Newbie - emotional advice please


I am trying to make sense of everything. I am 32 and no where near ready for a baby. However, my husband has suddenly decided that he would like a baby before he gets too old. He's 34.

I am not against the idea. But my mum had problematic pregnancies. My friends have also had bad pregnancies and births.

I don't particularly want to go through it.

I don't know what to think. What should I do?

I have got to go now.

Thanks in advance.


  • Hi I didnt want to read and run, but not sure if what I say will help. I am 30 and H2B is 40 and we have just started to TTC. For a long time I knew I wanted kids but wasnt ready, then 1 day I ran out of reasons to say no. It felt like a weight had been lifed off my shoulders. There is never, ever a "right" time to have children, but somehow almost everyone manages. What about if you and hubby sat down and discussed all the practical stuff like where a baby would sleep, childcare, finances etc and then talk about the emotional stuff - pros and cons. Please dont listen or get too worried by all the horrible pregnancy and birth stories out there, we only ever seem to hear about the bad experiences but it cant be that bad or people would never go on to have more than 1 child! Do you have any friends or relatives you could talk too who have had straight forward births? This might help ease your worries as you would hear a positive story rather than a negative one. I think it's only natural that we have worries about having a baby its such a huge deal but hopefully you can reach a decision that both you and your hubby are happy with. Sorry for the mammoth reply, and lots of hugs, hope you feel better soon.
  • Hello,
    From what you are saying, it sounds like you are put off pregnancy due to family and friends experience. Obviously, everybody starts their families at different times depending on their circumstance. My suggestion would be to sit down with your husband and disuss the things which worry you about falling pregnant etc. But also, discuss falling pregnant and starting a family and how will you provide for them finacially. Some people choose to work and save lots of money before choosing baby and luxuries whereas as others choose baby and put luxuries to one side.

    In terms of labour, its well worth it when you think of the life and enjoyment a child brings to you compared to the no of hrs and the pain that you endure. Everybody has different mind sets to help them get through labour. I personally didnt even think about labour until about 35-36wks with my lo. I didnt want it to put me off my pregnancy.
    You dont have to disclose anything but when you say problematic is it a hereditory condition that your mother suffered with. Personally I would say dont let others experience put you off. You will often hear more about peoples troublesome pregnancy and little about those of us who have good experiences. There will be a number of people on BE who can tell you about how labour was better than they expected and their pregnancies were on the whole good times. People often complain about morning sickness etc but this is normal and just your body adapting.

    If you and your hubby decide that starting a family is what you want to do, try and put the negative experiences you have heard behind you and concentrate on the positive. Everybody is indivudal and as a result everybodys pregnancy and labour is different. If and when you do decide to ttc, dont let others put you off. Just remember its only 9months roughly which seems long at first, but you will have soon forgotten about it once a lo arrives. My lo is 19months and being pregnant seems like ages ago!

    Im not sure if this is much help, but I do think that you need to sit down with your hubby and discuss any worries that you may have. Im sure your hubby will support you both emotionally and physically.

    [Modified by: Joey08 on December 29, 2009 02:15 PM]

  • No. Thank you both for answering. I just need to discuss things that worry me. There are lots of questions I need answering before 'we go for it'.

    It's just I am in the phase where the pros and cons are balanced. It was my new GP who also made me think too.

    I think I will just have a look on this site for answers. I am bound to not be alone in my worries.

    Thanks again
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