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is he upto no good?? need advice
hi ladies,
this is not relating to TTC but need some serious help please,
ok thisi s long story
on our honey moon (17th june to 2nd july) i found 3 texts on my husbands phone to a guy called 'matt' saying 'id really like to do that' 'i think your really sexy' 'id love to fuck you' i asked him about this and he said it was joke to one of his mates from football. i let it go thinking it just a joke. this guy never text stu first and didnt reply to my knowledge.
then last thursday i was texting on his phone to his dad, and i came across a message he sent to this matt again, saying 'hi sexy i really wanna fuck you good' he sent this at 4.10pm my family were with us from 2.30 till 7.30 so he did it whilst they were here. anyway i was suspicious as he had not received any message before hand, so i text the number on my phone saying hi who is tihs please, i found this number on my husbands phnoe and i wondered who you were?.
i got a reply saying 'my name is donna, i didnt know he had my number' he wnet to college with her2
i asked him about it and he fobbed me off saying ' i did not know it was her, its matts number'
so i walked out on him, an hour later he text me saying come bk we wil lchat, so i did, i let him talk, but he didnt say anythnig he jsut sat on the end of the bed. i told ihm i needed a shower then we wnet to his mums, i didnt say anythnig all night. he didnt to me
when we got home i sobbed then he asked me what was wrong!!! LIKE HE DIDNT KNOW!!!
so i told him, he said the number was for matt and he was texting as a joke. but i dont understand, i text donna back when i had walked out and asked her how long she had the number she said 'for over a yr stu had my number all along'i told him this and he said it was matts number, i told him she had it for over a yr so cant be. i asked him y he woulsd send messages like that when matt had not text first or replied as far as i know.
and he said shrugged his shoulders!! i told him if i saw anything like i gain i was leaving he said ok
but i can not get it off my mind , its really bothering me. it does not make any sense at all. y send messages like that to a guy??? even if a joke???i dont mind ihm tlaking to female friends but messages like that is too far!!!
any thoughts would be great, thnks
mrs elbrow
this is not relating to TTC but need some serious help please,
ok thisi s long story
on our honey moon (17th june to 2nd july) i found 3 texts on my husbands phone to a guy called 'matt' saying 'id really like to do that' 'i think your really sexy' 'id love to fuck you' i asked him about this and he said it was joke to one of his mates from football. i let it go thinking it just a joke. this guy never text stu first and didnt reply to my knowledge.
then last thursday i was texting on his phone to his dad, and i came across a message he sent to this matt again, saying 'hi sexy i really wanna fuck you good' he sent this at 4.10pm my family were with us from 2.30 till 7.30 so he did it whilst they were here. anyway i was suspicious as he had not received any message before hand, so i text the number on my phone saying hi who is tihs please, i found this number on my husbands phnoe and i wondered who you were?.
i got a reply saying 'my name is donna, i didnt know he had my number' he wnet to college with her2
i asked him about it and he fobbed me off saying ' i did not know it was her, its matts number'
so i walked out on him, an hour later he text me saying come bk we wil lchat, so i did, i let him talk, but he didnt say anythnig he jsut sat on the end of the bed. i told ihm i needed a shower then we wnet to his mums, i didnt say anythnig all night. he didnt to me
when we got home i sobbed then he asked me what was wrong!!! LIKE HE DIDNT KNOW!!!
so i told him, he said the number was for matt and he was texting as a joke. but i dont understand, i text donna back when i had walked out and asked her how long she had the number she said 'for over a yr stu had my number all along'i told him this and he said it was matts number, i told him she had it for over a yr so cant be. i asked him y he woulsd send messages like that when matt had not text first or replied as far as i know.
and he said shrugged his shoulders!! i told him if i saw anything like i gain i was leaving he said ok
but i can not get it off my mind , its really bothering me. it does not make any sense at all. y send messages like that to a guy??? even if a joke???i dont mind ihm tlaking to female friends but messages like that is too far!!!
any thoughts would be great, thnks
mrs elbrow
0
Replies
i'm surprised you stayed so calm and just text her. i'd have lost the plot completely.
i used my hubby's phone once (he used to have 2 at the time) when mine broke and found a text from a girl, not saying the same kind of thing but all of her texts had like a millions kisses on the end. he said it was a girl he worked with and she always did it. now i know i usually put one kiss on my texts but only to close friends not people i work with. so i went mental. i never did get to the bottom of it but even though it was about 6 years ago i still have doubts and wish i'd found out who she was. i even remember her name.
i'd ring the number whilst he's there, if shes texting you back then i think she'd speak to you and see wot she says and let him try and explain it.
it doesn't sound like shes got anything to hide otherwise she'd probably freak out and either not reply or come up with excused.
i know this doesn't sound like a good idea or might be not want you want to hear but its what i'd do and at least you'd get to the bottom of it. even if it does mean finding out something you don't want to know. if it is matt's phone then why would he pretend to be called donna. i know blokes mess around winding each other up but thats going a bit to far. especially to do it again after it upset you first time round.
i hope everything works out and that it is a wind up hun x
she didnt not reply at all
xx
to be honest although that was years ago - I still read his messages now - he knows though!!
