i don't have any huge bars of chocolate - d'oh!! just had a low fat yoghurt, it's just not the same. it's always disappointing, but this month more so, as no bfp before xmas. and with all that's happening with my cousin, just wanted some good news. at least AF seems sl more normal, so like rocky says, maybe that's a sign body is back to normal ready for bubba, I hope so.
Gem Im so sorry she got you hun. Here's to 2010 being the year for us.
MP thanks for the kind words hun, it's just so depressing we would've had a near 5 month old baby or be over halfway through pg twice!!!! I just hope that 2010 is the year for all of us & this time nxt year all of this will be a distant memory as well be planning our babys 1st xmas. xxx
wouldn't it be nice if this time next year we were mummies and millionaires - like a crazy cross between only fools and horses and ttc?! LOL. think I'm a bit tired and crazy, nighty night
I am sorry GemGem, I had my fingers crossed for you! Christmas is hard, I would have had my 20 week scan somewhere around christmas, so I find it difficult to think about. And now the whole family is in mourning for my oh grandfather, I don't think there will be a lot of support left for how I feel. The more I think about it the harder it gets, I just want to get away from things. But I know my PIL would never forgive me. They have been looking forward to this christmas since I told them I was pregnant with Michael.
With Michael we told everyone at 5 weeks pregnant, the whole family, all the friends, everyone. Not brave, we had to. We were supposed to get married 6 months from them, but decided to put the wedding forward, so everyone wanted an explanation, it was easier to say. Luckily nothing happened than. This time we decided it would be our secret and not tell anyone till 12 weeks. Guess what, a mmc.
I feel so tired, still not able to fall asleep quickly at night. (haven't had a good nights sleep since discovering of the mmc) Don't want to take any pills, cause I need to be able to wake up for Michael if needed. Just sucks, I am tired all the time and no energy left to do anything. I did go for a walk yesterday in the cold and it was great. Michael fell asleep, so walked for about 40 minutes. Gonna walk everyday if they weather is good and everyday a bit further.
Still no af. Now I have a weird feeling, like I am hungry but don't want any food. I normally have it before af, but it feels slighty different. With af I am normally hungry but it doesn't stop with eating, now I just don't feel like food. Nothing taste nice. :S Wish my body made up his mind and either gave me af, or stopped playing tricks with me.
Oh Breighlin honey you really are having a tough time. I know it's not the same as family support, but we are always here for you. I have been 'lucky' in that my body cut me some slack after the mmc and just went back to what it had been doing before the mmc. Well, except that it had a mole inside it. Which, by the way, I am beginning to doubt I ever had, having read other ladies experiences.
PS Have just been snooping in Baby, and read the controlled crying thread - I was very impressed with your post!
Can I ask you why you doubt you had a mole in the first place Moonandstars? is there something that you should feel or had which you didn't? I still find it ridiculous you have to go through it all two months after the mmc. How do you feel about it all now?
I know I got you ladies and believe me it helps a lot. Writing down feelings doesn't make them disappear, but does make me being able to deal with them a lot better. I am trying to better my life by doing some simple exercise, don't want to overdo it. It does make me feel better after I had a walk and was in the fresh air. We went to see a friend of ours today as well, which does help to get my mind of stuff.
gems u nutter! lol, i'd settle for being a mummy over being a millionaire!!!
chin up breighlin, i was the other way round, we hadn't told everyone but my mum sis, work mates and a few close friends and i too had a mmc another person i know who's due just before i would've been didn't tell a soul until 12 weeks and she's fine - so i feel like i tempted fate with it all
defo if I had to choose one or the other mummy would be the choice. But we've all had a shitty year, and I think we ought to get both. Maybe we should start a lottery syndicate and win ??45 million like those other people did ;\)
I'm out this month ladies I'm afraid. I was just starting to feel positive as I got to day 30 and no AF then she just appears, just like that!!! I am so disapointed I don't know what to say..
I am so sorry Babyluv. I hope the next year will bring a new year for you full of happy news and of course the well deserved bfp.
