How can I talk him round???

Hi everyone I have a great2 and 1/2 year old and o late have been thinking about number 2.
me and my OH didn't want any kids sio the 1st 1 was a surprise. after i had her i was on depo and 6 months ago changed to the implant.

prob is my OH is contented with the way we are. and definatey dosen't want another child. i'm not despertate for one but would like one before my daughter gets 2 old etc. the fact that i hav e the implant i means it cant be an accident. lol

i can see his point though as were just about geting by on the money that we hve and i do wory that having another baby would mean that we wouldn't get any time to ourselves. we found it hard when my daughter was smaller and needless tos say our sex life never wen back to the wy it was b efore we had a baby as were (espec me) are always tired

what do you think i should do? should i e gretful with what i have? has anyone else had this problem? and does any one know of a way that i could talk my OH round? :\? :roll:

Posts

  • hiya blackrain, i kind of agree with susiee, but can see your point as well, i think just keep talking to him about it, which should make him weigh up the options more, not much u can really do to change his mind im afraid, xxx
  • this has been my situation for last 18 months!!!
    We have a gorgeous 5 year old boy and over last year or so i have been desperate for a baby!! hubby unfortunately hasnt been!!
    He is 40 next year and thinks he is too old which is really not true!!
    i just said that i didnt want our son to be an only child and if anything where to happen to us he would have no one that was particularly close to him. he kind of came around but just said do without him knowing. (if you see what i mean!!!)
    so that is what i have been doing!! i had my coil out mid jan and there we go!!!
    All i would say is persevre and try to make him see the benefits of a 2nd child. The new baby will only cost as much as you make it cost!! We have always been told that 2nd children are easier too!!

    good luck!

  • I know this is never an easy subject to approach especially when you know that you may not hear what you want to hear. Your OH obviously has some concerns which he has expressed to you but you just need to speak to him about how you feel and the positives that can come from having another child.

    Money is a funny thing, we always want more of it and are never really comfortable. Why dont you have sit down one evening and discuss finances and come up with a game plan. My husband and I did exactly that and worked out everything down to take home pay when on maternity leave so that we get no nasty surprises. We have also been saving since the beginning of this year for when we TTC in october which will help for when baby no 2 does come along.

    Just remind him that there is never going to be a right or wrong time but you can be prepared. Im sure he will come round and just think of all the fun of trying for a baby. He has got to be game then image

    Good Luck X
  • We were in a similar situation. We did want children but in 10 years or so (we had our 22month old when we were 19 and 22) and after marriage etc (his family is traditional so I'm guessing this is the path we would have taken) But, I got pregnant and I wanted to keep my baby. It took oh a *long* time (I would say over a year!) to get used to him and enjoy spending time with him. So much so we split up when he was 16 months then got back together again 3 months later. Oh always told me he did not want ANY more children but he's changed his mind now and wants to ttc in september, so they do change their minds lol. I'm a bit worried about ttc as oh is getting made redundant in July and he's always had a fairly well paid job, but he's had a few interviews and he's willing to do any job, and I work so I reckon we will be OK. I don't believe babies are as expensive as people think. Clothes aren't expensive and people buy you loads anyway, we wouldnt have had to buy ds clothes till he was 6 months as we had SO many, the other expenses are milk and nappies, and child benefit covers this. My ds will be hopefully out of day time nappies by the time no.2 arrives (he'll be just turned 3 if we conceive 1st month) yet not at the age were we'll have to buy school books, shoes and uniforms, so I think it's a good gap in that respect. All you can do is persuade your other half, I think a good reason for us is, we don't want lo to be an only child as he's really spoiled already lol. He loves babies, and I think if we wait much longer he will be jealous., could this be a good reason for your oh?? x
  • hi
    i had to reply. Its so damn hard aint it. you feel selfish for wanting more and bad for pushing the situation. i am married and have 2 kids a boy 3 and a girl 15 months. My hubby only ever wanted 2 kids and now he has - one of each - perfect. And it is they are my life. however i want 3 kids so therain lies the problem. i have broached the subject and it has caused so much heartache and tears i wont discuss it any more. Hubby says no way so thats that. i have the implant too which i must admit i love and will never have the pill again.
    how do i deal with the overwhelming need for another child? i never saw myself with 2 kids i always wanted more. yet that makes me sound sooooo selfish as i have 2 healthy perfect kids! people think im barking mad! yet the thought of never having anymore is very hard to swallow and it does upset me alot at times.
    my hubby is just starting out his business so it would not be happening at the moment anyway and i would like to wait until my youngest is in school as nursery fees of ??800 a month cripple us!
    i dont want to be doing it again.

    however hubby wont even commit to "lets see how things go" he is a firm "i dont want anymore so no" which i think is selfish of him to not see my point and how i feel.
    there are many many reasons not to have more so many more reasons than to have more but i cant get rid of the feelings and the need which is very frustrating!

    does this feeling ever go away? will i have another and still feel the same? i dont think i will but i may be wrong. so i know how you feel those who are in the same situation.
    Hayleyxx
  • hiya im in the same position, would love to say to be grateful for what u have got but ive tried that and now feel i need another baby not just want, i have wanted 1 for 2 and a half yrs my dh really doesnt want one so im stuck! dont really have any tips on talking oh round i know with my dh he doesnt like it if i go on and on at him, dropping hints is the best way i find like letting him know when your doing spomething that would be lovely with another baby around. its such a horrible situation they just dont get how much the need of wanting one takes over!! i really hate that he can just say no so easily and there is nothing i can do but accept it! hope you manage to work everythin out
  • hi hun sorry g/c.

    my husbnd was like this about 4 months ago. He's 1 of 5 so wanted to do theopposite.

    He hs now totlly changed his mind and cant wait for us to get pregnant.

    good luck
  • Hi, I'm not sure if I can help with how to convince your hubby to have another baby, sorry!
    But, I am an only child and I have always hated it. It's horrible not having had anyone to grow up with, to argue with, to play silly games with etc. I know lots of siblings don't get on with each other, DH and his sister don't particularly get on, but they will always be there for each other. Although I had a good childhood, sometimes it could be incredibly lonely, especially if my parents were busy with work or housework etc. My parents never left me out of anything, but that meant I grew up in quite an adult world, and even now I find it easier to get on with older people than I do with people of my own age.
    I would love a big family but DH wants two kids and that's fine by me too. I don't know what I would do if he decided he only wanted one. I think I would just have to convince him that from personal experience I wouldn't want my child to feel like I did when I was growing up.

    Maybe if you explain to your hubby that you are worried about dd being an only child and how she will feel as she grows up about being an only child, and so you would like her to have a sibling?

    Also, DH says that me being an only child has made me into a massive geek cos I spent so much time reading!

    Anyway, sorry this has turned into a really long post and good luck convincing hubby! :\)

    xx
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