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In a dark place
I hope you won't mind me giving in to a bit of self pity today but I just feel so low about TTC at the moment and feel like it is literally never going to happen for me ![:\](https://forum.madeformums.com/resources/emoji/confused.png ":\")
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I am 26, husband is 33 and we are just 6 months married. We are undergoing a fertility assessment as I had treatment for cervical cancer last year (now all clear).
I feel stupid for being upset as we have 'only' been trying fo 9 months, although complications from my cancer treatment make me feel like there's no hope at all. It left me with a scarred-closed cervix (which was reopened under GA in March), and a lack of CM.
We are trying to do everything to increase our chances, we use Preseed for the lack of CM and I use an OV monitor to predict when I am going to ovulate every month and we do it at the right time. We are both very healthy and fit, don't smoke and do exercise. I have just found out that I have Poly Cystic Ovaries, although I don't have any of the symptoms (weight gain etc) and I think that I ovulate every month.
Our second appointment to see the fertility consultant is on the 22nd June and we will get the results of Hubby's SA and my blood results. I am terrified in case there is more bad news.
I know everyone says 'relax' and I know that I am not relaxed but I can't help it - I feel a physical pain in my stomach each month that goes by.
I am so sorry for the rant, I am normally such a happy, cheerful person (honest), but feel at such a low ebb. I hope I start feeling better soon?
(I am 26, husband is 33 and we are just 6 months married. We are undergoing a fertility assessment as I had treatment for cervical cancer last year (now all clear).
I feel stupid for being upset as we have 'only' been trying fo 9 months, although complications from my cancer treatment make me feel like there's no hope at all. It left me with a scarred-closed cervix (which was reopened under GA in March), and a lack of CM.
We are trying to do everything to increase our chances, we use Preseed for the lack of CM and I use an OV monitor to predict when I am going to ovulate every month and we do it at the right time. We are both very healthy and fit, don't smoke and do exercise. I have just found out that I have Poly Cystic Ovaries, although I don't have any of the symptoms (weight gain etc) and I think that I ovulate every month.
Our second appointment to see the fertility consultant is on the 22nd June and we will get the results of Hubby's SA and my blood results. I am terrified in case there is more bad news.
I know everyone says 'relax' and I know that I am not relaxed but I can't help it - I feel a physical pain in my stomach each month that goes by.
I am so sorry for the rant, I am normally such a happy, cheerful person (honest), but feel at such a low ebb. I hope I start feeling better soon
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Replies
(Im gatecrashing from PAI) sorry to hear your feeling low. I can imagine that after 9 months you are anxiously worrying about why things aren't happening, but a year is very often average, my sis and hubby who have no fertility issues took a year, and there was no clear reason for it. Also many people take longer, but like people to think they 'fell' within a few months.
I know it might not be much help now, but please do pop over to Pregnancy after infertility for a positive boost. All of us have been there, and never thought we would see a BFP, but there are so many of us now, so it can happen! (It is just a long, hard, frustrating journey) but please dont give up, you will get here one day when you are least expecting it!
Good Luck.
Gemma.
(currently 24 weeks pregnant)
PCOS, and 1 ectopic pregnancy : (
Sorry to hear you're feeling so sad - I posted a really similar post to you yesterday - just feel so low and depressed at the moment, and like you, I'm normally such a positive person who is picking other people up and out of their sadness - but I'm struggling to take my own good advice!
Dont feel stupid for being upset - 9 months is a long time - every single month that goes by is horrible. And you've been through so much as well, so please try not beat yourself up.
I'm 27 and hubbby is 34 and I've also being diagnosed with PCOS (back in Oct) I have just finished a course of Provera as I have really irregular AF so hoping she'll appear soon so I can start Clomid.
I hope your appointment goes well, as hard as it is right now, please try not to think the worse. It's a postive step forward.
I'm not going to tell you to just "relax" as I know it's sometimes the last thing you want to hear and I'd feel abit like "the pot and kettle" and that's what everyone is telling me to do and I'm just not in a place to listen at the minute. But what I can say is that you're not alone hun, this website includes lots of people in a similar situation and I've recently learnt that it really can help to get things off your chest to people that understand what you're going through.
Giving you a virtual hug!
Sounds like you've reached that in limbo stage where you want answers and have to wait.
I'm hoping your husbands SA was analysed on site I think it's a bit cruel having to wait so long for those results...... Can you be put on a cancellation list to have your appointment brought forward?
I agree with people telling you to relax and it will happen. What I have noticed on this forum is there have been so many girls with fertility issues that have fallen pregnant and gone on to have healthy babies (my due in June bump buddy LoobyLou has just had her baby girl Alana and she was a LTTCer)
We all get highs and lows and don't keep it bottled up rant away!!!
Try and keep yourself busy/distracted at least you've got the ball rolling.
Alison (36+2) xxx
GEM78 - thanks for gatecrashing (you too Mrs Pootle!) - it is so lovely to hear of your happy endings, it gives me hope. Good luck for the remainder of your pregnancies - I will keep an eye out for your birth stories and pictures of your little ones when they arrive
Mrs Pootle - I don't think I can get an appointment any sooner, so unless they write to us with the results of the SA before our appt on the 22nd I guess i'll have to wait. It is a long time, but I have no reason to think DH's sperm has any problems (he is one of the healthiest people I know - I am a slob by comparison
Snowie, thanks for your kind words too (and the hug!) - it sounds like we have a lot in common with our ages and the PCOS. I will be keeping my fingers firmly crossed that the Provera and Clomid work their magic and you will get a BFP soon. I will keep an eye on how you get on too, and hopefully will be coming with you into the Pregnancy after Infertility forum in due course. Fingers crossed for us both!
Since I have had such a great response from you ladies I think I will hang out here in LTTTC, as the TTC forum was starting to make me feel quite upset and inadequate - I am pleased for anyone who gets a dearly wanted BFP but they make it look so easy! - I think I will pop into PAI now and then when I need a boost too!
Sarah xx