Advice please

Hi, you may have seen my other thread , I had a MMC and then an ERPC on the 13th Feb. I have just had a text inviting me to a 30th birthday party at the weekend, it is going to be a huge do and the lady is a friend who I am fairly close to. I cannot bear the thought at the moment of going to the party. I just don't feel like going out at the mo. Problem is it is obviously a big birthday being 30th and also when I had my birthday a while back another friend threw a suprise party and every one came, even someone whose father had just passed away. They all made the effort. What do I do, Do I just grin and bear it or do I try and explain that I am not up for it? What would you guys do? I just dont think they would understand as in there mind they probably think I should be over it by now.




  • Hiya, i honestly dont know what the right answer is. there are 2 options tho. you can either make an excuse and not go - say ur ill/going away/working (do ur friends know about the mc?). in some ways if its a really big party it wouldnt be as obvious that u didnt turn up (if that makes sense without sounding rude?). Or (this would be my hubbys option) like u said, make the effort and go. you may get there and be glad that you went. have different people to talk to about other things and distract you for a time. if you did go and found it all too much, there's no reason you have to stay all night. you could always wait till the day of the party and see how you feel. let us know what you decide. xxx
  • OK, the fact that they think you should be over it by now - ignore it. Their opinion in that matter is just wrong. I would wait and see how you feel on the day. You may feel that it would be good to go, in which case you don't have to stay long, or all night. If you don't feel up to it, then don't force yourself to go. Like pretty_pink says if there are loads of people there it won't be obvious that you're not there (again without being rude!). If they don't understand it really is their issue. I know it's difficult to see things that way, but you can't take responsibility for their thoughts and feelings as well as your own.
    Hope that helps and it didn't sound harsh at all, it wasn't meant to.
    Mary xxx
  • hi jacquid,

    How are you?

    a week and a half after my mc it was a good friends 30th bday. I decided to go, but my friend knew what we had been through and I explained to her that I wanted to be there but I probably wouldnt be the "life and soul" of the party and that I wouldnt stay all night.

    see how you feel on the day hun? you may want to have something to focus on and "enjoy" going out, but not want to stay for a long time. (hope Im making sense)

    dont worry about them thinking you should "be over it" - only you know how you are feeling and no body can judge you on that. I dont think we ever "get over it" - it just gets a little easier to deal with.

    see how you feel on the day hun,

    x x x
  • Thanks so much for all the advice everyone, I have talked to my friends (whose birthday it is) hubbie and he is really understanding and like you said I think their will be lots of people there so I wouldn't be missed (dont worry I didn't take offence;\). I think I will just wait until the day arrives and make my decision then.

    Thanks everyone

  • glad he's understanding Jacquid.

    If on the day you feel like going, great - if you dont feel like going thats fine too. you do what you want to do and feel okay with, take your teim hun

    x x x
  • Hi Jacqui,

    You have to do what's right for you in this moment. If you can't bare it, stay home and drink wine or eat chocolate; whatever makes you feel happier right at this moment is what is important. It is so hard to go through this and I don't think anyone truly understands unless they have been through it. Don't feel you have to please anyone but yourself for now. You can send a card and an apology and say you would love to have a meal or drink with your friend sometime soon, that is what I would do. Emotions are strange at this time and your hormones are probably still messed up too and aren't helping either, I know mine were for a few weeks and I was all 'this way and that', not quite knowing what I should or shouldn't do (I still don't know image)! I did go and have a nice meal with two very close friends of mine not long after my mmc, but that was as much as I did and it was hard to do. Like I said though, take care of yourself first, they'll be at time when you're ready to get out and party again! If that time happens to be this weekend so be it, if not then it might be the next one or the one after that - but that's for you to know and figure out - everyone else will be fine until then, as long as you are OK right now. (((hugs))) Let me know what you decide.
  • Thanks everyone for the advice, I still think I will give it a miss, just cant seem to pick myself up at the moment. I think everyone understands

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