TTC with PCOS While Step-Mumming
I'm new here but looking for some support.
I'm really struggling, I'm 28 this year but I've already been told by my GP that my hormones and fertility have taken a hit and will likely take another in the very near future.
My family and friends seem to think it's no biggie and I'm met with sympathetic but unhelpful comments like 'just don't think about it!' And 'you'll get there eventually.'
This would surely be difficult to hear for any woman, but I'm also a stepmum. Ttc and being disappointed every month when my period just doesn't show, or does but after a 50 day cycle, hoping for a baby and realising, nope you just didn't ovulate this month... it sucks. But dealing with it while also raising another woman's child can be... kind of crushing to be honest.
I love my SS to the ends of the earth and I'd give my life for him in a millisecond. But I have no say in the way he's raised or schooled or even fed beyond 2 days over the weekend. That said, my SO has been incredible in supporting me in my SM role and puts no pressure on me to conceive. But I find myself carrying around guilt that my SS and SO aren't enough... I just don't know how to work through these feelings. I have days of feeling so bitter and that just isn't like me! I don't want to be like that.
I compare myself to my SS mother, who recently had a second baby and quietly told me she trapped both her children's fathers with 'unplanned' pregnancies, telling them both she was using the contraceptive pill when she never had. This is something I'd never be able to do to my partner, and it made me cringe and so angry when she told me, as if she were proud. It made me angry because here I am unable to have a child with the man I love and she managed it by fluke and with financial gain as her motivation. Still, she has the children I don't.
It's really getting me down. We've only been ttc for 7 months so I know there's time but I'm struggling with the situation as a hold and I feel like I'm broken inside.
Any advice on how to deal with these emotions or stories of similar situations would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much!