I am sitting here home alone with a tub of Ben & Jerry's icecream. Yeah I know, I shouldn't. Oh is out to a party for a friend who came back from being away for a year. Could not go, cause Michael is of course asleep upstairs. it is nice ice cream though
so sorry to hear that babyluv, I feel your pain. it's crap isn't it? so luckystar and reevester are next then. not long now girlies. how are you feeling?
sorry to hear that she got you gem&babyluv i was hoping to see some bfp!! internet down can only go on at my sis's house, hope everyone is good almost to 1ww not feeling real positive
Breighlin I am starting to have my doubts because the mole is grown by large amounts of hCG. When you read other ladies experiences of the mole after the erpc lots of them still felt "pregnant", they were feeling sick and dizzy, and quite a few had large bleeds with large blood clots (unlike me). I on the other hand felt totally normal afterwards, and in retrospect had been feeling NOT pregnant for a few days before we discovered the mmc (which at the time I just put down to me being nearly 2nd trimester). I have this feeling (although I have no evidence) that my hCG levels started falling before I found out I had mmc'd. Which, if you follow my line of logic, would mean that I didn't have heightened levels of hCG. I also had a period about 5 days after the erpc and ovulated about 19 days after the erpc, which again suggests to me that my hGC levels fell extremely fast. Also during the pregnancy I had very few symptoms, but surely if my hCG was high I would have been as sick as a dog?
I suppose I doubt it aswell because I can't see it - it's not like a broken leg or swine flu - there are no external symptoms. It feels very unworldy - I just can't relate to it as being something that happened to me (perhaps because I was told so long after the event).
Emotionally I feel okay about it now, my levels are back to normal and the ladies at Charing Cross are very good at explaining everything. But because it is difficult to relate it to my experiences directly after the mmc I find feel sort of emotionally detached from it. I don't know, perhaps I am in denial.
Kari what was your experience after the event? Does my story sound anything like yours? I'd be interested to hear how you felt physically, and how quickly your hCG levels dropped (must have been fast if you are ttc already!).
m+s sounds like everything you're saying means it's v unlikely to cause you any further probs, seeing as your hCG dropped so fast? that's gotta be a good feeling?
I am feeling better today. last month AF made me feel miserable for about a week after she showed her ugly face, but this month only a few days. Went for a run ths morning, which made me feel very pleased with myself. then we booked a holiday to cuba for 6 weeks today
the plan is either it'll be sods law and I'll get a bfp next month and I'll be a bit worried on hols but it'll be good for me to have a rest. or if I get bfn next month I'll always regret it if I hadn't booked the holiday, and I'll need something to look forward to, so it's win win I think.
Then I've just got back from a course sicne 2pm (I know another one on a sunday!! we're just too busy at work the rest of the time!!)
now just need AF to shove off so I can have some BD'ing with hubby, and the PMA will be back ready for this month
Sounds that you do not have a lot of the symptoms of a partial molar pregnancy m&s. But surely it is not only those symptoms? I really hope your next levels are fine as well. And I really hope you can start trying soon again. When is your next appointment? I was like you by the way, my symptoms disappeard straight after the erpc, hcg was not going down so quickly though. (had first negative test (ebay cheepie) at 2.5 weeks after erpc)
I am still waiting for af to turn up. On day 30 now. Still don't feel myself physically, am tired. Lo is not sleeping that good anymore, so we all lack some sleep. Still getting the odd cramps and stabs. Ordered quite a bit of sanitairy towels today, last time I did it I got my bfp the next month. So hopefully that will be the case again.
We heard a few things about the funeral today. They want me to come with Michael. (did not want to leave him with babysitter for the entire day, we will be gone from 8 in the morning till probably the same time in the evening) But my oh will be part of the whole thing, so might have to drive myself and Michael :S Not looking forward to it. I know I will cry, but I know I will grieve for our little Sam, not my oh grandfather. And I feel awfull for knowing that. My MIL is worried about me, same as oh. Been very emotional over the past few days, going from happy to sad and from happy to mad very quickly.
