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Is it wrong to feel like this... ;-(

Please dont shout at me as I feel bad enough as it is.

Im stressing because I know I should be pleased and excited about the twins. Hubby is and hes starting to worry about me now because im so scared. I feel awful admitting this but I didnt want twins and now I feel really really really bad that I feel like this. Im so glad theyre healthy after losing the last one and found out today that my cousin had her 12 week scan and has had a mmc. I feel so selfish for feeling this way but I dont seem to be able to help it.

Did anyone else feel this way? I want a baby so desperately. How do I know ill love them both the same? Can I love them enough if there is 2 of them?


  • Hi Gemmie, i couldnt read and run, i came in from ttc, and i dont think anyone will have a go at you and if they try i'll beat them up for you image

    but im sure finding out youre having twins is a real shock, i mean if you think about it some people are real shocked and worried when they find out they are only having one.

    may be you need to take a moment and think about what it is thats really worrying you about having twins, is it money, space, loving them, having time for them.

    If its any of these things then i would say that you will be a loving mother to these twins because even though they are not even here yet, you are already worrying about them and that is a mothers role, she worries about her kids.

    you already love them i can tell, just sit and think and once you have done that talk about it woth your husband because im sure under the excitement he is probably worried about the same things you are.

    I'm sorry if i was no help but i just felt i had to say something

    you are a special women for worrying about your children so soon

  • Oh hunny...your post bought tears to my eyes. I was so worried about opening this in case someone was telling me how awful I was (even though in my rational head I know that there is noone on here who would tell me off!)

    I dont really know what is worrying me and I think thats the problem. My heart is telling me I should be happy but my head wont let me! It all sounds so confusing. Think I will talk to hubby tonight and see what he thinks. I can normally talk to him about anything so this shouldnt be any different. I just dont want to disappoint him by making him think im not pleased because I am.

    I think I just imagined ploughing all this love into 1 child at a time and im worried im not going to be able to share it and that would be absolutely awful.

    Thankyou for your reply, and for making me feel better as you really have!

  • Gatecrashing, I've got absolutely no experience of twins but I didn't want to r&r. What you are feeling sounds very similar to how I felt when I had my second, I've only got 22 months between them and although No. 2 was planned and I was delighted to be pregnant I was also absolutely terrified! I had no idea how I was going to look after two little people at once, and couldn't believe I could find enough love to feel the same way about the second one as I did my first. What I found out when he arrived was that there is no limit to the amount of love you can have for your kids, you probably won't love them in the same way, particularly as they get older, because they are two different people who will have different personalities, but you will definately have the same amount of love for each.
    I think having twins is scarey, it's like being thrown straight into having 2 kids without the practise run most of us get!! I'm sure you will manage fantastically though, in a few months you'll wonder why you were ever worried.

    P.S Congratulations, and I'm very, very jealous, I would have loved twins when I had my first.
  • Hi

    firstly the proof that you love them both is that your so worried you cant love them if that makes sense. its proof your gonna be a fab mummy

    I also think after the m/c having twins is more stressful as its a higher risk pg. i fell pg with my twins after a m/c and i was so terrified id lose them i didnt buy anything until i was 24 weeks and most things i got after they were born.

    I think you should have a look for local twin clubs as lots of ppl feel how you do, my local club has one lady who didnt tell anyone it was twins until 2 weeks before they were born as she didnt want twins and cldnt face telling everyone. she now wldnt swap it for the world.

    It is hard, but I honestly think ive coped better because there are two of them. as for loving them i dont love them the same, i love them equally but differently if that makes any sense. i was worried when i had ds3 that i wldnt be able to love all of them but my best friend says love is like an unburstable balloon, the more you blow into it the bigger it gets, so the more you love the more you can love.

    dont forget hormones are all of the place and it is a shock, talk about it as much as you like and we are always here for you.

