Needing company - ready to TTC but Hubby says "no" :cry:

I need some company on here of girls that want to TTC but are having to wait for their partners to be ready........

Hubby and I had decided to wait and start TTC in March/April 2011. I wanted to start trying now but he doesn't feel that we've had enough time as just us two and so he wants to wait a little longer before bringing another person into our relationship. I was a little disappointed but considering he had always thought that we'd have 3 years of married life before starting TTC I figured that settling for 18 months was a good compromise!!!

A couple of week ago we were at a wedding with a friend who is a very new father (6 weeks) and he was asking me when we were going to start trying. Having had a few drinks I said that I was more than happy to do so now but that it was Hubby who was delaying things. He decided to chat to Hubby about fatherhood etc and by the end of the night my husband said to me that he wanted whatever I wanted and that we could stop trying not to conceive but not get all fussy with dates and temperatures etc. He'd had a bit to drink so I didn't get too excited but when he mentioned it again the next morning he still seemed keen. Hurrah, I thought - Babies here we come!!!

Skip to our holiday and getting down to some business when he stopped me and reached for a condom................ you can imagine that that confused me somewhat and then I totally lost my mojo!! We talked about why I wasn't very into it and I explained the confusion of him bothering with contraception. It was then that he said that he was drunk the night he said it and also in the morning when we talked again and that I should have realised that and not got all excited. He even accused me of thinking of nothing else (so not true)

Was fuming to say the least but what can I do?? We're not using Persona and so should be safe until March but I don't think he really trusts that method either. Men are so damn frustrating!

Rant over!

BB x


  • Hello lovely,

    Sorry you're having a hard time. That must be so frustrating to have got your hopes up and then had them dashed....

    My hubby feels I'm doing the same thing and moving the goal posts (we were going to start TTC Sept but moved to Dec/Jan because of mortgage renewal - I am only trying to be sensible about it and December can't come soon enough!). I'm therefore the one who stops and says about contraception so I'm sure he'd be a better person to talk to than me!

    Have you managed to have a conversation "out of the moment" if you know what I mean? Maybe when the pressure's off a bit it will be easier to talk about how you both feel about things.

    Hope you're ok anyway. Sorry I can't be anymore help! xx
  • Hi Racheybaby

    I guess at least one half of a couple has to be sensible and I was just having a bit of a rant yesterday!

    We've talked about it a bit more and it makes sense to wait until March. We're going to Australia to see his family and then on to HK to visit friends so it will be our last holiday of late nights and partying before we start to TTC.

    Now I just have to find a way to stay in this job until then....... boss driving me insane!

    A little envious of your Dec/Jan plans but March is only 8 months away and the last 8 months have gone so fast that it'll be here before I know it!

    Have you started taking folic acid yet? I am a bit of a dunce on these things and suppose that I should really be getting my body ready for March at some point but have no idea how soon to start!!!

  • Hi hun, my dh was exactly the same!! we've now agreed to start ttc sep time after he's qualified as a personal trainer. If it was up to me we'd b ttc now but i can also understand that he wants his diploma under his belt b4 we try for #2.
    It's harder for woman because feeling broody is not a choice we have it's just a natural feeling that u can't stop, i explained this to hubbie & he was really understanding about it.
    I know u must b feeling really fustrated hun but i bet the rest of the yr will fly by & maybe as u move nearer to your ttc date he will reconsider.
    I know that the more i nag my husband the more he tells me i've got to wait so i call his bluff sometimes & say i don't want any more kids & that annoys him even!!
    hugs hun xx
  • hahaha! Maybe that's my answer - tell him I've decided I don;t want kids!

    Our friend suggested I challenge him by saying "I bet you can't get me pregnant" but sadly he's a little more complex than that!! x
  • I feel your pain beyondbroody! This could have been my story! I have a baby now who's 1year 6 months and i think i am ready for another one but my hubby has been so UNCO-OPERATIVE! I thought i had convinced him two months ago and when i was ovulating, i was so excited to be making love only for him to withdraw just as ...u know! I was so ANGRY! He keeps doing this every time now, even when I'm "safe" because he does not trust me to tell him when I'm "safe" or not! It hilarious sometimes but at other times, it so frustrating cos its like he has the key and there's nothing i can do if he's not going to release it! LOL! My advice to you dear sister is be patient, Stop talking about babies for a while and just enjoy your sex life, Its working for me, i know these men would come around soon. And oh! Don't forget to pray about it if you can, prayers work wonders.
  • I've just had a baby (she'll be 3 weeks old tomorrow) and already I want to start planning for the next, I want my children to be quite close in age, because there is only 18 months (and 3 days) between my sister and I, and we get on really well, we're more like best friends than siblings, so I want that for my children too. I thought my OH wanted that too, but now he's saying he wants us to get married before having another baby! Now let me tell you.. I'm not all that keen on marriage, I've never wanted to get married, and basically only got engaged to him because it's what he wanted and I just want to make him happy.. Surely he'd want to make me happy too? And that can only happen if he agrees to TTC after my birthday! (My birthday is in April.. So it's not for a while yet anyway). I'm just so frustrated and angry because while I was pregnant with our daughter, he was totally agreeing with me, and saying we'd have our children close in age.
    URGHHH. Sorry, I'll stop ranting now.
  • I am taking folic acid, but I know I'm early for December TTC. Started taking it when it was going to be earlier (I think they say 3 months before), but seemed silly to stop now I'm in the habit and it apparently won't do any harm.

    So jealous of you going to Australia and Hong Kong! I'd love a holiday right now! I'm sure you'll have an amazing time.

    Hope everyone else is ok too. Lots of frustrated ladies (and men!). :cry:

  • Hurrah - it's Friday!!!!
    I am desperately in need of a weekend of relaxation. What is everyone up to for the next few days?
  • Woop, woop it's friday!! however i am working tonight & all day tomorrow!! don't mind though coz i work for mothercare & totally love my job image great perks too...only thing is it really doesn't help my broodniness!!
    Hubby has ds all day which is nice for them & i come out of mummy mode for a few hrs!
    How is everyone?
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