Just a little moan...

Hi girls, hope you are all well? I am just in need of a little moan today.. We are now on our 6th month of trying! I feel like I have lost count. I know 6 months is not really THAT long but I'm just really starting to get so desprate to be pregnant. image

I am 27 days into cycle, ovulated around day 17( Ive upgraded from cheapy ovulation tests to clear blue digital). My cycles have been between 29 and 34 days over the last few months so I am not allowing myself to test until Fri when it would be cycle day 32. But to be honest I know that we've not done it this month again, AF if definatley on her way. I still find myself clinging onto whatever little symptom I can convince myself I have! All I can think about all the time is that we should have our little girl who would be 9 months old!! And I could be upto 6 months pregnant again by now but I'm not, I'm beginning to think someone up there really doesn't like me. I keep thinking well what if I'm not getting pregnant because 'somebody' know things are going to go all wrong again. Maybe i'm being nieve to yhink that this time things will go right! Everwhere I look there's babies and bumps, people announcing they are pregnant, I just so want that to be me- I'm ashamed to admit that I am turning into a very jealous person and that's just not me.

When I started college, I always said I would be fine unless somebody got pregnant before me( a very selfish way to think I know) well you guessed it one of the girls announced last week she is 12 weeks pregnant. I know that I'm going to see her everyday at college, hear all her news and watch her bump grow. The whole class seems to talk about it all day long and all the mums give her advice etc and I just find it hard. I should be happy for her, why should she not talk about her news etc but I just can't bare it sometimes. I had to go to the toilets the other day to get away from the conversation. I so mean, I sound like a total bitch I'm not honestly I am a nice person, I guess babies and bumps are just a difficult topic.

Sorry to lower the mood of the forum... X

Posts

  • Oh I am so sorry. I don't really know what to say to make you feel better as I know I can't change anything.
    Something that helps me is the belief that if my Angel was meant to be with me now, she would be. It hurts like hell she's not but I've got to believe she's gone because God knows what he's doing otherwise I don't know I could carry on.
    I also feel it's so unfair, I don't smoke, don't drink, wouldn't even have paracetomal through pregnancy, in bed by 10 etc and yet it happened to me! There doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason why anything happens to us, I feel I'm constantly having my strength tested while others seem to breeze through life. Just know although it was brief you ARE an amazing mum and noone can ever take that away from you. Not everyone can go through what you have and cone out the other side that makes you an amazing woman too. All my friends were/are pregnant too and I was the statistic that went wrong, I wouldn't wish ill on the others but it doesn't mean I can't hurt about it.
    I can't give you any magic tricks ttc but I know that when the time is tight you will have another bundle of joy that will never be taken fir granted and loved so much.
    Take care and fingers crossed for your bfp asap x
  • I know people put quite a few poems on here but this particular one gave me a little comfort so I hope you don't minfmd me sharing it with you abd I hope it helps a little x




    "What Makes a Mother"????
    by Jennifer Wasik

    I thought of you and closed my eyes????
    And prayed to God today.????
    I asked what makes a Mother????
    And I know I heard him say...

    A mother has a baby????
    This we know is true.????
    But, God, can you be a mother????
    when your baby is not with you?

    Yes, you can He replied,????
    With confidence in His voice.????
    I give many women babies????
    When they leave is not their choice.

    Some I send for a lifetime,????
    And others just for a day.????
    And some I send to feel your womb,????
    But there's no need to stay.

    I just don't understand this God,????
    I want my baby here.????
    He took a breath and cleared His throat????
    And then I saw a tear.

    I wish I could show you????
    What your child is doing today.????
    If you could see your child smile????
    With other children and say:

    "We go to earth to learn our lessons????
    Of love and life and fear.????
    My mummy loved me oh so much????
    I got to come straight here.

    I feel so lucky to have a mum????
    Who has so much love for me.????
    I learned my lessons very quickly,????
    My mummy set me free.

    I miss my mummy Oh so much,????
    But I visit every day.????
    When she goes to sleep????
    On her pillow is where I lay.

    I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek????
    And I whisper in her ear.????
    Mummy don't be sad today,????
    I'm your baby and I'm here."

    So, you see my dear sweet one,????
    Your children are not blue.????
    Your babies are here in MY home,????
    They'll be at Heaven's gate waiting for you.

    So now you see what makes a mother,????
    It's the feeling in your heart.????
    It's the love you had so much of,????
    Right from the very start.

    Though some on earth may not realize you are a mother,????
    Until their time is done.????
    They'll be up here with Me one day,????
    And they'll know you were the best one!

  • Hay,

    Thanks for your words, you are right just helps to hear it sometimes! image also thankyou so much for posting the poem, my periods arrived today (early) so have been a bit low. Beautifull poem, brought a few tears to my eyes and now I can't wait to go to sleep to dream about my babygirl lying down beside me image xxx
  • Hay,

    Thanks for your words, you are right just helps to hear it sometimes! image also thankyou so much for posting the poem, my periods arrived today (early) so have been a bit low. Beautifull poem, brought a few tears to my eyes and now I can't wait to go to sleep to dream about my babygirl lying down beside me image xxx
  • I'm glad it helped, hope you are feeling better today compared with yesterday. I know my af will show up too and dreading it )although really hoping it won't) , it's hard but you know you can get pregnant and it will happen, I've got everything crossed for you too, take care x
  • I'm glad it helped, hope you are feeling better today compared with yesterday. I know my af will show up too and dreading it )although really hoping it won't) , it's hard but you know you can get pregnant and it will happen, I've got everything crossed for you too, take care x
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