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Possible Impotence/Delayed Ejaculation
Hi Ladies
We havent been trying for over one year so please apologise if I offend anyone for coming on this site. However we have had the problem for 6 years, been trying since My husband and I wed in June 09, he has always suffered from a form of ED but as I loved him so much and it wasnt all the time I tried not to worry about it.
Since our wedding my husband has only ejaculated twice, he can get an erection but cannot maintain it, sometimes he trys to penetrate me when he isnt even hard.
I came off the pill in October and since then we have not had proper penetrative sex. We started councelling 5 weeks ago, but still no improvement. I feel so ill and upset with it all. To make matters worse my sister in law has just announced that she is 12 weeks pregnant. I feel like everyone around me is pregnant colleagues at work friends family etc. I have no one to talk to other than husband and the counsillor. We live in North West can anyone offer any advise on specialists that we could visit, he wont consider hypnotherapy but we need to do something. I feel so ill and miserable, I just dont know what to do. My only wish is that we looked into this years ago rather than letting the problem persist and now when we really would love a baby we have all this to deal with. What should I do?
We have booked ourselves in at a private clinic for a MOT test near us to make sure everything is in working order
FEMALE TESTS
Anti-Mullerian Hormone (provides a good estimate of the number of eggs in the ovary)
Urine sample for Chlamydia
Rubella (checking immunity against German measles)
Transvaginal ultrasound scan of your womb and ovaries.
MALE TESTS
Semen analysis
Urine sample for Chlamydia
I dont think anything will be wrong with me but going along for re-assurance and as support for husband. Not sure how he will produce his sample. The last time he ejaculated was a few days in to our honeymoon in August 09, nothing since. Over the weekend we tried having not penetrative sex. I do feel sorry for him as he has such a high sex drive too and constantly wants sex. I tried the suggestion from the Dr at the clinic where he wouldnt penetrate me, anyway still had no luck. It was so dissapointing. My periods are regular and I am now ovulating and he cant ejaculate, so dissappointing. He is going to boots on Thursday to meet with a lady Dr have a chat and check up and they will give him viagra. Im hoping that will work but it seems to be more of a mental thing so not sure if a pill will help. We have counselling once a week and have done since the beginning of Jan 2010. Im not sure what else can be done, we so desperately want a baby but even before we were trying for a baby he had this problem he has had this ever since i have known him and only got worse as years got on. Not stopped crying in weeks. No one to talk to about it. His sister is pregnant and has been excitedly telling me all about scan which just makes me feel worse. Im only 24 this isnt supposed to be happening, im fit and healthy and doing everything right, what more can i do?
Have any of you ladies on here struggling to conceive due to the male side and not the female? Pls help feel so down
We havent been trying for over one year so please apologise if I offend anyone for coming on this site. However we have had the problem for 6 years, been trying since My husband and I wed in June 09, he has always suffered from a form of ED but as I loved him so much and it wasnt all the time I tried not to worry about it.
Since our wedding my husband has only ejaculated twice, he can get an erection but cannot maintain it, sometimes he trys to penetrate me when he isnt even hard.
I came off the pill in October and since then we have not had proper penetrative sex. We started councelling 5 weeks ago, but still no improvement. I feel so ill and upset with it all. To make matters worse my sister in law has just announced that she is 12 weeks pregnant. I feel like everyone around me is pregnant colleagues at work friends family etc. I have no one to talk to other than husband and the counsillor. We live in North West can anyone offer any advise on specialists that we could visit, he wont consider hypnotherapy but we need to do something. I feel so ill and miserable, I just dont know what to do. My only wish is that we looked into this years ago rather than letting the problem persist and now when we really would love a baby we have all this to deal with. What should I do?
We have booked ourselves in at a private clinic for a MOT test near us to make sure everything is in working order
FEMALE TESTS
Anti-Mullerian Hormone (provides a good estimate of the number of eggs in the ovary)
Urine sample for Chlamydia
Rubella (checking immunity against German measles)
Transvaginal ultrasound scan of your womb and ovaries.