    Big hugs

  • Ah hun bless yours heart. No one in their right mind would shout at you!! I have 9 month twin girls and i completely understand what you mean. I too fell pg with the twins following a mmc and didnt know how to feel, excited, nervous, scared (very). As my pg went on it became a lot easier to deal with and then when the girls were born i found it surprisingly easier than i thought it would be!! and i am the most unorganised people ever!!

    Like DB said have a look into the twin clubs in your area, check out tamba or twins online

    Good luck and i hope you have a happy rest of pregnancy.

  • Hi hun, I was in a bit of a different situation but if you read my other posts you will read that my oh wanted an abortion when I accidentally fell pregnant but I wasn't sure.

    Anyway, after deciding to go ahead with the pregnancy you couldn't imagine how shocked we were that it was twins! We were so worried about everything - especially money. I was more worried about where my body was gonna grow twins as I'm only 5ft2 and my pre pregnancy weight was 7st5.

    Anyway, we told everyone and they were all so excited, we felt guilty for being worried as everyone said how lucky we were.

    As for cost.... we're pretty much set up now and it hasn't cost us that much at all. Last week I got two moses baskets off Ebay (Mothercare ones) for ??6.50! They are in spotless condition! I joined about 10 baby clubs and got loads of vouchers and freebies sent to me. I've managed to get 10 packs of nappies and 10 packs of wipes for nothing! as well as other freebies and info. I got all the decorating stuff for the nursery in the sales so it's a 'mix and match' nursery!

    I think you will get used to the idea soon hun and then you will be excited like we are!

    I'm feeling huge and uncomfortable now and now weigh 9st (which isn't bad) but my two girls are growing well and we can't wait to meet them now!

    Have you visited ? It's a really good website and has some good advice.

    Anyway, don't worry about feeling like this.... I felt terrible for talking about having an abortion on here when so many people were trying for babies and not being successful, but everyone was so nice to me.

    Are you on facebook? Feel free to add me if you want.... i've got pics of our nursery on there and my growing belly if you want a nose or even a chat sometime.

    Email me on here :\)

    Take care xx
  • Hi

    Firstly congratulations again on your twin pregnancy and of course nobody will be annoyed that you feel like this.

    I always said I would love twins and my late father was a twin so I was delighted when I found out at an early 6 week scan that I was expecting them. When I got home and told my normally laid back husband he was completely shocked!!. Although I had numerous scans/looked forward to and chatted loads about their imminent arrival, - IT STILL DID NOT SINK IN TILL THEY WERE BORN. They truly are a double blessing.

    Accept all the help that is offered to you and if these are your first do not buy loads as lots will be bought for you!! Borrow from friends the larger items if you can or again look on Ebay.

    You will have more than enough love to go round. It is hard constant work at times but well worth it.

    Enjoy and the best of luck and as DB says we are all here to advise xxx

    Mum to 12 weeks girls xx

    I also had an early mc before these (and a prior one before my dd)

  • Im so grateful at how lovely you ladies are. All the things you have said are all the things I have worried about and I can hardly see the screen through tears!

    I think I feel a little like everyone is so pleased for US...but are secretly glad it isnt them! Apart from you ladies I dont know anyone who has had twins so I feel a little like im leaping into the unknown head first with no one (apart from you - I now know how lucky I am I joined this site!) to learn from. I havent even had one baby, let alone jumping straight into having 2!

    Thank you again. You really dont know how much better you have made me feel by just listening and not judging. Its something I dont feel I can tell people in the real world, especially as they know how gutted we were at the mc, so I just feel so selfish. Its not as simple as that. I want these babies more than anything in the world, im just scared.

    Again, I have never had to write a post like this, where I was worried about the replies I would get, (I rewrote the original post about 4 times!) and I have never felt so relieved. My head knows that its ok to feel like this, its normal and a lot to do with hormones, money, love, caring for them, but my heart feels like ive betrayed them by feeling this way.

    Its such a muddle! Thanks again. I do feel much better, especially after a good cry! Ill keep you posted. Sorry if this post doesnt make sense...ill blame hormones again!!

