Having a horrible day

I am on cd31 and still no sign of af. I spoke with my grandma early this morning and she has put me in a horrible mood. She knows hubby and I are trying to have another baby, and she means well, but she is the type of person who is negative about everything! She said I am obsessed with ttc and she doesn't understand it. She even went on to say that how I feel is not normal, and if I just relax Ill have a better chance at it. Aaarrrghhhh!!!! She even said she thinks I have endometriosis, and last time I checked she is not my dr! I told her that almost every couple who have had a hard time ttc feels the same way I do. And I told her that I have been upset because we would have been having our baby any day now, and that I just want to get my bfp by my due date, and of course this puzzled her even more. Why is it so hard for people to understand what Im going through? When I say people, I mean ignorant people who have never been through this. I mean, Im sure that even if I never miscarried, I would still be sensitive to someone who has. And I told her that I am waiting to test until the 17th and she rudely said well I don't think it'll happen this month, infact I don't really think it'll happen until next spring, is she psychic now too? So I came to the conclusion that my grandma is a psychic doctor, wow, talented huh? Lol I know she doesn't mean to upset me, but she tends to put her foot in her mouth more often than not. So as of now I am in the 2ww and I guess only time will tell...

Posts

  • Wow! Your grandma sounds well harsh!! Without wanting to be disrespectful to her - what a cow! If I were you I would have found it soooo hard to not tell her where she could shove her "advice", so well done you for biting your tongue. Is she a very old grandma (like "I fought in the war for you" old)? Cos if she is, perhaps it is a generational thing. My nan can be very acidic, I think it has something to do with being bombed.

    Some people just don't get it. I'm with you - I can empathise with people, so even if I hadn't been through this I would be able to relate. In fact, one of my closest friends who has never been pregnant has been the most supportive person ever, and totally gets why I feel the way I do, regardless of how that is.

    She clearly has strong psychic powers so you want to get her to work predicting the lotto numbers, then we can all win that 45 million quid! And really, endometriosis????? WTF?????? Where did she get that one from?
  • My Nanny sounds very similar and so I haven't even told her about my ectopic. First time she met my hubby she told him that my ex was her favourite of all mine and sisters boyfriends and that my ex was a real glamour boy!

    She tells me I am fat in front on whole family ( I am 5ft 7 and a size 12!)

    I think people's comments suck! How are you meant to relax when you are so desparate for a baby? How can you not be consumed with worry after our experiences.

    I am sick of people telling me that it's better my baby died rather than it being born "deformed" or "at least you can get pregant" NOT IN THE RIGHT PLACE I CAN'T!!!

    My advice is confide only in nice people who will support you rather than make you feel awful.

    Me and hubby have decided not to discuss with anyone and not tell anyone when get BFP until 12 weeks x x x
  • Old people - don't ya just love em?! I think because they've been there and seen that they think they have the right to just say what they think without the impact they have on those around them. They forget what it's like to go through these things - probably because they have the complete believe you'll come through it, but it doesn't make it feel any better.

    My grandma is just the same and personally I think she's a complete bully - picking on my mum coz she's got low self confidence. I'd like to bop her one on most occasions I have to see her. However, as dutiful granddaughters we have to smile and be polite grrrr.

    Have a hug and lots of babydust x
  • grrr don't you just hate the people who tell us to just relax and it'll happen!! :evil: of course, silly us why get upset about our lost little ones when we could just 'relax' instead.

    my poor granny was too scared to say anything, we'd been staying with her 2 days by time she mentioned it, she just said sorry to hear your news, and no naff advice. Found out when I got back that she'd been on phone to mum asking her whether to mention it or not coz she didn't want to upset me - bless!! she does sometimes comes out with some right clangers on other subjects tho.
  • Moonandstars- trust me, it's not disrespectful. I wanted to tell her that too but I just kept my mouth shut and rolled my eyes. She's 67 but Has never been through a war. I told my mom about it and even she said that my gma doesn't think before she talks, yet she gets her feelings hurt easier than anyone I know! Example, at my baby shower in 2007 she got me a carseat and stroller combo, which was my biggest gift. SHE was the one handing me each gift to open, but had the nerve to get upset with me for not opening hers first! It was so ridiculous, but she ended up leaving all upset over it. I can see if shell give us the lotto numbers, and then when we win I'll buy her aome respect!!! Lol

    mafia princess-I completely understand! It is horrible hearing some of the bs that people say, my own brother made the deformed cooments to me, he even went further to say that my future kids will probably be deformed. I'm like WTF is your problem??? He's slightly a demented a-hole. Hubby and I have also decided that when we do get our good news we are bot going to share it with anyone until we feel safe. Our families were not supportive at all with the loss of our last, so we don't care to involve them really. My grandma also makes cooments in front of the family, mainly about my breasts being soo big( I am 5'3 with size D breasts) I know it can be so embarassing! Not sure what is wrong with people nowadays, especially family. Glad I actually have all of you to talk to on here, probably go crazy without all the nice ladies here image
  • Oh bless you. That's really insensitive of her. I agree with what everyone else says. She obviously just doesn't get it.