MALE TESTS
Semen analysis
Urine sample for Chlamydia
I dont think anything will be wrong with me but going along for re-assurance and as support for husband. Not sure how he will produce his sample. The last time he ejaculated was a few days in to our honeymoon in August 09, nothing since. Over the weekend we tried having not penetrative sex. I do feel sorry for him as he has such a high sex drive too and constantly wants sex. I tried the suggestion from the Dr at the clinic where he wouldnt penetrate me, anyway still had no luck. It was so dissapointing. My periods are regular and I am now ovulating and he cant ejaculate, so dissappointing. He is going to boots on Thursday to meet with a lady Dr have a chat and check up and they will give him viagra. Im hoping that will work but it seems to be more of a mental thing so not sure if a pill will help. We have counselling once a week and have done since the beginning of Jan 2010. Im not sure what else can be done, we so desperately want a baby but even before we were trying for a baby he had this problem he has had this ever since i have known him and only got worse as years got on. Not stopped crying in weeks. No one to talk to about it. His sister is pregnant and has been excitedly telling me all about scan which just makes me feel worse. Im only 24 this isnt supposed to be happening, im fit and healthy and doing everything right, what more can i do?
Have any of you ladies on here struggling to conceive due to the male side and not the female? Pls help feel so down
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Replies
H.xxx
I'm not LTTC either, so crashing from TTC, but saw this and wanted to reply. This sounds very difficult for you, but I think you might be surprised by what a difference viagra can make. My ex-DP had to use viagra and his issues were definitely mental. However, all was well when he took the viagra and he got his girlf pg.
I know this might sound unhelpful, but you are so young you have loads of time to sort it all out once he is taking viagra. Please try not to worry too much - have faith it will come right.
All the best.
Bxxx
Husband had an appt last night at 4pm with a Boots to get viagra I was hoping that him seeing the boots person would help things! but it didn't. He found the boots man to be unhelpful and uninterested. We have the MOT clinic on Monday, im just so at a loss with it.
From what I have read not much research has been done into it and only a small percentage of population have his condition (although not diagnosed!) i believe it is Retarded Ejaculation it basically means he cant cum or finds it difficult too. Sometimes sex can go on for ages before we finally just give up cos im too tired or sore. He has had this ever since I have known him. Its very frustrating for him but when we werent trying for a baby we tried not to think about it. The last time he actually came was on our honeymoon He said it was cos he was so relaxed and his condition is all down to anxiety and stuff.
We both didnt half cry last night, I was so mad becuase he woultnt try the tablet (viagra from boots) He was frightened too because had no faith in the Boots man. We were throwing things around, screaming everything it was so upsetting. I felt so low and so alone.
We arent trying now till after the clinic on Monday. He has to produce a sample and I really dont know how he will.
Their is an operation where they cut the mans testicles open remove the sperm then inject it inside me. But thats obviously the extreme, were trying to avoid that.
It took me years to get over the fact that its not to do with me and he does fancy me. Its so hard for him though because he has a very high sex drive too, so its very frustrating.
Heres the communication I sent to the clinic today - Im disgusted, we had a huge row, both were in tears last night didnt get to bed since past 1am!! - what am I going to do ?
"Further to our recent correspondence my husband visited the clinic last night 4pm to see Sally. Unfortuantely although the appointment was booked with Sally she was not working that day and my husband met with Chris.
Although I was not at the appointment with my husband I was disgusted to hear how my husband was treated.
Chris was uninterested, uniformative and unprofessional towards my husband. My husband felt that he was not provided with adequate information regarding the drug which he was prescribed. He left the store feeling disheartened, upset and frightened to take the prescpription which he had been given.
I was particularly hurt when he returned home to tell me this and felt considerably let down by Boots. I also felt the need to email you regarding this individuals poor attitude and aparant commitment to his work and responsibilities to the public."
I think your OH sounds great, i know many men would ignore the issuse so the fact he is attending counselling and clinics is very promising.
