I'm thinking about giving up on having children.

Now I know what you will all say, and I would say exactly the same thing if someone else posted this. You are all going to say "No, you can't give up, it will happen one day".

But at the moment I just can't see a happy ending for me. This partial mole thing is dragging on and on. There is a risk (all be it small) that it will reoccur in another pregnancy (resulting in another mc), and even if it doesn't I would need to be monitored again after any successful pregnancy I ever have. Hubby keeps changing his mind about the timescale for ttc, and this is making me resent him, and we are having dreadful rows.

I'm absolutely miserable all the time and have been since the mmc. The last 2 months have been agony, and now the thought of waiting another six months is killing me. I'm crying all the time and have started to think that I may be depressed. If I wait for six months and then start the ttc roller coaster again I think it will tip me over the edge. I don't think I would be strong enough to get through a pregnancy without it putting me in the funny farm.

All I want is to feel normal again, and happy, which I was before we started thinking about having children. So I think it would be better for my marriage and my mental health if we forgot about the whole thing and went back to how we were this time last year.

I'm going to visit my mum in Wales tomorrow for a few days, so am really hoping that will help me clear my head.While I feel devastated at the thought that I would never be a mum, the thought of living this nightmare indefinitely is so scary. I need to think through my options.

Mum doesn't have internet access so I will be AWOL from tomorrow until next week. When I get back I hope I will have some kind of plan.

xxSara

Posts

  • hope your ok . i had a mc this week with my 1st pregnancy
  • I know how you feel and to be honest I am thinking exactly the same. I don't know if I can handle it again, don't know if I am strong enough and don't know if the relationship I have with my husband is strong enough. All the tension (sp?) and with me crying a lot and being down quite often, does make for a lot of rows over nothing. In two weeks time we have fought more than in a whole year before. And we do know we love each other, but we can't seem to stop for the moment.
    It is now slightly better now he is at work again and we sleep in other rooms. (our son wakes up couple times a night and my husband can get very very grumpy when he doesn't have sleep) But it does mean I hardly have sleep, which makes me more emotional and cry a lot more.

    People around me (including family and husband) think I should be over it already. They think I should get on with it and stop being down. So I hope that in your case your mum will be supportive.

    I can not give you a lot of advice on how the snap out of it, I can only say that if you need someone to talk to, to moan to, you can always contact me. (here or by email) Time away and change of scenery will probably do good. I hope your mum gives you a very nice break.

    Don't forget we do have a lot of hormones running through our bodies at the moment and maybe we will think different in a couple of months. No one knows. You have heard positive stories about pregnancies after a mmc and after a partial molar pregnancy. Only time will tell if you will be ready in a couple of months.
  • Oh Moon and Stars, I do know how you feel. My ectopic went on for 8 weeks and I had just about had enough by the end and just couldn't take anymore. I felt physically and emotionally drained.

    I said to hubby that just couldn't go through it again but the thought of having to wait 3 months broke my heart at the same time.

    What have had to go through is pure crap and not how you ever imagine it to be. People haven't a clue about ectopics or molar pregnancies and having to deal with "have you had your tubes out" and "does this mean you can't have children" are seriously starting to p me off.

    I have just started my period today, which i'm happy about yet terrified as my next one will be teh last before we can ttc again. I never thought it would be this traumatic to start a family.

    I found going with the flow of my emotions the best way foreward. When I was elated it was all over I went with it, when I was deeply sad to teh point of depression I went with it and when I was so damn angry I went with that too and it's helped.

    Give yourself some time, you don't need to make any decisions right now my love x x
  • Hi M+S. you have to do what is right for you and unfortunately 6 months does sound like a v long time but it will actuallt fly by! Is the timescale you talk about due to him wanting a baby to be older in school? Maybe he doesn't understand just how long it can take to conceive and that a baby born in any month is a god send? It does take a lot of time for things to get easier, but it does, a little at a time. it's a hard road for all of us in theis forum and when i get another bfp i will be dreading it to end in mc again but there are sucess stories from people that were once int hsi forum! I hope the time away helps to ort your head out hun. xxx
  • Thanks girls. I'm sitting at home today desperately researching partial molar pregnancy on the net, but I don;t understand most of it. Just don;t know what to feel any more.
  • oh luvvie i am sending you the biggest hug ever, it is really awful what you have been through, but you don't have to decide right now.

    Perhaps a break away is just what you need, a little time to clear your head, even though i bless the internet for finding you ladies on this site, it can be a curse sometimes when you look something up and end up more confused sometimes than when you started.

    I hope that you feel better soon hun, thinking of you.

    Jodie xx
  • Oh hun, Im sorry to hear ur feeling like this!! Big hug!!

    What u have been through is traumatic and ur emotions will be all over the place. I think spending time away will do you good and give you time to think over things.

    When I had my ectopic, I felt like my world had ended and I remember thinking exactly the same as u, I just wanted 2 go back 2 a time when my life was normal!!!! Im now 6 weeks pg and I never thought I would be saying this. Waiting is often the hardest part.

    Take care
    xx
  • oh hun so sorry you're feeling this way. I really hope getting away clears your head a bit. maybe when your monitoring is over you could just stop using contraception, but otherwise carry on as normal. I know it's easier said than done, but you could just ignore your cycle and see what happens, try and be relaxed about it?
  • Oh huni I'm sorry you're having a tough time big ((((HUGS)))) to you. It does sound like you maybe suffering depression, have you been to the doctors or looked into counselling at all? I had counselling a few years ago and though I was a bit sceptical I did find it hugely helpful - I was depressed with crap at work and me and hubby (then boyfriend) were arguing non-stop. Once I'd worked through my problems things really improved for me and as a result us and corny as it sounds we were stronger as a couple afterwards.

    I hope the time away and a bit of TLC from your mum helps you xx
  • im sorry hun! i hope the time away helps you. *hugs*
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