🚨 Advance warning 🚨 This forum will be closing on 1st May – please see our pinned thread for more information.
Options
Sexual harrassment at work, scared to go back!!!!
Ok Im sorry but this is going to be a long one but Ill try to keep it as short as possible. I just need to get this off my chest and Im hoping you will be able to give me a bit of advice or something lol.
Right from the beginning, for the last 2 years or so I have kept very quiet about a guy from work who is a couple of years older than me. It has all come to a head recently because all of a sudden it started getting worse.
I have a feeling that the reason it has got worse is because we have both been going for a promotion so to speak, there were 2 positions for the same job but one of the requirements is that you have a full uk driving licence, I didnt have one and still dont so although the position is guaranteed mine when I can drive, he got his promotion before me. Which for him was a bit of a power trip, i think.
I have been the victim of sexual harrassment for a while now and I cant say its serious, it could be far worse but its bad enough and im sick of it. It got the point where this guy was saying things like "fancy some sex amy" and pulling my ponytail so that when he was stood behind me while im sitting my head was practically touching his crotch. Also, making hip thrusting movements on me, actually making contact when Im walking past him(this is the one he used the most). There were other silly little things like things he said, stroking my cheek etc. but all the same it was quite intimidating.
I got pulled into the office by the managers one day and asked if there was anything I wanted to tell them about a certain member of staff and this was my chance so it all came out. I found out that someone else had complained and mentioned my name when saying they werent they only one, and Ive been told by manager that there are 2 people that have complained about him but because he made it a joke they didnt want to take it any further and he has been warned about what he says and does many times but to no effect.
Once it all came out, the manager told me that even though I wanted to leave it that she couldnt cos it was too serious and she got intouch with head office who then sent me a letter to have an interview as well as another collegue who is a good friend.
Luckily, because I was so fed up I started to record everything that was said and done and had dates times, witnesses and also exactly to the word what he did and said to me. They photocopied this for evidence.
Now middle of august I became ill and by mid september I was in hospital having my appendix out, which is when I found out I was 2 weeks pregnant through blood tests.
My friend came home and told me that this guy had been seen by head office and we dont know what went on but basically he had been told no more or he looses his job.
I havent been back to work since middle of august because of operation then pregnancy problems (2 threatened miscarriages and now at 10 weeks pregnant ive had missed miscarriage and had a d&c on thursday so have just been getting reports from my friend and she says its hell there.
The problem is his fiancee works there as well and she has been there longer than most people so is good friends with EVERYONE there, she has been writing things on her face book wall about getting revenge on me and about the girl who cried wolf etc. etc.etc. I mean some really nasty and threatening stuff, I printed this out to go to head office but but because she has been clever enough not to put my name on there they cant do anything. She has a profile that cant be viewed unless your her friend, so she purposely searched for me on facebook to invite me to be her friend so I could see what shed typed, it was all for my benefit.
I wondered how they knew it was me cos I was assured it would remain anon, but it turns out that the assistant manager who is good friends with them both has told them and broken my trust and confidentiality.
Of course I havent been there to defend myself so according to my friend they have almost everyone(apart from 2 new people) on their side and everyone hates me and my friend, I know going back to work is just going to blow it all up again and Im going to get some shit for this, but Im not sure how Im going to cope with everything that has happened over the last few weeks. Ive got enough to deal with without having to cope with those a??$eholes as well.
Its pathetic, its like being back at school and waiting for the bullies to kick my head in when I finish and walk out the gates.
I know physically they wont do anything but if the whole work place is on their side and at least one of the managers too them basically im f***ed. I did tell my manager, that one of us would end up leaving over this, either me or him and I really think its going to end up being me, but then Ill be stuffed. In my line of work theres not many jobs going at all espescially not close to me and I love my job so much, I must do or I wouldnt have stuck all the shit this long otherwise.
Im so scared to go back cos I really dont know what Im facing, its going to be awful on top of everything else.
Sorry its so long just time to go back is getting closer and I really need some support, im meant to be back on sunday and really cant take more time off with money etc, but this is going to kill me, Im trying to grieve for my baby but all I can think about is what its going to be like when I go back to work
Anyone got any advice or has anyone been in this position before that can offer me some support or help, I need all I can get at the moment
Amy
xxxx
Right from the beginning, for the last 2 years or so I have kept very quiet about a guy from work who is a couple of years older than me. It has all come to a head recently because all of a sudden it started getting worse.
I have a feeling that the reason it has got worse is because we have both been going for a promotion so to speak, there were 2 positions for the same job but one of the requirements is that you have a full uk driving licence, I didnt have one and still dont so although the position is guaranteed mine when I can drive, he got his promotion before me. Which for him was a bit of a power trip, i think.
I have been the victim of sexual harrassment for a while now and I cant say its serious, it could be far worse but its bad enough and im sick of it. It got the point where this guy was saying things like "fancy some sex amy" and pulling my ponytail so that when he was stood behind me while im sitting my head was practically touching his crotch. Also, making hip thrusting movements on me, actually making contact when Im walking past him(this is the one he used the most). There were other silly little things like things he said, stroking my cheek etc. but all the same it was quite intimidating.