I havent been in your exact situation, but last year after a year of fertility probs my OH developed impotence. It was the worst time ever, i was frustrated to be on fertility drugs and each month it was awful. He felt so bad and putting pressure on himself to perform, and that just made it 100 times worse. Eventually not one thing really changed the situation. I become much less baby obsessed (outwardly!) I acted as if i wasnt bothered about havng sex either way, and i stopped saying " Im ovulating!!" The other thing was we were refferred for IVF and that seemed to make him chill out even more as if we had a fall back plan. Evenutally things got better and we did manage to conceieve.
I know its not the same, so i really hope that the medication works, if not, would anything help him produce a sample himself? If he can get to the point were he can produce a sample then you could look in to IUI, the stats arent great but atleast it would ensure Spermies in the right place at the right time!
Good Luck
Gem x
We had our MOT appt yesterday and he produced a sample! I was thrilled after 3/4 hr waiting I was thinking to myself he isnt going to do it but he did!
My internal exam came up all clear and now just waiting on blood and urine results, so fingers crossed all ok with me. and his swimmers come up trumps hopefully!!!
We go on holiday next week and I just hope we get the results before if we know their is nothing wrong with us then all we have to do is keep having sex and hopefully it will happen. Carrying on with the councelling also.
He hasnt taken any of his tablets yet, been really busy with work before our hols but im going to encourage him to try before we go away, then we can get a repeat prescription for whilst on the holiday and who knows!
x
Havent tried any sex since last week, maybe try again this week would anyone offer any other advise? xx
Have just been reading through your thread.
Im really sorry that you & hubby are going through this. Your email to Boots is good & I hope they follow up on it cause it's not fair that he should be treated so badly when this a real problem & not something to be taken lightly.
Glad hubby managed to do a sample & I hope that everything comes back clear.
How is the counselling going? Do they feel that they are making any progress?
Hugs xxx
I remember once my hubby had trouble giving a sample, he managed to do it, but it was in a grotty hosptial toilet, and there was a nurses station just outside the door and he could hear them all nattering and laughing away, then a tea lady turned up with a trolley and parked it outside the door and started rabbiting on about something, and there was a well worn copy of 1980's razzle in the corner! Ergh. All in all he said it was horrific and he practically had to 'milk it out'. Sorry i can laugh now, but it was no surprise that his sample came back abnormal in all counts.. we were told we needed Icsi, yet 3 months later with a sample produced at home (with some help from yours truely) put him back in the normal categorys!
There have also been ladies in this forum who have been told abnormal count and then conceived the same month!.
I really hope a relaxing holiday helps things with you. I do think holding out is a good idea and helps get them in the mood when the time comes, although try to ensure he does the doo at least 5 days before you want to have baby making sex as sperm quality will start to deteriate if left longer than his. Also people differ but my consult was very clear that every other day is fine, esp if hubbie is feeling under pressure.
Good luck, i hope all goes well for you.
Gem x
I remember once my hubby had trouble giving a sample, he managed to do it, but it was in a grotty hosptial toilet, and there was a nurses station just outside the door and he could hear them all nattering and laughing away, then a tea lady turned up with a trolley and parked it outside the door and started rabbiting on about something, and there was a well worn copy of 1980's razzle in the corner! Ergh. All in all he said it was horrific and he practically had to 'milk it out'. Sorry i can laugh now, but it was no surprise that his sample came back abnormal in all counts.. we were told we needed Icsi, yet 3 months later with a sample produced at home (with some help from yours truely) put him back in the normal categorys!
There have also been ladies in this forum who have been told abnormal count and then conceived the same month!.
I really hope a relaxing holiday helps things with you. I do think holding out is a good idea and helps get them in the mood when the time comes, although try to ensure he does the doo at least 5 days before you want to have baby making sex as sperm quality will start to deteriate if left longer than his. Also people differ but my consult was very clear that every other day is fine, esp if hubbie is feeling under pressure.
Good luck, i hope all goes well for you.
Gem x
I also read a thread re pre-seed so ive bought some so hopefully if he does the deed that will help heaps too! x
Our MOT came back clear! I had 23 eggs (apparently 15 is good) ovulating regularly etc, and my husbands sperm count was great, was extremely high and healthy
Now i just have to figure out how to get this anxiety problem of his over with so he can ejaculate in me, any ideas? xxx