Tomorrow will be a good day however, I am gonna go with MIL to babies R us to get Michael his christmas present. At least some distraction so tomorrow will be over quickly.
I am absolutely gutted that AF got you gemgems and babyluv! I was keeping my fingers crossed so tightly for you both. Gems at least you have booked a fab holiday to look forward to and to keep your mind focussed on other things. The in laws went to Cuba a few years ago and they absolutely loved it! Another sunday course - that doubly sucks!
Rocky, hows the PMA going? any news on a test date yet??
Breighlin - are you feeling any better luvvie!!
Laujai - not long til your break now - oooooh i am so jealous!!!
Hope the rest of you lovely ladies are ok aswell!!
Well i have had a real busy few days again. Went out for work do on fri night, sat we had an xmas procession in town and that was quite good, and today have been putting up the xmas decs at the in-laws, and Noah has been awful for tantrums today!! My PMA has wavered over the last few days i must admit, and i say my neighbour over the road who is due when i would have been and she has got a really nice bump, it really breaks my heart everytime i see her as it is such a reminder of what i have lost. I am 8DPO today and apart from feeling absolutely knackered (putting that down to a busy week) i had a small amount of pink CM not sure what to make of that really??? Desperately trying not to get my hopes up as have been feeling quite down again today. Xmas just isn't going to feel the same this year.
hello ladies, m&s-yours sound alot like mine, i knew somthing was wrong weeks before and they wouldnt listen and do an utrasound finally a doc. listened to me and did an u/s ( in the er) they found that the babys heartbeat was lower then normal and they told me that they thought i had a blood clot in my uterus(at 6 wks) then at 6+4 they did another u/s and the heartbeat was even lower, they said well we are pretty sure you are going to miscarry due to your hcg not rising ( even though on the net it says the hcg is high mine was not ) they docs said that thats not always the truth its eather high or low, not always high. 7+4 i had another u/s because they were amazed that i hadnt miscarried yet heartbeat was still decreasing, at 8+2 had another u/s and babies h/b was only 62bpm and shouldve been 112-140bpm then on 8+4 had my d&c.2wks after i had bloods drawn and was 225hcg, at 4wks after i had bloods and were back to normal. now hoping for a bfp! sorry ladies so long just trying to help m&s out. hang in there hun!! whos all testing this week? im so anxious! cant wait till the end of the week! trying to stay positive!!
??45 million?????? YES please!!! if we split it between all of us we'd still be minted!!!! The holiday sounds lovely Gem! perfect for disappearing in the coldest part of the English year! lol
Hey jodie! nope i'm not putting a test date down (L + N might need to put me down as what ever when ever! lol,) i'm trying to see how i go over this week and i might change it to a date a bit later on at the moment i don't even know if i'm in the dpo let alone what day so feeling pretty calm and not stressing about it too much and just going to keep up the Bd'ing as we would around OV time to see what happens!!! The pink CM sounds v positive and have got my fingers crossed for you!!! Good luck all you testers this week! xx
I am quite positive to be honest, it is just my body playing tricks and I just want to know what is going on.
Went to pick up the mail this morning and got a kick in the teeth. Some random mail from babyscan. I thought I knew what it was, but opened it anyway and first sentence: 'Congratulations on your pregnancy' How can they be so rude? I know they might not know, but it is a kick in the teeth.
Anyone got any pregnancy symptons this month? It is nice to hear some success stories. I have been reading pregnancy after miscarriage to get some positive feelings towards it all.
Replies
it's always disappointing, but this month more so, as no bfp before xmas. and with all that's happening with my cousin, just wanted some good news. at least AF seems sl more normal, so like rocky says, maybe that's a sign body is back to normal ready for bubba, I hope so.
so girls, who's next, after my non-testing date?
MP thanks for the kind words hun, it's just so depressing we would've had a near 5 month old baby or be over halfway through pg twice!!!!
