Struggling with recent Miscarriage
Hi ladies, not sure if I'm posting this in the right section but I feel like I need some support / and would like to talk to someone who has been through the same thing. I find it quite hard to talk to my partner as I don't want to upset him; but I also would love to have someone to talk to, and support as well, who has physically been through it too.
I was due in March, but had a missed miscarriage. The pregnancy stopped at 6 weeks but I carried until 9 weeks, when the miscarriage happened. This was a traumatic experience for me.
Firstly, we went for a scan at 8 weeks to be told by sonographer that I clearly had my dates wrong, and that I was only 6 weeks. When I couldn't see a little heart beat, she said that all was fine and she was happy with what she saw but that it was too small to detect a heartbeat. This left me completely suspicious but she filled me up with so much false hope I decided to wait till I went for my NHS scan. I youtubed lots of different videos of a 6 week scan and an 8 week scan, where you can see a heartbeat... Part of me knew there was something wrong but I still just waited.
I then experienced some slight cramps and bleeding, which I had throughout the first weeks, but i decided to contact the hospital. They scanned me and gave us the bad news which in my heart I already knew. I was told it would all be a natural process. The next day I started bleeding, and I thought that it was going to be manageable. A few nights later I woke up in so much pain, I could hardly walk. For an hour I felt like I was pushing, and then everything started to pass. I had to go to hospital as I nearly fainted, this was due to a haemorrhage. I had doctors coming in to remove pregnancy tissue whilst I was awake and in a treatment room. This was completely horrendous and I cannot get what I saw or felt out my head. I was told it was one of the worst cases the doctor had seen. After that morning, they took me to get an ultrasound, where i was left to wait with all the expectant mums. It was one of the most horrible situations, to sit there waiting. I was kept in for a few days and given sets of pills to pass the rest of the pregnancy but nothing worked. I then told the doctors they needed to help me, they then performed the surgery. This made me feel slightly better so I could go home and grieve in peace.
I honestly feel so depressed and down about what has happened, as everything has been such a horrible experience. This was my first pregnancy, and I feel it has traumatised me so much that I fear my anxiety from whats happen will impact me if I ever get pregnant again. Its so horrible because I cannot get the situation, what I seen or experienced out my head.
I know I have maybe shared an intimate experience that others may not share, but it is because I need someone who has been through this to talk to as well. I just wanted any of you other ladies who have experienced this to know that if you need someone to talk to or relate to that I am here.
This is much appreciated, and thank you for reading my post.
Replies
Hi Carmel. I'm really sorry that this happened to you.
I've been through missed miscarriage earlier his year and lost twins at 11+4 weeks. I've seen heartbeats of my two angels two weeks earlier. I also had pretty traumatic experience after that, I went straight for D&C and had a haemorrhage in the theatre during the procedure so they decided to leave placenta and some tissues inside and give me methotrexate injections to help me absorb the remains.
First 3 weeks after all this were awful, I couldn't think of anything. Our families knew and they were very supportive. But talking about all of it was really difficult.
Then 5 months after that we started ttc again and I'm almost 11 weeks pregnant now! I felt anxious at the beginning but right now I feel amazing
Pain will ease one day. I'm not just saying that, it's true. Eventually you will remember also good moments of that pregnancy and how happy you were. Take one step at the time. Do something that will take your mind off of it and don't blame yourself. Remember that up to 30% of pregnancies end up in miscarriage, It's not your fault, It's mother nature. The baby didn't develop properly but you have very high chances that it will be different next time
I have been struggling with my miscarriage. I blame myself. I can’t stand the sight of babies. I know it will ease overtime, we have been trying again so I hope to be pregnant again soon.
MissMay, I'm really sorry. Don't blame yourself, there is nothing you could do. You will get pregnant again soon and it will get easier
@ Mag1988
Thank you so much for your message, I'm so sorry you went through this. It is such a hard time and thing for us and our partners to go through. Congratulations on your pregnancy as well!
I'm really hoping that by next month I'll be pregnant again, as the doctors told me I needed at least a month or two to recuperate from it all.
Its lovely to see that you've managed to get yourself to a good place, I really hope thats where I can be in the next few months. xxx
@MissMay
That is exactly how I am feeling too. I love babies so much but when I see them I don't want to see them, and then i feel guilty about that too, on top of everything else. Its a struggle to accept that although nature took its course, I feel like I'm partially to blame as well- even though I didn't actually do anything wrong etc. But as you said, and as Mag1988 said, time will help us heal, its just going to be a long and hard process for us!
Me and my partner are the same, just wanting to get pregnant again soon. I wish you all the best! xxx
And it will happen soon for both of you. I had to wait for so long because of the injections, it didn't really help.
I also didn't like looking at babies etc. When I opened my eyes after D&C my nurse was heavily pregnant and inside I felt angry at her without any reason.
Genetic issues are major cause of miscarriage. There is nothing you could do differently, honestly. Try to use the time you've got to prepare yourself for another pregnancy, eat healthy, take folic acid and other vitamins, maybe have a holiday or a spa day, buy loads of ovulation and pregnancy tests, fertility lubricants etc.
Once you move on to ttc it will get much easier, you'll be calculating ovulation days and waiting for a second line to show. You will never forget what happened to you but you will move on