It's official I am a b1tch

justttc · Jul 19, 2010 2:57PM

Hubs went off on a stag do on Thursday and came back today. When he booked it I wasn't sure what was happening with our investigationns and I was apprehensive because the lads who he was going with can be dicks at times and I was worried what tricks they would get up to. If I had known what we were in for I would have point blank asked him not to go.

Anyways we are just starting on the ivf and have our nurses consultaion next week. For the past 2 weeks I have been very emotional. I can honestly say this is the worst time I have had in a long time to the point I told hubs I didn't want him to leave me to go away. Anyway hubs went. He paid a lot of money and couldn't afford to lose it, well he could have afforded to actually bu didn't want to and to be honest I don't know that he wouldn't have gone anyway even if money wasn't involved. He doesn't seem to see how hard it is for me at moment. So anyway I wave him off and I have had an ok weekend except when he has called me I have felt so angry at him for been away from me and been off enjoying himself while I am athome with it all hung over my head. So needless to say a couple of the phone calls were tense and didn't end very well. He came home this today and I have just been awful to him. I can't believe how angry I am. I barely had a civil word to say and once again I'm crying while he's fast asleep. I haven't even thanked him for the parfume he brought me from duty free.

I think I have figured out why I didn't want him to go in the first place, I am scared that he might meet someone else who can have kids and also if isn't helping that my ex went away on a stag do, met someone else and came back and ended it with me (after been together nearly 9 years) I have to get a grip but I don't know how. It hasn't helped that he's said some pretty shifty things to me tonight in retaliation.

[Modified by: justttc on 18 July 2010 23:20:32 ]

LoriMum2two · Jul 19, 2010 2:25AM

Tons and tons of (((hugs)))

You are certainly NOT a bitch! Of course you didn't want him to leave you when your going through IVF!!! And of course, I'm sure he didn't want to miss out, but to be perfectly honest, he should have stayed home with you. Men though, are a different species and would be totally dumbfounded as to why lol. Note - I am at the stimulation stage at the moment also, so can totally sympathise. If my hubby went off on a stag do at the moment I would probably change the locks!

MOST IMPORTANTLY, of course its natural that you worry about not being able to give him a child, but dont let bad experiences make you feel insecure abou this relationship. You are both trying a very difficult procedure od emotional run high. By the sounds of it you have both said some things you regret, just try and talk to him and explain how you are feeling, both about your insecurities and the side effects.

Dont forget, men are from a different planet and probably doesn't realise he has done anything wrong and its all down to your hormones - which on our planet is total s**t lol. From an outside perspective, he shouldn't have gone, but doesn't sound like he did it to be mean, and its ended with an argument, quite rightly.

I hope he is in a better mood this morning - he was probably hungover, still feeling slightly drunk last night? You take some 'me' time, and let us know if your ok later on.

Lorraine xxx

KS9 · Jul 19, 2010 10:32AM

In my opinion the IVF process is very intense and it is important for both partners in the couple to have some away time from it. Every person deals with things differently. We have been going through this for nearly 19 months now and I can clearly say that at times I would love to just disappear from it all for a few days. I love my wife to bits and regardless of anything we have been through, that will never change. But remember the guys are in this as well and it is a process where you need to remain calm and happy and if you accept that he too needs some space at times then both of you will be happier.

I hope this helps and would also say that try hard not to allow bad experiences from previous relationships cloud your current relationship.

justttc · Jul 19, 2010 2:32PM

Hi thanks for the replies.
Things are better today. I am trying not to think about him leaving mr when I needed him as it's still making my blood boil. I have said thanks for my duty free goodies.
Ks9 it is good to heat from a mans point of view and to be fair we both do go away regular with our mates and have logs of nights out seperate too. I think that it's important to have interest and friends outside our marriage. I think the main thing at the moment is that I am feeling very insecure and while hubs has rang me while away there wasn't much quality to the conversation and I felt he was avoiding me. Not what i need at the moment. I do try not to go on past experiences with my ex but i think I'm feeling very insecure and needy at the moment.

LoriMum2two · Jul 19, 2010 2:57PM

Pleased things are better. i do also agree that couples need their own 'me' time, own interests etc, but if my hubby went away quite to that degree during this very sensitive time, i would be fuming. Although history would probably never repeat itself, you are still entitled to those bad experiences and the feeling you still have underneath. During IVF hormones are so bizarre - a womens hormones can be a challenge at the best of times, so being aware of this is vital. I am not undermining the mans stress through this.

Look after yourself, try to push away the negatives and do something simple and romantic together, even just a pile of strawberries and cream whilst watching a DVD? As bad as he acted, he didn't mean to hurt you and whats done is done, for your relationship and the IVF, try to seal that bond you have again. ((hugs)) xxx

It's official I am a b1tch

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