I just hope that 2010 is the year for all of us & this time nxt year all of this will be a distant memory as well be planning our babys 1st xmas. xxx
With Michael we told everyone at 5 weeks pregnant, the whole family, all the friends, everyone. Not brave, we had to. We were supposed to get married 6 months from them, but decided to put the wedding forward, so everyone wanted an explanation, it was easier to say. Luckily nothing happened than. This time we decided it would be our secret and not tell anyone till 12 weeks. Guess what, a mmc.
I feel so tired, still not able to fall asleep quickly at night. (haven't had a good nights sleep since discovering of the mmc) Don't want to take any pills, cause I need to be able to wake up for Michael if needed. Just sucks, I am tired all the time and no energy left to do anything. I did go for a walk yesterday in the cold and it was great. Michael fell asleep, so walked for about 40 minutes. Gonna walk everyday if they weather is good and everyday a bit further.
Still no af. Now I have a weird feeling, like I am hungry but don't want any food. I normally have it before af, but it feels slighty different. With af I am normally hungry but it doesn't stop with eating, now I just don't feel like food. Nothing taste nice. :S Wish my body made up his mind and either gave me af, or stopped playing tricks with me.
PS Have just been snooping in Baby, and read the controlled crying thread - I was very impressed with your post!
I know I got you ladies and believe me it helps a lot. Writing down feelings doesn't make them disappear, but does make me being able to deal with them a lot better. I am trying to better my life by doing some simple exercise, don't want to overdo it. It does make me feel better after I had a walk and was in the fresh air. We went to see a friend of ours today as well, which does help to get my mind of stuff.
chin up breighlin, i was the other way round, we hadn't told everyone but my mum sis, work mates and a few close friends and i too had a mmc
xxx
I am sitting here home alone with a tub of Ben & Jerry's icecream. Yeah I know, I shouldn't. Oh is out to a party for a friend who came back from being away for a year. Could not go, cause Michael is of course asleep upstairs. it is nice ice cream though
so luckystar and reevester are next then. not long now girlies. how are you feeling?
BOOOO for af Babyluv - what a bummer.
Breighlin I am starting to have my doubts because the mole is grown by large amounts of hCG. When you read other ladies experiences of the mole after the erpc lots of them still felt "pregnant", they were feeling sick and dizzy, and quite a few had large bleeds with large blood clots (unlike me). I on the other hand felt totally normal afterwards, and in retrospect had been feeling NOT pregnant for a few days before we discovered the mmc (which at the time I just put down to me being nearly 2nd trimester). I have this feeling (although I have no evidence) that my hCG levels started falling before I found out I had mmc'd. Which, if you follow my line of logic, would mean that I didn't have heightened levels of hCG. I also had a period about 5 days after the erpc and ovulated about 19 days after the erpc, which again suggests to me that my hGC levels fell extremely fast. Also during the pregnancy I had very few symptoms, but surely if my hCG was high I would have been as sick as a dog?
I suppose I doubt it aswell because I can't see it - it's not like a broken leg or swine flu - there are no external symptoms. It feels very unworldy - I just can't relate to it as being something that happened to me (perhaps because I was told so long after the event).
Emotionally I feel okay about it now, my levels are back to normal and the ladies at Charing Cross are very good at explaining everything. But because it is difficult to relate it to my experiences directly after the mmc I find feel sort of emotionally detached from it. I don't know, perhaps I am in
denial.
Kari what was your experience after the event? Does my story sound anything like yours? I'd be interested to hear how you felt physically, and how quickly your hCG levels dropped (must have been fast if you are ttc already!).
I am feeling better today. last month AF made me feel miserable for about a week after she showed her ugly face, but this month only a few days. Went for a run ths morning, which made me feel very pleased with myself. then we booked a holiday to cuba for 6 weeks today
the plan is either it'll be sods law and I'll get a bfp next month and I'll be a bit worried on hols but it'll be good for me to have a rest. or if I get bfn next month I'll always regret it if I hadn't booked the holiday, and I'll need something to look forward to, so it's win win I think.
