sorry to hear of your loss, I hope you are doing okay now x

    I used to be Darbz (I was in disuguise (sp) for a bit!) and then I changed my name to my YAYW user name

    I think I am still in a bit of shock, but Im keeping myself busy and being surrounded by friends and family.

    I do hope you have a happy story soon x

    I still keep lurking on May - I cant seem to help it. they are a lovely group of girls, but it has helped me joining another group - but I wish it was all for happier circumstances for us all.

    thank you for replying - I was a bit scared to post x x x
  • I came from May as well. I am trying not to look there anymore, still got email contact with one of them, but it hurts to much to read about the happiness of others in this time. I hope that soon I will be able to read stories from them again, I used to love reading birth stories, now I just feel sad when I open one of them.

    Don't be scared of this group, they are great people. It really helped me reading about others to get over our loss. And I am really glad these people here are nice and lovely.
  • sorry breighlin and wigzy - we crossed posts, I wasnt ignoring you x x

    Im sorry for making you cry Breighlin, we're doing okay though now and taking strangth from each other.

    thank you for your welcome wigzy - Ive been a bit hesitate posting x

    I dont want to go into too much detail, but unfortunately we were unable to take our baby into hospital - everything happened so quickly at home and we were both in shock and very scared. So we are unanle to have a postmortum (sp) x

    the hospital have been fantatsic - and have told me to make an appt when I am ready and they will talk things through with me. I have already been told that I will be monitored more closely and given extra scans - so this has given me hope.

    I am unsure if our baby did have spina bifida - or that my bloods were showing not normal as our baby had passed. Im going to the doctors on monday so will ask them.

    Im keen to start again as soon as we feel ready - but I am going to be pretified for at least the first 17 weeks , and also the rest of the pregnancy x


    Im going to have to log off now - but will be on soon x

    thanks for replying and your messages everyone x x x
  • hey hun i'm so sorry to hear of your loss. i dont really have any advise as i had a mmc at 12 weeks but just wanted to say hi. unfortunately i do know from a fried that bad things can ahppen after 12 weeks u just dont expect it! xxx
  • Hi PB, so sorry to see you on here. I was in the May forum too and I can't help but going on too.

    I'm so so sorry that your little one didn't make it and I think the memory box and letter is a lovely thing to do . I had a bracelet made with a tiny twinkle star for my little one, it made me feel a lot better.

    I also had a feeling it was a boy and had a dream shortly after his name was Alexander John. It felt much bettter giving him a name rather than "my ectopic".

    This forum has been a great source of support and comfort to me. Gentle hugs x x x
  • breighlin - yes I know what you mean about the birth stories. I was always reading them - but I havent been able to open one yet, Ive also been staying away form pregnancy. But one day soon Im sure we will all be there x

    I think I still look in May as Im still in a bit of shock - and I want to so much be back there. But unfortunately I cant - but it is helping that I am now "friends" with you girls in here - although as I said before I wish it was nicer circumstances. I am already dreading May - I hope that we will be expecting again by then, not to forget, but so I have another baby to focus on.

    Rocky_Kiz - thank you for your welcome.Im sorry for your loss hun and for your friends x

    Im feeling "happier" tonight now that I have joined this forum, and have "friends"

    thank you all, and look forward to speaking to you and sharing happy times again which I am positive we all will

  • Oh Purplebubbles.....I'm so sorry for your loss sweetie.

    I cant imagine what you and hubby are going through. I'm glad you have been so brave and posted your story. I hope that this group can help you and give you the support that you need from girls (and some men) that understand exactly what you're going through.

    Keep strong hunny and if you have any problems please post and we'll reply. xxxxxx
  • i wuz in may too...just under a diffrent name. really sorry hun. i misscarriage 2wks ago . found out at my 12wk scan my baby had died at 8wks 4days .things are still really hard and like un it was my 1st pregnancy and was planned . the memory box is such a lovely idea xxx keeep strong hun i no its hard i still cry everyday .. hope ypur ok x
  • welcome to our little corner of the forum honey, it's always sad to have a newbie, as we'd rather make friends for happy reasons image
    you've come to the right place for lots of lovely supportive ladies to help each other through things.

    we MC'd naturally at 8 weeks, was our first, and still waiting for our next bfp. fingers crossed tho, testing this weekend.

