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rant sorry
my Oh does nothing at all to help me round the house ever. Last night after putting his shirts on to wash and cooking dinner he came in and we argued about my scan date, I've been trying to get a cancellation as i originally had one booked for 7th feb and cause of work have had to delay it a week to 15th feb. This is pretty painful when ive waited so long already, as most of you ladies will understand! He told me just to leave it as it was and we started arguing. He said he didnt want me booking one when he couldn't come (which is ridiculous as i wouldnt do that) and i told him it was easy for him to say - im ten weeks and have hardly had any symptoms and he's not the one waiting to find out if all is ok (well i know he is too, but it really isnt the same). It turned into a normal argument (id asked him to help me cook, and he always instigates a fight if he has to help in any way to get out of it). I told him to grow up, he told me im saying that too much lately (I am, but it feels more important that he does lately - i feel like i have a teenage son rather than a husband). He then said id regret talking to him like that in future, which wasnt a threat it was a promise....etc etc. He would never be violent but he just throws threats like that around; i told him he was only emphasising my point that he should grow up talking to his wife like that.
I didnt think it was particularly unusual for us, we often argue.
He left and didnt come back till after i was asleep so i ate the dinner i cooked us alone. He was in bed beside me when i got up this morning but i got home tonight and he wasnt here. I cooked for us a :roll: nd again ate it alone. At 2045 i caved and phoned him coz just thought how awful id feel if he'd been in an accident. He's at his best mates and was completely monosyllabic on the phone. He'll be home later. Its now half nine and am preparing to wash up and go to bed alone again.
I know i can be dramatic but i just think this is so unfair. I do absolutely everything and when this baby comes along im going to feel like i have two kids. Lots of things were spinning round my head last night like how i could manage as a single parent. We've only been married for six months, how can nothing set him off? Is he overreacting to the smallest thing because really the whole baby thing sounds too much like hard work? This is a baby he wanted to try for, not a mistake. How can i ever trust that when the going gets a whole lot tougher he wont keep runniing out on me.
His wet shirts are still wet in the washer and he doesnt have one for tomorrow. When i last saw him i told him to take them out. Id cleared the rack for him and put them in to wash. I know its petty but i just dont see why he shouldnt come home to find out that i havent dealt with his every whim while he's off having a strop.
I just wish i had a grown man around me instead of a kid and i dont know how im going to cope with him. Last night i had quite a nice evening without him to be absolutely honest but tonight it feels unreal that its lasting this long. How can he do this to me when im pregnant???!!! I feel so vulnerable. :roll:
I didnt think it was particularly unusual for us, we often argue.
He left and didnt come back till after i was asleep so i ate the dinner i cooked us alone. He was in bed beside me when i got up this morning but i got home tonight and he wasnt here. I cooked for us a :roll: nd again ate it alone. At 2045 i caved and phoned him coz just thought how awful id feel if he'd been in an accident. He's at his best mates and was completely monosyllabic on the phone. He'll be home later. Its now half nine and am preparing to wash up and go to bed alone again.
I know i can be dramatic but i just think this is so unfair. I do absolutely everything and when this baby comes along im going to feel like i have two kids. Lots of things were spinning round my head last night like how i could manage as a single parent. We've only been married for six months, how can nothing set him off? Is he overreacting to the smallest thing because really the whole baby thing sounds too much like hard work? This is a baby he wanted to try for, not a mistake. How can i ever trust that when the going gets a whole lot tougher he wont keep runniing out on me.
His wet shirts are still wet in the washer and he doesnt have one for tomorrow. When i last saw him i told him to take them out. Id cleared the rack for him and put them in to wash. I know its petty but i just dont see why he shouldnt come home to find out that i havent dealt with his every whim while he's off having a strop.
I just wish i had a grown man around me instead of a kid and i dont know how im going to cope with him. Last night i had quite a nice evening without him to be absolutely honest but tonight it feels unreal that its lasting this long. How can he do this to me when im pregnant???!!! I feel so vulnerable. :roll:
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I say good on you for not doing his shirts, may be he will begin to appreciate you more. A friend told me the other day that she is doing marriage councelling and that nagging doesnt work with men. (not that I'm saying you nag him) She has been told to ask for help once then just say ok I will do it myself and get up and do it and believe you me it works its like a guilt trip. Apparently if we nag their brains just switch off.