I got pulled into the office by the managers one day and asked if there was anything I wanted to tell them about a certain member of staff and this was my chance so it all came out. I found out that someone else had complained and mentioned my name when saying they werent they only one, and Ive been told by manager that there are 2 people that have complained about him but because he made it a joke they didnt want to take it any further and he has been warned about what he says and does many times but to no effect.
Once it all came out, the manager told me that even though I wanted to leave it that she couldnt cos it was too serious and she got intouch with head office who then sent me a letter to have an interview as well as another collegue who is a good friend.
Luckily, because I was so fed up I started to record everything that was said and done and had dates times, witnesses and also exactly to the word what he did and said to me. They photocopied this for evidence.
Now middle of august I became ill and by mid september I was in hospital having my appendix out, which is when I found out I was 2 weeks pregnant through blood tests.
My friend came home and told me that this guy had been seen by head office and we dont know what went on but basically he had been told no more or he looses his job.
I havent been back to work since middle of august because of operation then pregnancy problems (2 threatened miscarriages and now at 10 weeks pregnant ive had missed miscarriage and had a d&c on thursday so have just been getting reports from my friend and she says its hell there.
The problem is his fiancee works there as well and she has been there longer than most people so is good friends with EVERYONE there, she has been writing things on her face book wall about getting revenge on me and about the girl who cried wolf etc. etc.etc. I mean some really nasty and threatening stuff, I printed this out to go to head office but but because she has been clever enough not to put my name on there they cant do anything. She has a profile that cant be viewed unless your her friend, so she purposely searched for me on facebook to invite me to be her friend so I could see what shed typed, it was all for my benefit.
I wondered how they knew it was me cos I was assured it would remain anon, but it turns out that the assistant manager who is good friends with them both has told them and broken my trust and confidentiality.
Of course I havent been there to defend myself so according to my friend they have almost everyone(apart from 2 new people) on their side and everyone hates me and my friend, I know going back to work is just going to blow it all up again and Im going to get some shit for this, but Im not sure how Im going to cope with everything that has happened over the last few weeks. Ive got enough to deal with without having to cope with those a??$eholes as well.
Its pathetic, its like being back at school and waiting for the bullies to kick my head in when I finish and walk out the gates.
I know physically they wont do anything but if the whole work place is on their side and at least one of the managers too them basically im f***ed. I did tell my manager, that one of us would end up leaving over this, either me or him and I really think its going to end up being me, but then Ill be stuffed. In my line of work theres not many jobs going at all espescially not close to me and I love my job so much, I must do or I wouldnt have stuck all the shit this long otherwise.
Im so scared to go back cos I really dont know what Im facing, its going to be awful on top of everything else.
Sorry its so long just time to go back is getting closer and I really need some support, im meant to be back on sunday and really cant take more time off with money etc, but this is going to kill me, Im trying to grieve for my baby but all I can think about is what its going to be like when I go back to work
Anyone got any advice or has anyone been in this position before that can offer me some support or help, I need all I can get at the moment
Amy
xxxx
0
Replies
take care hun and keep us updated let us know you're ok xxx
You really don't deserve this right now i hope you get some peace soon and time to properly grieve for your loss
((hugs))
love Mez xx
Im going back sunday and will see what its like, im going to record everything that happens, just incase this goes any further.
I refuse to be beaten by this and if I have to I will take it further and do what I need to make these idiots realise that their behaviour is not acceptable, and if the rest want to follow in their footsteps then that is up to them, theyre only causing trouble for themselves if they carry on backing these 2 up.
The managers do know whats being going on with the op for appendix then the pregnancy and the d&c, I have kept them informed all of the way so if they have an ounce of compassion in their bodies they will stop this behaviour in its tracks, otherwise I will not hesistate to take it further, theres only so much one person can take and Im finding it hard to cope with all this at home, never mind at work too.
Its just more stress that I really dont need at the moment
Thanks again
Firstly please let me say how sorry I am for your loss.
Now, on to the harassment problem...do you belong to a Union? If you do then you could ask them for advice on the matter. You can also ask another Union member to sit-in on any meetings you have regarding this matter. If you don't have Union membership then try the CAB (if you're in England). If your bosses are juvenile enough to take sides on such a serious matter then you need independent help and advice.
If you're feeling particularly bitchy and want to play hard-ball then you could look into Contructive Dismissal:
http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Employment/RedundancyAndLeavingYourJob/DG_10026696
The above link describes what is it and whether is applies to your case.
Good luck, whether you decide to stay and fight it out or whether you leave and cut your losses, I wish you all the best.
Liz x
She has really put my mind at ease and apparently wasnt even aware of the email, face book, etc. She hasnt heard anything back from my managers so assumed all was over with. I told her everything including the manager that has meant to have broken my confidentiality and she assured me than NONE of this will be tolerated.
She is going to speak to my manager today and see what has been going on with regards to the repercussions.
She gave me her mobile number so I could ring her and talk at any time even at weekends to talk about things. She was very sympathetic with me as she has also suffered a pregnancy loss before so knows what Im going through without the rest of the crap.
I feel so much better knowing that someone is there for me that I can talk to and is willing to do something about all of this
Thanks for giving me the strength to phone and speak to somebody, I probably wouldnt have done it without your replies
Many thanks ladies
Amy
xxxx
Good Luck in the future!