    I sometimes think that the older generation are from a time when you didn't talk about miscarriage. It was a silent thing that couples suffered and kept to themselves while you just got on with life without giving yourself permission to be sad or angry or grieve. Behind the chintz sofas, pinnys and hairnets, lots of these dutiful wives didn't talk to their partners, faked their orgasms and relied on mother's ruin in the kitchen cupboard to get them through each day. Personally this is not the way I wanna live life. It's much better to talk about things, empathise and let yourself feel raw emotions than sweep them under the carpet and survive on Gordon's!

    AAAAHHHH.... breathe deeply and climb down from the soapbox now....

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  • Bleurgh-you def gotta love them. Most the time I just blow her remarks off, but she got to me today. I'm sure she has been in situations when she was younger, but I guess old age does something to a person. Thanks for the hugs image

    gemgems-I absolutely cannot stand when people say that! It's so very annoying that people can't just let us feel how we feel without putting in their 2 cents worth. Is it really that hard to come up with something nice to say without making us feel bad about how we feel? Sounds like your grandma is a very sweet woman image


    Makkapakka-thank you. I completely agree with you, older generations grew up completely different. Everything was so personal and hush hush back then. I can say though that my gma isn't conservative at all. Funny thing is we talk about all kinds of crazy things with her, sex, orgasms, you name it. It's halarious most the time. From what she says, her mother was a real bitty and treated her horribly, so maybe it turned her into the kind of person she is. She really is just out there and speaks what she feels. My mom said she doesn't know if she ever had a mc, but she said she wasn't being considerate either way. I definitely am not going to live my life keeping everything bottled up, that's what turns peoples hearts to stone and just makes them bitter old hags. I am so glad again, to have other women I can talk to when I am feeling down. We all know how eachother feels, we've all been there and done that unfortunately. I just hope that we can all get that blessed bfp together as well! Come on December, bring us good news!
  • Wow, dont know what else to add really. I was gona say the same as Makka that the older generations can be completley different & not really understand as to them it is just one of those things & I suppose in those days it was all so different they didnt know anything about ttc or finding out at an early stage like we can that they were pg!!!

    My nan on the other hand is wonderful, she only knows about our first mc on new years eve when the bleeding & pains started she rang me & said it was in gods hands now & what would be would be but she was praying for us!! But when they let me out of hospital as I had a rough time & had to be admitted she would ring me everyday to see how I was & she sent us a big bouqet of flowers!!

    Try not to worry about her just think that she's stuck in her ways & if she had a bit more knowledge than she thought she did then she may have a little more tact!!

    Big hugs xxx
  • Deformed????!!!!WTF???????That has made me so angry.

    Where do these people get off? You just say "I'm so sorry for your loss" and then you shut your fat mouth if you can't be supportive. It's not rocket science people!!!!!!!

    Honestly. image
  • Deformed future children???? Good god you were self controlled not to give him a big smack!!! Nothing like a bit of reassurance is there! x x x
  • oh blessed, i dont know how you held your thought i dont think i couldve!! your a stronger person then i! sorry you have such a time with your gran. i couldnt imagine! good luck hun
  • Thank you ladies. I have always thought that my brother is jealous of what hubby and I have, as he is not mature enough to have a good relationship. I am 22 and have more maturity than he does and he is 26. He definitely does not think before he talks. We were on the phone when he told me that and I ended up hanging up on him. I don't know how he can be so insensitive. I just try to treat people good no matter how stupid they may be. It's so crazy I have no support from anyone in my family when it comes to having more children, but I don't care. Hubby and I feel like it's a pefect time to have another one and if they don't like it they don't need to be around. How are all of your families when it comes to support? Hopefully better than mine. Here's to our future babies and our sometimes rude families! :roll:
  • "You just say "I'm so sorry for your loss" and then you shut your fat mouth if you can't be supportive. It's not rocket science people!!!!!!!"

    m+s they should give us loads of printouts of that at hosp if we have an MC to give out to everyone we know!!

    blessedbeauty, I'm lucky my family are really good. My bro's fiance even said they've talked about not ttc'ing til I've got my BFP in case they beat me to it and upset me. I told her that's ridiculous and she'd do no such thing as she's 34 and has Mc'd in past herself, and I would be so pleased for them even if they did beat me to it ( tho sometimes it's easier to be pleased for someone who's MC'd than someone who hasn't if you know what I mean? you're not so jealous coz you knwo they need it just as much as you do). Sorry your family aren't so good.
  • Gems that's so funny! If we made our own leaflet we could call it something like "So, your family are idiots" or "Read this before you put your foot in it".
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