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Anyones twins opposite natured? Are they reacting to me??

Hey ladies
firstly thank you for all the messages of support youhave given me after the terrible news of my m/c!
Thought i would start with that as it hyas really been helpful to know that i am not alone because it was the lonliest feeling i have ever encountered!
Secondly i may as well update you on Ella she has been taken off her oxygen as of tuesday when they reviewed her image She still naps longer than Ruby but other than that shes her usual self and shes not got a cough or anything! So thats great considering how poorly she was she seems to have bounced back quickly we have to see the cardiologist in may about the hole in her heart im praying they are happy to leave her as she is because i dont want her having open heart surgery especially when she's just gotten better! Keep you posted on that!!
Now onto the title and reason for this post.....
Are any of your twins (particularly ID's) opposite natured??
Ella is a quiet baby and she's good and tidy too she puts her toys away when she's done and she has a toy iron and hoover and she irons her dolls clothes while i iron and follows me round with the hoover. Ruby wold rather use the dustpan and brush as a musical instrument. They are both walking now and their speech is coming on loads they can certainly get across what they want, which is obviously great! Ruby though is different to Ella she is demanding and always on the go climbing on things falling over touching th9ings she shouldn't and creating havoc anywhere she goes. She doesnt neccesarily have tantrums she's just naughty she does stuff that she knows she shouldnt and when i tell her off she laughs runs away and is back doing it b2 mins later. I only have to look at Ella when she's doing summit wrong and she stops cries and runs over for a cuddle. They are both extremes just at opposite ends they are similar ijn their likes a dislikes and that which means they do get on to a degree but im like i don't want Ella to turn into a wingey clingy child as she has never been clingy (this started b4 she was ill btw so its not that) but equally i dont want Ruby to be hyperactive and disrespectful =/ Do i have summit to worry about here or is it just their ages?? I know kids push boundries and i am firm with Ruby if she carries on doing it i keep telling her off and taking her away but she thinks its a game. Is she too young for real dicipline like time out?? I mean they are only 15month almpost 16months! How do i also stop Ella being over sensitive?? Just wondering if anyone else has noticed this?

Onto the second question in the title.....
We had told the girls that ,mummy was going to have more babies so when i lost the twins we had to tell the girls they had gone so we saught advice from GP on how to do this and we basically said mummys babies were called up to heaven in the sky and they were angels and they just said bye bye that was it obv they dont iunderstand how upsetting it is at their age. Obv ive been upset and exhausted as not sleeping and bleeding quite heavily with crampy pains so havent been in the mood to play with them as much but ive done the best i could and so has sam and we have took some comfort in them. However Ruby's naughtiness has gotten worse since Ella was in hospital and Since ive been down after the m/c its up a level again.....Ella is crying more since i had the m/c and im wondering if they are sensing my emotions...? Reacting to them just in different ways?! Could Ruby be feeling like she isnt getting enough attention and does Ella feel she has to cry to be like mummy i try not to cry in fron of them but sometimes i cant stop it =/ is this affecting my babies?
Also since Ella has been home Ruby hasnt been as sisterly to her and has started to get a bit aggresive with hair pulling and biting being the favourites! At the moment Ella just cres and runs to me and i tell Ruby off and hug Ella but i dont know if this is right or if it makes it worse im worried Ruby resents Ella for going away if she doesnt understand that Ella couldnt help it kind of thing as before they were inseparable and hugging each other all the time! I mean do twins grow in and out of each other too?? Or is it anger again at the fact that ive not been the same lately i hate the thought i could be potentially effecting my babies emotionally!
What do you ladies think and am i handling the situ right....a friend suggested if Ruby bites then i should bite her but isnt that cruel?? Or encouraging her if she sees mummy doing it?? Aomeone else told me to encourage Ella to stand up for herself otherwise later in life she will be picked on by pother kids but i dont want to encourage her tro be violent or aggresive!
These babies should come with an instruction manual image Thank god for this site.....image
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Replies

  • OK, from a mummy point of view I cant be that much help as my ID boys are only 5 months old. However, they are VERY different. Ryan is quiet, calm and when he cries I KNOW there is something seriously wrong but Alfie is a whinger. He wants to be sat with me all the time, and will have a major melt down should anything not be to his liking! Im not sure how this will manifest itself when theyre older but at the moment I just let them get on with it!!

    Now, the other things you ask im going to answer from a teacher point of view. I hope you dont mind but I teach in a RAF school and have had experience of childrens reactions to parents/loss etc.

    The girls will be reacting to the news, as much as they can understand it, and they will see that you are upset. This isnt a bad thing. Its important they see that this is an emotional time and its ok to cry about it. Even though they wont remember this time well, the experiences they have will mould them and good and bad experiences are important. I would make sure you talk to them when youre upset, even if its just to tell them everything is ok, youre just feeling sad about the babies.

    In terms of the behaviour - I totally disagree with biting her back. I agree that this is cruel and will teach her nothing. Also, I dont think Ella is old enough to be taught to 'stick up for herself'. Especially if that isnt in her nature. She will learn to do this, you dont need to 'teach' her as such. With Ruby, yes, you do need to make sure she knows she is wrong, however, dont make too bigger deal out of it. Tell her what she has done is bad and she shouldnt hurt her sister, comfort Ella, then move on. She will soon learn that bad behaviour gets ignored. At the same time, praise like a mad woman anything she does that is remotely good. Once she gets the message you can tone it down a bit! lol!

    Ruby will undoubtedly be feeling pushed out at the moment, with Ella being ill and the loss of your angels, but it wont last. She will calm down once things get back to normal with Ella.

    I hope I have helped a little. As I say, most of that is not from a mummy point of view but from a teacher. Not sure what I will do as a mummy yet but hope I would take my own advice! lol.

    So sorry to hear of your losses. You were so very excited and it made me very sad to see this and hear that your babies had become little angels.

    Gemma, Ryan and Alfie 23 + 5
  • My two are non identical (boy/girl twins) and they are complete oppposites. My little girl is very independent, raring to go - commando crawling and trying to stand up, great feeder and brilliant sleeper. My little boy is clingy and whingy, rolls back and forth but that is it, not a great feeder and a terrible sleeper.

    Mrs WB (mum to Joshua and Sophie 11 months)
  • hi sorry to g/c

    my borther and sister are twins, and although they are 33 yrs old, i just thought i wld say, they are like chalk and cheese. my sister is quite screahy, loud, highly strung and generally annoying (lol) my borther however is the most laid back and fun person i know. my sister has always found it quite difficult to make friends (even within the family) where as my brother has always been fairly popular...my mum said they've always been polar opposites since they were born, my sister wld be whingy and grumpy but my brother lwd be quite happy to just sit and kick back, and they never really got on with each other, and even now they really don't see eye to eye, they really are so different.
  • My girls are identical and are not necessarily opposites but definitely have very different personalities.

    Grace is calmer, more sociable, will amuse herself for longer.
    Lily is a wild child. She always has been, even when I was pregnant. Now, she bores easily, arches her back and throws a tantrum when things aren't the way she wants and is generally more emotional.

    I'm afraid I can't help much with the behavioural side of things as I don't really have any experience of it and the girls aren't quite at that stage yet

    xx
  • Totally G/C here but totally agree with Gemmiebaby about the biting. I'm a childcare solicitor and have a case where a child was biten back as discipline and was taken immeditately into local authority care. So please don't do that!! x x x
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