I think I would have reacted just as you did - it definately seems odd to me especially if he says the number is his friends when it obviously isn't I would do as Tasha says and have it out with him and her if needs be...the more you think about it (if you're like me!) the more it will upset and annoy you....
hopefully it will all be innocent so have my fingers crossed for you both xxx
i'm very insecure anyway due to past relationships but this would eat me
up so i know how you feel. i completely understand why you can't stop thinking about it.
sit down and talk to your hubby again tell him how much this is hurting you, tell him you''ve rang and actually spoke to her and its definately a woman and see wot his response is. the good news is that she is not replying.
it might be just a case of he's been stupid in texting her but nothings happened. in which case you confronting him might make him realise how even just texting her could put your relationship in jepardy and put a stop to it. sorry i know i'm not much help am i.
xxx
i always read his texts too, not your hubby bon, mine, lol.
he knows i do this. i do trust him, i don't think he'd dare cheat now hes seen the wrath of tasha. lol.
we often use each others phone so theres nothing hidden between us anymore. even emails and everything the passwords are saved so we could get into each others anytime if we wanted.
failing the advice given kick him in the nuts and tell him you'll chop it off if you find out hes messing around or sending texts like that again.
ohhh thats my evil side coming out. lol.
This is awful for you - i don't know what to say, but i think you can be confident that it is just texts going on.......... Why don't you ring her number from another phone and try to speak to her and explain what you think may be going on......if she's completely genuine then she'll be honest with you.
My ex-husband sent me a text once by mistake, intended for another woman, with a very sexy good morning message - sadly i couldn't ever trust him again but that was just our relationship, but you know your husband so you need to have it out with him.....best of luck - really feel for you
XXXXXXXXXXXX
so we agreed to leave it on that one cos we cant go any further with it. he told me he will stop the humour jokes that sound or contain anything sexual. i am happy with that.
we agreed to talk more and he agreed to be less secretive. he genuinly seemed upset to learn that since thursday i havent thought about anything else, he tohught i was quiet due to worry about ivf.
so to conclude we have agreed to forget it, and it will NOT happen anymore!!! if it does im gone. he clearly understands.
so we hugged and did bit of make up BDing haha tmi sorry.
thank you to everyone who posted bk to me
mr and mrs elbrow
xxx
he doesn't know how lucky he is to have you or maybe he does or should now and now you've spoken to him i hope he cherishes what he has with you. i for one would have been like a bull in a china shop. lol.
and you even got a bit of bd out of it. lol.
i think you've been really understanding and gave him clear indication of what will happen if anything like this happens again and i think that'll be the end of it now. i'm so pleased you spoke it through with him
Glad it's sorted. Boys can be thoughtless twats can't they!
look after yourself.
rach x
I would go absolutely apeshit if I found anything like that in my husband's phone. I would never ever be able to trust him or respect him again, never mind try to make a baby with him.
I agree with Rach46 that "boys can be thoughtless twats" but this isn't thoughtless - he knew exactly what he was doing. He was as good as cheating on you, as well as lying to you, and he doesn't even seem sorry - in fact he seems surprised that you're bothered.
I say all this out of concern and not spite - if you were a friend of mine I'd be telling you to get the hell out of there. You need all the emotional support you can get if you're about to embark on IVF, not this kind of crap. Please be careful and look after yourself.
I speak from past personal experience of almost the same thing - I don't want to go into it but I found texts, oh denied everything, I ended up apologising to him (!!!) and then found more texts. He lied again, I left him and eventually we got together and hammered things out. I have to say it's taken us a long time and I never thought I'd be one of those people who would take back someone who cheated (it didn't go past texts with my oh - I know that from someone else, but in my books that's still cheating).
Anyway, I've waffled off the point a bit - my point is that my oh lied to me because he panicked and was scared about getting found out - and he wasn't ready to let go of the ego-trip he was getting from this other girl. I think you're oh is lying to you, possibly because he's scared of what you will do if he tells the truth. I think deep down you know that his excuse is ridiculous but, if you're feeling anything like I felt at the time, the alternative hurts so badly you really want to believe him.
Sorry if I've been too direct in this e-mail but my heart really hurt for you when I read your post. If it helps, just before I left my oh for a bit I wrote everything down in a letter and left it for him to read. I'm not saying you have to leave but if you wrote things down (like you have in your post) he might realise how ridiculous his excuses seem in black and white.
I'm really hoping things work out for you. Even if he has been texting someone else you can work things out (despite what others might say) as long as you can start believing that he is truly being open and honest with you, but he has to stop with the ridiculous excuses now.
Big hugs
xxx
[Modified by: WEEGIE on August 27, 2008 04:43 PM]
[Modified by: WEEGIE on August 27, 2008 04:45 PM]
[Modified by: WEEGIE on August 27, 2008 04:48 PM]
thank you for all your meaasages it was interesting ot see different reactions, you re right it will take time to build the trust again but im a firm believer that you can work through anything, he knows his chance is last one. so he understands, if it happens again im gone he is clear on that.
so now we work on keeping the trust and making it stronger again.
but im going leanent on him, he knows im suspiticous and hes been more than open since the excapade, ie hes letting me read his texts, i can pick up his phone any time to check unexpected messages. and hes fine with that so i think hes well and truly got the message!!!!!
keep him on his toes i say lol, u know when u love someone you work through it no matter how bad and if i t cant work then u leave.
but thank you to everyone who replied its been amazingly helpful .
bby dust to you all
mrs elbrow
xx
p.s AF found
me this morning so suppose id better have my blood test done tommorrow, aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh shit lol.
And sorry af found you.