Scared and not looking forward to Christmas

HI ladies,

[Modified by: Mafia Princess on 27 June 2010 18:00:40 ]


  • aw hunni, its been a tough roller coaster for us all, -i was due 10 Feb image i too am dreading xmas, not as much as i thought i would, i think feb will be harder and we're noe starting cycle 4 (cd 8 today) so i'm luckily at that good bit in the cycle where there's a fair bit of PMA in my blood stream. It's my xmas work meal this eve anf i'm not going cus i can't feel cheery so would rather not go at all, i hope when u get ttc again some pma finds you and it;ll give u something positive to look forward too. i find it hard in here that people who've had mc's about the same time as me or after have now got bfp's some even past their 12 week scans (no offence guys love u all - just jealous! lol) and that my body has done something odd every cycle so far so not quite normal image chin up sweet pea and dont be sorry, we all get like this!!!!! ((((((((((hugs))))))))) xxx
  • Oh poor Mafia! I'm glad you posted cos it's not good for you to suffer in silence.

    I don't blame you for being worried about ttc again. I feel the same. One minute I am so excited, then the next really freaking out. I have this vision of me being the one out of a million that has two molar pregnancies in a row.

    BUT!!! I have been working hard at staying positive. I keep telling myself that I have every chance of having a happy, healthy and uneventful pregnancy. It is hard work some days to stay positive, but I think it has really been helping me. YOU have every chance that your next pregnancy will be in the right place, healthy and successful. You really do, honest!

    But I also know what you mean about thinking about what you have lost. I would have been six months now, dressed in a lovely floaty pregnancy number for Chrimbo lunch at the inlaws, and now instead I will have to listen to them bang on about sil being pregnant. Ace.

    I suppose what I am trying to say is that sadly for us our first experience of pregnancy has tainted our future pregnancies, and so for us as excited as we are about becoming mummies there will always be that little voice inside our heads. We just have to learn ways of coping with that little voice, and also allow ourselves to be worried sometimes.

    Sending you a big HUG!

  • ((((((hugs))))))

    I can identify totally with what your feeling hun, we have decided to ttc without a break, we have started now but because I don't really know my cycle it's really a guessing game at the minute but as excited as I am that we are trying again I'm filled with absolute dread, I don't think I could go through another mc and I know if or when we get lucky it will be a nightmare 9 months full of me stressing about everything (and then stressing that my stressing might be doing damage!)
    Gosh I was posting to try and cheer you up and think I've just terrified myself more! :lol:

    The one thing I do know though is that this forum will be a constant support for any worries or fears that you or I have at any stage of the process and at the end when we hold our little babies for the first time it will be worth all the worry, stress and tears xx
  • Sorry your feeling so down sweetheart. You have had a long wait & I completley understand your anxiety about ttc again after having such a long break from it all. I feel the same 1 min im excited & the next i just dont want to think about it & cant decide whats for the best cause dont want to go through any more heartache.
    Xmas is hard as lots of us would either have our babies or be well over half way through our pg's. Just the other day we sat round the dinner table talking about how my nephew is here now & this time last year both myself & sil were expecting!!!
    We all need to try & be just that little bit more positive & keep supporting eachother as we will all get there & we will all make wonderful parents.

    Bigs hugs xxxxx
  • Thanks girls, you're all lovely.

    I went onto baby (because i'm a gluten for punishment!) and someone has posted a thread called " what a difference a year makes" and there are ladies on there in similar situations as us who now have lovely babies.

    It has given me a bit of perspective that this time next year I am sure that we will all have our babies or have very big bumps!

    I just have moments of total freak outs but just have to start being positive as I feel like the queen of doom!

    Thank you again ladies for being so lovely x x
  • Hi Mafia Princess,

    I`m in a similar position to yourself (just been treated medicaly for an ectopic pregnancy and i too must wait 3 months before TTC again). I understand your hurt and fears of trying again. I`m so glad you found some PMA from baby form.
    Lets all look forward to next year, to healthy, big bumps!
  • Hi J,

    Were you tested with methotrexate?

    I had my first dose on the 1st October and a 2nd dose on the 10th so we can start again on the 10th January.

    I felt like i lived in the EPU fopr 7 weeks, all the staff were on first name terms with me.

    I'm so sorry you've had a similar experience. How are you feeling? I found methotrexate really took it out of me x x
  • Hi MP,
    I`ve been on a bit of a rough journey these last few weeks. At first I thought I had misscaried as I had a bleed and called NHS 24 who made an apointment at EPU the next day. A scan did not detect a pregnancy and was told this did appear to be a misscarage. Hcg levels more than doubled 2 days later and was told this could be ectopic or the starty of an early pregnancy and that is why nothing was detected in a scan. That whole week I couldn`t help but get my hopes up. But The next scan showed a `mass` on my left fallopian tube. Hcg levels at that time were 3000 so was offered methotrexate. Next hcg levels were over 7000 and i was called back into hospital. However my last 2 levels have started coming down.

    Fortunately I have only required one dose of methatrexate. Physicaly I feel tired and a little nausea. Emotionaly, I feel it has been much worse. I too feel like i`m never away from the hospital. My veins have now went into hiding. Staff at EPU have been lovely but I just hate going back there.

    Now just trying to keep myself busy for the next 3 months.

    Good luck, I hope you get your BFP soon and baby dust to everyone else TTC.

  • This sounds almost identical to my experience.

    I had 5 blood tests in 7 days, my arms were so bruised I looked like a drug addict.

    I went to the epu at 4+3 as was spotting. Urine test said not pregnant so was told early miscarriage but to do another test in 2 days. I waited 5 and had the strongest line ever.

    Checked my cervix, it was closed and hcg nearly doubled so was looking good. Thank god dr did a 3rd blood test as they stayed teh same. Scan showed a mass by my left ovary.

    Everytime I drive past hospital it makes me shudder I was there so often. The 1st dose of mx gave me awful pains where is was and hurt so badly when I had a wee.

    I was so weak I was admitted to hosptital. they couldn't get any veins to put me on a drip as they were so battered.

    Emotionally it's been the worst experience of my life, especially as it went on for 7 whole weeks before hcg got back to normal.

    I felt very traumatised and violated by the whole thing. When I was admitted I didn't care what they did to me. I was balck and blue from the attempts to get a vein. It hurt like hell but I didn't make a sound as I didn't care. I felt like a piece of meat. It was hubby who made them stop.

    I found that by Thursday of each week I was shattered but this was much better after about 6 weeks.

    Please post when you feel down, it helped me no end. Have you been to the ectopic trust forum? they are amazing and have a nurse who answers all the medical posts, she was a godsend.

    This forum and ectopic trust have really helped me get through my 3 months wait. x x x x

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