My OH is driving me mad - he keeps changing his mind!

Hi everyone,

myself and other half have been talking about babies for some time now however always come up with a good reason not to have one, i.e. want to clear this debt, want to go on that holiday, want to go to uni etc etc..

We then had a talk a couple of weeks ago and OH said he finds it difficult to think about children as I have the implant so even if we decided to have one, we couldn't so we spoke about it and agreed to have the impant out (appointment tommorow). I have also started taking folic acid to prepare my body and then today he tells me he doesn't know if he wants a baby because he doesn't feel like a dad yet, and I said to him well you won't feel like a dad yet because your not one?

I dont know what to think now, I said to him we both need to be in it 100% but now it seems he's not but I wonder if it's just because he's nervous/scared?

thanks for reading X

[Modified by: broodybuttercup on 05 February 2010 11:05:36 ]


  • hey love,

    i kinda have the same issue... myself lol! I keep changing my mind. Should we now... or in a year... or in two years, NO NOW, no... maybe in 2 years.

    Roundabout, thats me.

    If i became pregnant tomorrow.... would I be happy. Er yeeeees. Thats the question I ask myself. Would you both be happy if it happened??

    All that doubt goes out the window and a whole new bunch of emotions flood in.

    My hubbie says he hears his colleagues at work be called daddy on the phone (PC so does late shifts and they say goodnight on the phone... heart breakingly cute) and he says he wants that.

    Why don't you sit with him and ask him to write a plan of the next few years of your life (its not set in stone, thats not the point, life never is) but have a look at what both your priorities are and go from there.

    Good luck you both, xxx
  • Thanks for the reply rosemary20 image

    I know if we fell pregnant we would both be so happy, i think it's the actual decision making that adds the pressue!

    I will take your advice and talk to him later and will keep you posted, he said to me earlier that his mum was 27 when she had him and im only 23 (24 this year) i think he was suggesting I wait till im 27 image thats agggeeeessss away - booooo xxx
  • I kinda had this when we set a date to start TTC. We discussed it and decided i would come off the pill in Jan and i was soooo over the moon but when i talked about it OH was very quiet. I had to sit him down and ask him outright if this was what he wanted. Like you, i didn't want to go through with it unless he was 100% on board.

    I agree that the hardest part is probably sitting down and making the big decision and i agree with rosemary, even now i think what the hell am i doing?? But you say you will both be happy if you fell pg tomorrow so i think you're as ready as you can be. Nothing can fully prepare us for what lies ahead i don't think... :\)
  • Thanks lady2188 -

    Like you said I think its the actual making the decision, you talk about it for months and months and when time comes to come off contraception its like -- are we really doing this?

    Ah well im sure what will be will be, I am going to have the implant out as planned and we will take it from there, I actually wouldnt mind waiting a couple of months now as if i was lucky enough to get caught straight away I would be due in Novemeber, and I have 2nd row peter kay tickets for then lol xxx
  • hey chick,
    i agree with everyone else's comments!
    he is prob abit scared about just making the BIG disicion! however do be prepared that you may be expecting a baby within the 1st month of trying...i never thought i would, but i came of the pill in NOV and got preg in NOV and i was all panicy!! i just didnt think it would happen so fast!
    but obvs we were very happy, (then i sadly miscarried over xmas, but losing the baby made us realise it really was what we both wanted.)
    so go for it gal image
  • Thank you Sian, I am sorry to hear about you M/C but thank you for sharing your story image

    I spoke to him again earlier, and I think he is doubting himself, he never holds new born babies as he's too scared cos they are so tiny, my sis had a baby last Friday and although he coos over her and takes loadsa pics he just wont hold her, but the older ones he loves holding and chucking about and playing with lol, he says he wishes we could have a 1 year old - I was like no chance i'm giving birth to that lol xxxx
  • ahaha can u imagine??

    No way!!! If they gave birth they'd soon want a tiny newborn lol.

    I got really scared last night, we were about to upsi but decided not to as I got soooo freaked out. We'd spent the day with my friend who is 9 months and has a 2 yr old.... so its kinda hard when i see how gorgeous and lucky she is. image

    Its that moment...when u just know... i am waiting for it... that deciding moment
  • My hubby was worried he was going to break the baby as well - he's 6 foot 2 and a rugby player so very muscular and strong, so was terrified!!! He is a fantastic daddy though to ds and we both wish we'd done it sooner!

