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ectopic, pcos, and now male infertility... please help

Sorry girls, i have no where else to go and i feel so lonely.

I managed to get pregnant last year and when through a horrible ectopoic that was managed badly. Since then they have discovered i have no periods and no ov... likely due to my pcos. I have had months of tests, scans, bloods etc, and am feeling so depressed, but today i have just had the blow that my OH is also classed as having male infertility. I never really thought we could be that unlucky. I was hopng for some clomid and that we would eventually get there, but now i just want to curl up, i have not stopped crying, and i feel like my heart is going to break. I cant cope with it all much more.

His levels come back less than 8m when they should be >30 and then he was told they are 96% abnormal anyway. He is obvously gutted (we both asumed it was all me) I dont when where we go from here... clomid isnt really likely to be very effective is it?

Is anybody in a similar situation who can help? All my freinds have babies and i feel like im drifting futher and further away from them, as much as im happy for them, sometimes i cant cope with the cooing and nurserys and baby groups. I feel like they pity me and i get frustrated with them telling me it will all be fine. I hope you understand and dont feel like im unkind, im not i love my friends but unless you have expereinced this its hard to understand.

Please help if you can..

Gemma x


  • I haven't experienced all you're going through and just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you.

    I feel similar about my friends, they can be very frustrating as they don't have a clue what it's like, even though they're good friends.

    It's probably difficult for you right now with so much to take in, it's ok to be sad at the mo as it's all a shock. When you feel more together, see what options you have. People on here always have so many ideas and suggestions.

    Sending you a big big hug,
  • I'm sorry to hear about your news. There are some brilliant things they can do nowadays. You could maybe be referred for IUI like claire-ski. I know its difficult but try and stay positive. People are told they can have kids all the time and they do, the doctors arent always right. Good luck for whatever the next step may be!
    big hugs xxxxx
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  • Gem, honey this must have been yet another blow to you and oh but like the other ladies have said, don't give up hope becasue other people in your situation have gone on to have gorgeous babies.

    When you end up in this particular forum it means that already your confidence and relationship has gone through the absolute mill. Most people never ever have to feel like this (thankfully or there would be hell of a lot more divorces out there). I know it's the hardest and most heartbreaking thing that I've been through and I am sure it is the same for you.

    You sound as if you are very low at the moment and that's understandable. Look after yourself and treat yourself and OH to something and when you are ready to face things again get your doctor to tell you exactly what the options are for you and what the next step is.

    Once you know what you are facing you will be stronger as a couple and be able to plan.

    In the meantime if you ever need to rant, cry or need a virtual cuddle then we are all here for you - because we do understand xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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  • Hey hon
    Just thought I could relate a couple of things to make you feel a bit better. Although it is a really hard situation particularly shocking if you thought the SA would be fine.
    The world health organisation guidlines on male infertility state
    In terms of morphology a 'normal result' is 85% abnormal forms. My hubbys morphology is between 4-6% normal (varies between tests) and our consultant stated that it was still compatible with pregnancy

    The numbers in this report state that the number should be 20 million. I could explain so much better on paper but the relationship between chance of pregnancy and sperm bumber is not a simple relationship the chance of pregnancy only really plummets under five million per ml.
    I hope this helps, the bottom line as Claire Ski says is ICSI which is what we had in the end ( but I am 39 so no IUI etc because of my age). they select out the fine looking sperm and inject the. BIngo I got a BFP!!!! (MMC later)

    Take heart there is still hope
  • Thanks Ladies, (smileychops, claire ski, warrenaj, jess,j - jenko)

    Your replys are much appreciated, It is really useful to have some people who can offer advice and support in what is a scary and uncertain time. I have been a regular poster in MC and Ectoptic support, but this is all new to me, and their is a lot to learn!

    My Gorgeous husband is devestated, he has been so supporitve of me over the last year, neither of us had any clue he was also having problems. I have tried to reassure him, but he feel's so responsible, obviously we are both feeling very low, but we have a good realtionship, he is so lovely and i know we have to get through this together one day at a time.

    J- jenko, thats for the stats, i'll check out the report.. also claire-ski, thanks for all that first hand info on icsi too... I forgot to say his motility is also 40% (i think) it was exactly borderline abnormal. All in all not great. Although i take some comfort in what you have all posted about this.

    I have a fertility appointment next week to discuss our options, i'll let you all know what happens,

    Thanks Again,

    Gem xx

  • Hi Girls,

    Just got back from hospital, and as always straight on here to update and get advice!

    It was more bad news as i suspected, they said if it was only my problem they would have a good chance of getting me ov again, but due to OH low count and morphology, there is hardly any chance of us conceiving without serious intervention.

    Briefy this is what my action line looks like:

    *Another SA test for OH (just to give him another chance, they recommend 3 months inbetween between but will test again in 1 month)

    * If the count is still low then we have some limtied options:
    1) Check my tubes, and then try and get me on clomid for 6 months and see if we get very lucky (but chances are like 1-2%)
    2) If the results have improved any, we may be suitable for IUI, but this would have to be funded priavatly, and again i would need tubes tested first. Currently SA is so low we would not be suitable.

    3) Laslty if my tubes are blocked and sperm stilll poor then we should go for a cycle of ICIS and again this would have to be private because not eligable for NHS cycle until im 39! Grrrrrrrh!. The doc said I would have to pay privately if i was in a rush! (now i think ive been bloody patient so far, but yes actually in that case i am in a rush.. she made me feel as if i was being impatient not wanting to wait nearly a decade for 1 chance that may not work anyway!)

    Im thinking realistically this is gaing to take at least 12 - 16 months, even the appointments are so far apart, my next one is in mid june, thats when i get to discuss the route we are going to take.

    Obviously finace is a big worry, along with the stress of everything else as well, i dont know how we will pay for all of this as we already work long hours and dont have much spare.. we dont have financial support from our families or anything flash to sell,... any ideas? how have others found the cash?

    Im sorry to be so miserable. but im going through that life is so unfair stage!

    Any PMA out there?

    Gem x

  • aw chick I dont know how I missed this post so sorry haven't posted before now - firstly big hug to you (and you OH) you have had to swallow a lot of information in the past few weeks and it can be very hard to take in.

    You will probably have days when you will be able to focus on the positive -IE: there is some hope even if it is expensive and then other were you will be really down (thats what we're here for!!!)

    RE: money making ideas
    - what is your current occupation?
    -what is hubbys?
    -do you have any talents? - do you play an instrument are you arty?

    get back and I'll do a brainstorm for you!!!!! See if we cant get you started on the saving for your wee baby xxx
  • I'm late to post on this but just wanted to add that I've heard you can get a discount cycle of IVF if you donate eggs, I think...

    Not sure if this is still running but there may be similar schemes out there.

    I've never heard of NHS limiting IVF before a certain age - well not 39 anyway. I know they're sometimes funny about people in their early 20s but that seems ridiculous! Everyone knows success rates are lower over 35 so why would they postpone it and make it harder?!!!! Maybe get confirmation on that one? She might have been having a bad day. That happened to us when we went the hospital, Silly moo told us we'd have to wait 6 months for a procedure that I ended up having done in 4 weeks!

    One more thing. Our doctor at the hospital told us that my HBs 7% normal forms morphology was good! Not much more that your HBs. We improve his by 3% in 3 months by cutting down on alcohol and giving him vitamins and staying away from curry...

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