I'm constantly planning problem is hubby isn't ready

Hi,

I've been lurking for some time but this is my first post -sorry for the rant but thought you ladies might be able to help especially as I can't really talk to friends about this.

I know this i'm not the only one but I have been feeling broody for years. We got married last year and have always said we wanted several children only problem is I'm not getting any younger and my OH isn't ready. Everyone around me is pregnant/having kids and I feel so down about it, obviously I can't force OH into changing his mind but I am constantly thinking about babies, getting pregnant and having a family.... he really doesn't understand -has no clue.

He says that we need to do X, Y, Z before we even think about it but evrytime we talk about it another thing gets added to the list. I don't want to put him off the idea, but he doesn't like talking about it and I find it so hard not to talk about having babies.... as that is what I think about so much of the time

My work is related to fertility and I know so much of the problems that can happen and I know that lots of people get pregnant straight away etc but its a constant worry to me. My family are constantly telling me to get on with having kids as my time is running out..... I'm not that old I'm 31 but we do want 3-4 children.

I've decided I need to finish the course I'm on part-time and lose some more weight so am trying to persuade myself that by doing this I'll be getting closer to TTC but the other part of me thinks he'll never change his mind and whats the point -I may as well scoff hot-X buns.

We both have jobs, a loving relationship, our health, somewhere to live, I have some debts but we could easily manage starting a family. I just feel very ungrateful and that I should appreciate what I've got.

Anyone got any advice to stop feeling broody -how to explain how all consuming broodiness is? Will OH eventually come round?

DM x

Posts

  • Hi Dolly Mixture

    Sorry to hear that you are having a tough time with the whole broody thing.

    I think it;s always going to be hard for the majority of women to even try to begin to explain what feeling broody is liek to their husbands, I had never really understood it until the start of the year when it hit me like a sledgehammer!

    I've mentioned it a couple of times to hubby and he is more receptive to bringing forward plans to TTC now that I've explained that it's so important to me. I just described it to him as being a need rather than a want and that it is both exciting and terrifying.

    Maybe if he hears that you are also slightly scared by the prospect of having children he will feel more able to talk about his fears...... just a suggestion as I am no agony aunt!!

    in addition, I'd also recommend not talking too much about it around him. Men are funny creatures and like ideas so much more if they think that they are theirs..... image

    xxxxx
  • Hi hun,
    Firstly I have to agree with DTT when she says that men like things better when its their idea! Perhaps sit him down and ask him exactly what it is that's encouraging him to put it on hold and then work out how long it will take for those things to be sorted so that you can kind of set a round about date.

    If that's too long for you to wait then you've just got to work at bringing it forward. I managed it and I know a lot of people on here manage to persuade their hubbys to change their mind. Just explain that nobody goes into ttc without being worried/nervous. Also, I found that coming off the pill early so that I could get to know my body again encouraged him to think about it because he could see that it was something I really wanted.

    Also, when all of the babies around you are born and he starts handling them, just keep telling him how great he is and cooing over him with them. It will make him more confident around babies.

    Men don't get the same maternal instincts us women get so they just can't understand what its like. I found I got quite hurt when talking to him sometimes because I was so desperate to ttc but it didn't bother him in the slightest.

    I hope you to see you over in ttc soon! Good luck hun!
  • Hi,
    Thanks for you replies -had a chat to my OH and he doesn't know what we are waiting for but feels as though things are a bit up in the air at the moment and that he isn't quite ready. I talked about my concerns that we want a fairly big family and as time goes by I worry we wont be able to have that...

    So we have kinda comprimised and agreed to leave it until the autumn and seriously work out what we are doing then but in the meantime sort our lifes out to get ready for a baby in our lives. I need to lose weight and pay off some bills. But at least I have a target, a plan and know that we are likely to be TTC before the end of the year!!

    Anyway thanks again. I will probably still lurk but am hopeful it will be me soon enough.

    DMx

    I'm so much happier now, I have a vague timescale and feel that we will soon be TTC (not just one day).
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