Sorry don't wanna seem like I'm giving out marriage advice or anything just wanted to try and help from experience
HGope your having a better day xx
I come from a slightly different perspective as my husband pretty much does most stuff around the house, he is a lot more domesticated as i've always been more messy and to be honest a bit more lazy around the house as i'd rather be doing other things (wouldn't everyone I know).
He cooks a lot and does most of the washing and ironing.
It's only now i'm pregnant, i'm ashamed to say, that it has dawned on me that i've been very selfish letting my husband run around after me while I do the things I like. Don't get me wrong I do cleaning etc and I organise all our money, savings, bills and stuff but I don't pull my weight around the house as I should.
Ironically, as i'm trying to do more i'm struggling more as I feel dreadful but i'm still doing it, it just takes a bit longer. I won't have my husband doing it all and when i'm on maternity I have to get used to doing the bulk of teh housework while hubby is at work.
What I'm trying to get at is that I am prob a bit like your hubby but the point comes where you're right- you have to grow up and get a grip and your hubby is realsiing that and doesn't like it as his life has been so easy up to now. But better he realises it now that when you have a newborn and you don't have the time or will to argue with him.
I'd sit down with him when you are both calm and say he needs to pull his weight. Perhaps get him to do certain jobs like the washing and ironing. I don't think you're asking too much at all xx
I've been with my husband 8 years, weve been married 18 months.
I didnt think getting married would make much difference but the first year we were married was hell, all we did was argue. We already have two daughters. During my first pregnancy my husbands (BF back then) behaviour was really odd and he behaved quite child like. Its only recently he told me he was quite jealous of my pregnancy, he felt a bit like the baby was an intruder and it wasnt just me and him anymore.
Obviously now he adores both our girls and has done from the moment they were born. This is my third pregnancy and up to now he's dealing alot better with it.
I do most stuff around our house, he works and im a stay at home mum. He has never cooked......well he did once and ive never asked him too again
So we are pretty even on the score of what we do, but we still argue about it!
Hope you get through this and you'll be stronger after. Having a baby puts alot of strain on a relationship, but it really is the most exciting thing in the world!
xx
willowbaby i take no offence at all and am very grateful for any advice. I nag, nag, nag him all day long because i dont know what else to do - you're right, men dont respond to this. But he doesnt respond when i ask either, and when i go ahead and do it he doesnt care, it means he doesnt have to!
This might sound like im very much in denial but i HONESTLY dont feel that this pregnancy has really changed my behaviour. Well, it probably has in terms of it being a massive big deal and a huge life change it it makes you re evaluate everything. But i dont think im ruled by hormones and am getting out of control with anger. I wasnt as upset as i thought id be initially and enjoyed having a bath and having what i wanted on the tv!!
I think this pregnancy is changing his behaviour more than it is mine which he'd never admit. but he'd never run out on me for two days after a small argument normally. It pisses me off!! I do everything, he goes missing as soon as he hears somehting he doesnt like and i have to grow this baby, endure the agony of pushing it out and feed it every 2 hours for god knows how long! (and dont get me wrong, i very much love and want the baby...)
mrsmafiaprincess thanks for your support, your husband sounds like a catch! The girls at work tell me their husbands cook, clean, can't sit still etc and all mine can do is sit and vegetate in front of the tv. He does work 12 hour days but i work shifts full time.
H8newB thanks for your help too. Its interesting what you say about your husband being jealous. My OH is 33 but a complete baby, they never grow up. I think he'll be really overwhelmed to be a dad, he loves his 12 year old nephew to bits and is always taking him out for pizza, cinema, playing playstation with him etc. I just hope he doesnt think this is all fatherhood is. A lot of it is daily grind, messy and hard work. Im sure it will be me thats left with all of that whilst sorting everything out at home and working :roll: dont get me wrong, whilst on mat leave i dont mind doing all the domestic stuff but when i go back to work it will be tough.
I suppose i got so down last night coz i thought if he doesnt ever change then he's just going to be a burden in a difficult time. I just want to be the best mother that i can be and if ill have to do everything for the baby and the house anyway, at least id have one extra to look after and take rubbish from...its an awful thing to say when we've only been married six months i know.
