Just humour me

hi all

I know this is compeltly insane but im not really with it and have to talk to somebody. Im hiding as i dont want it to be general knowledge and less ppl will check on here as a newbie is posting. if you are reading and know me, I know its mad but well there are no words

As you know ive been sterilised and aome helpful individual mentioned how ofter sterilisation fails. Now as much as i do want another baby i dont want to be pregnant as medical condition makes it possibly lifethreatening and thats the reason Ted was premmie and that contributed to his death. But from years of ttc i know all the signs, know my body and know i am 1dpo on my first cycle since he flew. (I assume egg is just reasbsorbed as tubes are clipped) Since falling with the twins i fell with DS3 and Ted in the first cycle so i figure if its worked i will know in 14days and its making me feel all weird.

not really any reply to this but had to get it out


team blue double bubble


  • hiya
    firstly its not insane.. anyway all us over here are entitled to be a bit insane!
    i dont really get what u r saying tho, u meen u feel pregnant?
    or ure just feeling weird because u r waiting for reasurance that its worked?
  • I dont know lol

    weird that in the past ive waited for ov signs and then bded. Weird that we bd last night because i knew i was fertile but im not coz tubes are blocked weird that im thinking about being pg when really i cant be. I dont feel pg i didnt even think it wouldnt work until this person said about it not being successful.

    dont think i make any sense, cant explain to anyone

    thanks for replying tho

  • i would say these are completely normal feelings given what has happened to u .
    grief is alot of different emotions.
    when my baby died it was jan 09 and jade goody was ill with her cervical cancer... when i came out of hospital i was CONVINCED i had cervical cancer.... no reason for this at all but i would have put my life on it... i had to wait 6 weeks to have smear and those 6 weeks i worried myself sick and i meen sick!!!!
    looking back now it was obviously some knid of depression/greif/phychosis ?lol..
    what i guess im saying is that we can get some of the weirdest feelings and emotions as what u have gone through is not human nature?... children not supposed to die before you therefore everything is back to front and upside down anyway .. dont know if im making any sense..
    and maybe ur reading to much into what the women said becoz of course u want a baby... ure bodys telling u u should be looking after one isnt it?.. its how humans work.
    take it easy x
  • Thank you

    Its so helpful to have somewhere where im not treated with pity but understanding. I really thought i was going mad but your right, my arms ache so much to hold Ted to have a snuggle i guess everything is understandable when you have lost a baby.

  • Hi,
    I didn't now you'd been sterilised, I must have missed that post. It's good to see you posting more often again!! And i don't blame you for being discreet until you get back in the swing of things!!
    I've not heard of sterilisation going wrong, but then it's not a huge topic of conversation you have with people really is it! I've heard of vasectomy's not working, but not this?? Some people just don't think do they, why would someone plant this thought in your head!! I suppose there's a risk of any contraceptive going wrong, I mean tons of women fall pregnant on the pill. Perhaps once this month passes you will get more used to the idea you won't be trying for any more children. It's a massive decision you have made in doing this and you're a braver woman than I am!! Ted was a lucky little boy to have had you in his life for the short time he was here and your other 3 sons are lucky boys too xx
  • I hadn't really known much about you either. I think it's a great idea coming in on another name, I'd been quite tempted to do that too as as lovely as it is for people to follow you around and care, you want to try and seperate yourself a bit at first.
    I agree with what everyone else says, I think it's terrible someone would say that to you (well meaning or not) and your emotions will be all over the place. It must have been a very hard decision to make but also by the sounds of it a very sensible one. You've lost a child and your thoughts will be all over the place. I'd also gone through still feeling pregnant, thinking I was dying- booked my first smear within weeks as was certain I had cancer, got my husband checked out for a lump on his neck and even got zachariah checked over for a cyst on thumb. I was petrified of one of us dying. We all got the all clear but I'd let the fear control me. I think we've all had the desperate yearning for a child after our loss and you will be no different. This whole experience is just very hard on your body, mind, heart and soul. Emotions will be up and down and a complete mess. You're not crazy, you're going through grieving the loss of your little boy and thankfully you can talk freely here and we all have a good understanding althpugh each slightly different through our own experiences.
    I hadn't been sure whether you'd had other children or not, 3 boys, how lovely, I am sure they are doing a wonderful job at helping you get through this, I know my 2yr old son has been my little rock and made getting up in the morning still hold a reason in my life. A big job for such little shoulders bless him. Take care of yourself x ????
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