    Instead of TTC we decided just not to take precautions...sounds silly but because we weren't 'officially' trying it took the pressure off us both...and when my first af hit after we'd stopped using condoms he was gutted, so we actively started trying - with his as eager as I was!! Might be worth a try - then its up to nature and not an active decision.

    Helped us! Good luck convincing him hon xx
  • Rosemary20 - I spoke to a friend a few months ago and told her that me and OH were thinking about it, and I said but were not sure cos of X, Y, Z and she replied then your not ready (she's ttc) she said you know when your ready cos its all you think about, there are no excuses and now I see what she means cos i'm there, I dont care whats going on around me I just want to be a mummy image

    Garfield24 - I think I will try and take the more casual approach, I really dont wanna get caught up in ovulation and cycle talks, as I think it will add too much pressure!

    Had the implant out now and OH said he feels l ike were free lol, has anyone told anyone that their trying, i've only told one person, again to not add any pressure!

    Thanks for the good luck wishes xx
  • I told 1 person when we were TTC for our first, that was enough!!
    A mate of mine announced it in the pub; everytime anyone saw her the first thing they asked was 'are you pregnant yet?' to the extent she had to admit it at 8 weeks and then felt bad until 12 week all-clear because EVERYBODY knew. I watched her under pressure and couldn't handle it myself, so have told nobody this time that we've been TTC (although have decided to wait a few months for now...well, waiting for AF as was meant to start thursday and no sign!)

    So we're not telling anybody. We told our parents when we'd got BFP at what we thought was 5 weeks (turned out to be 9!!) and my idiot MIL bought us baby gifts there and then!!!! I had major bleeds after that and blamed her...stupid I know...but after that we decided we'd tall nobody until 12 weeks just to be safe...sorry I'm rambling now!! lol.

    Kel xx
  • Aw Kel, sorry to hear bout you M/C I think you do right tho keeping quiet until the 12th week, I know I will be. Although I will have to tell work and uni! as I work with challenging behaviour - still not started baby dancing though as still AF - booooo lol xx
  • Yeah I'm AF too, so boo for both of us! In too minds as to whether to wait til May or not to start TTC properly or not so I flit between planning & trying! DH is getting confused with me!

    Think he just doesn't want to use condoms anymore image

    Anyway, good luck! x
  • OH is confused with me too, as I have also been talking about setting a date for wedding, he says I need to make my mind up lol

    Why are you thinking of waiting till May, any particular reason? Im also thinking of putting it off a couple of months, as I have got peter kay tickets, and if I was lucky enough to conceive straight away EDD would be November and the show is 22nd Novemeber, I wouldnt be arsed usually but their second row - haha

    Good Luck to you too - gorgeous pic by the way image xx
  • Thank you! I think he's a cutie but then I would! :\)

    We're thinking of waiting because if we got BFP now we'd have 2 kids with birthdays close together, and close to Xmas. The cost of it all will be horrendous espec as they get older and want computer games and the likes! So we thought start trying May, not expecting to fall straight away and then hopefully have a summer baby.

    DS was born 15 Nov so would be nice to be able to go for walks in warm weather rather than freezing cold and rain!! But I'm soooo broody!! Have bought OPKs and a thermometer ready to start charting!!

    Don't blame you wanting to wait with Peter Kay tickets! Perhaps you could do the wedding REALLY quickly and then start TTC on honeymoon? Depends how lavish a wedding you want I guess! Exciting either way! I'd say go for the baby option but then I'm already married :lol:

  • Ah thats a good point, dont blame you for waiting, well me and OH had UPSI last night (too much information - sorry) and i said well I might miss Peter Kay, and he said don't worry I will too lol Oh well what will be will be.

    I would LOVE to get married quickly, we have been looking into doing one of the whirlwind weddings at a local hotel, but its finding the money.

    I actually have a wedding dress and wedding rings, as we booked a wedding before which we had to postpone, however never set a new date! I just want a cheap simple wedding lol xxx
  • kate - why not find a really pretty registry office and have it there if money is an issue - yu could then go with a local resturant for the reception which should be much cheaper

    also wanted to say loads and loads of blokes are rubbish with new borns - i don't think they see the point - i know loads of blokes that love kids once they start talking and interacting but cannot abide babies (personally, i think i'm a little bit the other way)
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