    Gemma 11 weeks today with id twins!!! image
  • Hi Gemma,

    I am feeling a bit bewildered by the thought of twins too! All of my family and my hubby think its great but I too was feeling like it just wouldn't be the same as one at a time! I felt especailly awful considering I had fertility treatment to get here and the fact its twins means we will have a ready made family, i found myself turning up to a couple of scans (following bleeding) thinking that it wouldn't be so bad as long as i could keep just one... I felt horrible too just for thinking like that but i think a lot of how i was (still am a little) feeling is because I am thinking along similar lines to SnowAngel.... I'm not quite as petite but 5'4 and 9.5st and after searching for scary pics on the internet just couldn't imagine how things would go smoothly or how i will be able to get around later on!!!
    Just knowing there are other ladies on here to chat to makes things easier i think... we are all in the same boat and are scared from time to time!!!
    I think what is keeping me positive is hearing how special all the twin mummies say it is to hae double the love and cuddles!!
  • Gemma, one thing i noticed you wrote is ' i haven't even had one baby neer mind 2'... well i was the same, im now a mummy to 11 wk old twin girls and there my first babies so I know exactly what you feel and what i'd say is, if you haven't had one baby, you'll know no different, so caring for two will be fine, you wont have to compare them to your previous baby etc.

    I had no idea what this was going to be like and during pregnancy didn't worry as i dont think for me it sunk in until they were born, so its only after the birth i've experienced things like you describe. I love my girls to bits, but have said to my hubby 'how easy would one baby be?'...

    You'll be fine, x
  • when i found out i was expecting twinsa friend said 'God knows how great a mother you will be so blessed you with two'


  • MrsLizzieK - I was the same - I searched for pics online too and found some shocking ones. I was thinking oh my god where are mine gonna grow!!

    How far gone are you now? If you wanna add me on facebook and see how i'm growing etc I don't mind! haha! It's always nice to have some more twin mummy friends on facebook if you are on there. Email me image xx
  • Hi hun.
    I'm not having twins but didnt want to read and run. I have 2 children, my eldest, Abby, is 5 and Theo is 8 months and I'm 27+3 weeks pregnant with my 3rd. Theo was 6 weeks old when I found out I was pregnant again and at first, I was horrified. I really, really didnt want this baby and seriously considered not having it but I gave myself time to come round to the idea and now I'm so pleased I kept her and cant wait to meet her.
    I dont know if this will help you or not but didnt want to read and run.
    My advice is be honest and open about how you feel, with your hubby, family, midwife etc. Then at least when the babies arrive they'll know how worried you've been and can make sure they do all they can to support you.
  • Thank you ladies for your lovely replies.

    Well, im 12 weeks on Friday and I seem to be getting sicker! Im throwing up 3 or 4 times a day and have lost quite a bit of weight which worried me but it does remind me that my babies are likely to be ok in there!

    I feel I have bonded to them over the last week. Dont get me wrong, im still struggling with the shock and the worried I wrote in my first post are still there but I feel that life has a habit of throwing these things at me and nothing else has ever been easy for myself or my husband so why should having a family be any different (lol!) We always cope (and believe me, sometimes it really hasnt been easy!) so again, why should this be any different!

    Peoples reactions have started to make me giggle, rather than worry me. This was a big problem I had at the beginning. When you tell someone their reaction follows along the lines of 'Thats fantastic news, congratulations (but im glad its you and not me!!!)' This has now made me smile rather than worry.

    My best friend is a midwife and she has been great, not covering up the facts but being very positive about things. This has also helped.

    So, in all my ramblings I think what im trying to say here is, while I am still petrified, and im still struggling to get used to the idea, its getting a little easier to see how we are going to do this. (and I cant wait to see them again on Monday!) I already have my first meeting with my consultant (next Thursday) which has also calmed the nerves as I was concerned I would be left with no one to answer my many questions for the first 20 or so weeks but this isnt going to happen.

    Thanx again for all the lovely replies, and for not beating me down for being honest - you really are angels! xxx
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