TWW - too scared to test

Hi, I am now 10dp5dt on a frozen cycle. This is my fourth transfer. The first resulted in a pregnancy but I had a missed miscarriage which was picked up a my 12 week scan, for which I was given medical management (I had excellent care in hospital, but it was a bit traumatic). I then had two failed transfers in fairly quick succession, one I knew had failed pretty early and the other I started bleeding day 9 or 10. I am nearing the end of my two week wait and I think maybe this one has worked but I am too scared to test. I can’t afford anymore ivf or face another miscarriage. This is such a long way from my experience in my first cycle when I was full of optimism. Has anyone else found ivf increasingly difficult to cope with?