Then I've just got back from a course sicne 2pm (I know another one on a sunday!! we're just too busy at work the rest of the time!!)
now just need AF to shove off so I can have some BD'ing with hubby, and the PMA will be back ready for this month
I was like you by the way, my symptoms disappeard straight after the erpc, hcg was not going down so quickly though. (had first negative test (ebay cheepie) at 2.5 weeks after erpc)
I am still waiting for af to turn up. On day 30 now. Still don't feel myself physically, am tired. Lo is not sleeping that good anymore, so we all lack some sleep. Still getting the odd cramps and stabs. Ordered quite a bit of sanitairy towels today, last time I did it I got my bfp the next month. So hopefully that will be the case again.
We heard a few things about the funeral today. They want me to come with Michael. (did not want to leave him with babysitter for the entire day, we will be gone from 8 in the morning till probably the same time in the evening) But my oh will be part of the whole thing, so might have to drive myself and Michael :S Not looking forward to it. I know I will cry, but I know I will grieve for our little Sam, not my oh grandfather. And I feel awfull for knowing that. My MIL is worried about me, same as oh. Been very emotional over the past few days, going from happy to sad and from happy to mad very quickly.
Tomorrow will be a good day however, I am gonna go with MIL to babies R us to get Michael his christmas present. At least some distraction so tomorrow will be over quickly.
I am absolutely gutted that AF got you gemgems and babyluv! I was keeping my fingers crossed so tightly for you both. Gems at least you have booked a fab holiday to look forward to and to keep your mind focussed on other things. The in laws went to Cuba a few years ago and they absolutely loved it! Another sunday course - that doubly sucks!
Rocky, hows the PMA going? any news on a test date yet??
Breighlin - are you feeling any better luvvie!!
Laujai - not long til your break now - oooooh i am so jealous!!!
Hope the rest of you lovely ladies are ok aswell!!
Well i have had a real busy few days again. Went out for work do on fri night, sat we had an xmas procession in town and that was quite good, and today have been putting up the xmas decs at the in-laws, and Noah has been awful for tantrums today!! My PMA has wavered over the last few days i must admit, and i say my neighbour over the road who is due when i would have been and she has got a really nice bump, it really breaks my heart everytime i see her as it is such a reminder of what i have lost. I am 8DPO today and apart from feeling absolutely knackered (putting that down to a busy week) i had a small amount of pink CM not sure what to make of that really??? Desperately trying not to get my hopes up as have been feeling quite down again today. Xmas just isn't going to feel the same this year.
Sorry for whinging!!
Jodie xx
m&s-yours sound alot like mine, i knew somthing was wrong weeks before and they wouldnt listen and do an utrasound finally a doc. listened to me and did an u/s ( in the er) they found that the babys heartbeat was lower then normal and they told me that they thought i had a blood clot in my uterus(at 6 wks) then at 6+4 they did another u/s and the heartbeat was even lower, they said well we are pretty sure you are going to miscarry due to your hcg not rising ( even though on the net it says the hcg is high mine was not ) they docs said that thats not always the truth its eather high or low, not always high. 7+4 i had another u/s because they were amazed that i hadnt miscarried yet heartbeat was still decreasing, at 8+2 had another u/s and babies h/b was only 62bpm and shouldve been 112-140bpm then on 8+4 had my d&c.2wks after i had bloods drawn and was 225hcg, at 4wks after i had bloods and were back to normal. now hoping for a bfp!
sorry ladies so long just trying to help m&s out. hang in there hun!! whos all testing this week? im so anxious! cant wait till the end of the week! trying to stay positive!!
Hey jodie! nope i'm not putting a test date down (L + N might need to put me down as what ever when ever! lol,) i'm trying to see how i go over this week and i might change it to a date a bit later on at the moment i don't even know if i'm in the dpo let alone what day so feeling pretty calm and not stressing about it too much and just going to keep up the Bd'ing as we would around OV time to see what happens!!! The pink CM sounds v positive and have got my fingers crossed for you!!! Good luck all you testers this week! xx
Went to pick up the mail this morning and got a kick in the teeth. Some random mail from babyscan. I thought I knew what it was, but opened it anyway and first sentence: 'Congratulations on your pregnancy'
Anyone got any pregnancy symptons this month? It is nice to hear some success stories.