    Your memory box sounds lovely. I had a preg iary I'd started last time, which I will be keeping forever. In a moment of PMA and optimism I've already bought another cute notebook for my next pg diary, and a little box to match with a photo frame in it that I will be putting a pic of my newborn baby in. It's gonna happen for all of us!!
  • Hi honey

    I'm so sorry that you have had to join us. I really feel for you - I remember how I felt after my erpc - it's not a nice place to be.

    Everyone on here has supported me so much over the last few months - I really don;t know how I would have coped without them, so you have come to the right place.

    When you are ready you could have a peep at the pg after mc forum - there are lots and lots of happy stories there.

    Take care of yourself. xxSara
  • I was due in May as well. May 3rd. As I've had one mmc previous to this one, I didn't have the confidence to actually join the due in May forum until I'd passed 12 weeks scan. I did actually get that far with a mmc diagnosed at 7/8 weeks this time.

    What you have been through sounds totally heartbreaking and is much more uncommon than a 1st trimester mc. Do keep quizzing them for more info if you don't feel they're giving you the answers. If the baby had a serious health condition, this may be why things got so far but then ended in mc. It prob means that this is really unlikely to happen again.

    I was very nervous during my pg with my son (after my 1st pg with mmc at 12 weeks) until about 28 - 30 weeks when I really perked up. I did pick up a bit after my 20 week scan actually as well but the early months were very tough for me. I think this is par for the course.

    Take care x

  • Hi hun

    Just wanted to say im so sorry for your loss.

    I cant really add any more to what the othe girls have already said. But just wanted to say hello & that im thinking of you.

    The girls here are lovely & you will receive so much support whenever & whatever you need. xxx
  • hello all,

    sorry i havent been on over the weekend - we've got no internet at the moment, and ive also been a bit emotional (guess i had been bottling things up over the last week - but feel better now)

    thanks for everyones replies - you girls are great - just wish we were all meeting under nicer circumstances for us all.

    MafiaPrincess -youre bracelet is a lovely memory. Im glad its helping you x it really is a beautiful idea x

    snooks - thank you so much for your warm welcome x as much as I hate to think that other are going through the same thing - it does help with my sanity that people know how hard it is and we can help each other x

    shazzaz -thank you x how are you hun? last week i thought I was doing okay -but sat sun and this morning hit me hard. hope things are getting "easier" for you x

    gemgems13 - thank you - you sound so positive and together - I hope I can have be as strong as you x thank you x

    moonandstars - thank you so much for your message and advice, Ive been having a peek in pg after mc and its given me something to focus on -I want to be there soon!

    MakkaPakka - thank you for your message - my due date was 6th may - Im so sorry you never got to post x Ive been to the doctors this morning and had some more answers - but still quite vague. thank you x

    laujai - thank you - it means a lot to get replys and very much helps.

    THANK YOU EVERYONE

    thinking of everyone too

    x x x
  • Hi purplebubbles,
    I just wanted to say i'm sorry for your loss. I lost my son 11 weeks ago, I was 27 weeks pregnant. It's the worst thing in the world to go through!!
    There are ladies in the bereavment forum who are expecting again, some after only 1 cycle so there can be a happy ending. I started trying after my 1st cycle, i don't want to replace my son but i want to be a mum again. When i get pregnant again the 12 week scan will mean nothing to me, it'll be getting to 28 weeks that will be the big milestone for me.
    The grief does get easier to cope with, you need to have a good cry. It usually hits me when i go to bed at night, and i'm dreading next week as the 15th Dec was my due date.
    Anyway, just wanted to say hi and let you know that you are not alone xx
  • hello dotty and shazzas,

    sorry I ahvent replied sooner (got no internet at home atm but now im at work I can go on BE all day long!

    Dotty - I was thining about you and your family all day yesterday. I hope you are okay. I cant imagine how hard and emotional it must have been for you. sending you lots of hugs. x

    shazzas - I know what you mean about relapses and it just coming from no where. I think this is only "normal". Im now having more better days than bad days, which is a step in the right direction. Im glad you seem better as weel.

    At the time I never thought Id be able to cope and get by - but I know its a cliche but time is helping as well as love from family and friends.

    hope everyone is okay

    x x x
  • Hi purplebubbles, I'm so sorry for your loss and can't even begin to imagine what you and your husband are going through.
    I know that we will all get a happy ending when the time is right for us (((hugs))) xx
  • Hi, im so sorry to hear of ur loss. I cant imagain what u must b feeling right now but all I can say is u r in thr right place to talk about your ordeal as every one of us have been affected by m/c in one way or another.
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