Tonight he came back. I asked him where he was the first night and he said he drove 300 miles. WHY??!! i had a lovely bath and cooked spaghetti bolognaise - his favourite, then watched soaps all night. Think i had the better time! Asked him if he planned to go driving tonight and he was squirming with embarassment. Honestly, what was the point in that.
Sorry your having a rough time at the mo. Your OH sounds like mine. We're not married but have been together for 8 years. My OH is 37, works 12 hour shifts on a 4 on 4 off basis. When he is on his 4 off he does absolutely nothing around the house, he sits in front of the television or plays his PS3 or goes fishing! Although I work from home, I am still working, but I still do all the housework, cook, iron and even in the summer I mow the lawn, do the gardening etc. Saying that he will cook but only if its spag bol (he is half Italian so he makes a mean spag bol!). If I ask him to do something he'll say "yeah i'll do it in a minute" but he never does it and I end up doing it myself! They are so frustrating at times!! I hope it all sorts itself out soon xx
I know plenty of men are like my OH (yours too) and its really no surprise - ive known what he's like for a long time and signed up for it really. I think maybe its because im not really very domesticated at heart and am quite messy. But because im the only one who bothers im always fighting a loosing battle, and i hate doing it. I wish i loved cleaning etc as i know some women do but i dont! I hate it and the house never looks how i want it to effortlessly look! I tend to stuff things out of sight so it surfacely looks ok but open a drawer or cupboard and the chaos spills out. haha.
i think if he did the things i couldnt do i could cope with cleaning etc. We borrowed some money from my dad to buy a house with the sort-of agreement we'd extend (OH has lots of skills and lots of contacts to do this). But my OH is so lazy i can see he won't be bothered with it and im so embarassed we borrowed moneY on this proviso. Im powerless as i have no clue about building work and feel so angry with him for being so lazy. It just all feels so disrespectful.
Anyway....just whinging away. In the end we all put up and shut up dont we. I know im lucky to be having a baby and love this little fella more than anything. I want a nice home and a loving respectful relationship for him.
Let me know how you're doing hun, it's good to hear from you x
Its a bit different for me because me and my OH dont live together so dont have the domestic stuff to deal with! However he just doesnt seem to understand how hard it is! I was sick the other day and he said its your own fault for eating junk food (im ff choccy and i think id had a packet of crisps =/) Nothing to do with the hormones of pregnancy or anything!
He wants me to stay at his late and then drive home but i cant when im finished work im exhausted (im a carer so work long days) he never thinks to come and see me or een text to see if im ok! He works yeah but so do i! He has a single bed and expects me to sleep at his it was fine before but mnow im pregnant i struggler to get comfy in my single bed on my own i dont need another person in there with me!
He picks on anything i say amnd he ALWAYS HAS TO BE RIGHT like a 4 year old!
Does my head in!!
Anyway im stopping there or ill have a rant of my own! I do sometimes wonder if id be better on my own he was completely unemotional at the scan i tried to hold his hand and he completely BLANKED me my mum was there thank god and she held ma hand so i didnt look like an idiot!
Never mind maybe they'll grow up as we go through the pregnancy!
xxx
Hope things are better with you, not long now til your 12 week scan and I'm sure everything will be fine with your bubba. Take care hun and look after yourself xx
fantastic news that everything had passed on the scan and your body is geared up to ovulate again. It must be the hardest thing in the world to believe everything will now be ok but the amount of women who miscarry their first pregnancy is staggering. The vast majority never have any other problems and have several healthy babies after.
Easy for me to say i know, but keeping everything crossed for you this time. Can't wait to hear news of your BFP.
I think (as cold as this probably sounds) through working with pregnant women i know that i have no control over what happens at the scan. I'd be upset if things didn't go the right way (obviously) but i hope i could be pragmatic too - we got pregnant fairly quickly before, we can do it again, and it usually means a pregnancy that isnt meant to be for a good reason. It would be a huge disappointment though. Never imagined past the BFP to the difficult and stressful twelve week wait!!
anyway hun, hopefully we'll both have healthy bubbas soon. Please stay in touch xx