This made me chuckle!

Hi girls

Have been ready and using my Taking Charge of your Fertility book this month (which is fab!) and there's a section which really made me chuckle. It's like a glossery of terms for ttc and is on-line too: http://www.fertilityplus.org/faq/humor/sniglets.html

Thought I'd copy my favourites below:

Indifferent costimulus - the need during intercourse for her to concentrate on fertilizing and him to avoid all thoughts of fertility/infertility and just come.

Piddlesticks - an exclamation made after mistakenly splashing on the window of an ovulation predictor kit or home pregnancy test urine-stream stick, as in "Oh piddlesticks."

Sperm washing - what you have to do to the sheets when hubby accidently falls off the pillows at JUST the wrong moment and / or you cough/sneeze/laugh just after that precise moment.

Day-one-dering - wondering why oh why you have to deal with "day one", yet again!

Fanta-sizing - Dreaming what you would look like nine months pregnant.

Laparophobia - in intense sense of dread preceding laparoscopy, marked by last-ditch efforts to get pregnant and avoid having the procedure (like you weren't already trying your hardest).

Missedconception - the belief that you actually would have conceived if you and your partner hadn't avoided sex while you were having a MASSIVE fight; also the belief that you actually would have conceived if you and your partner hadn't avoided sex in spite of being toooo tired because you both had worked 15 hour days for the previous three.

Preconceived notion - the idea (before trying to get pregnant) that one will get pregnant within a month or two, three at the most.

Hormonophobia - dread fear of saying the wrong thing to your wife when she is on fertility drugs.

Preggozone - the magnetic area around all infertile women that draws expectant mothers into close viewing range; the first day of any cycle has the greatest magnetic field, closely followed by any day on which an infertile womans fails a pregnancy test.

Miss Mannerism - the habit, when people ask you nosy questions about when you're going to get pregnant or make rude comments like "want my kids?" of looking a combination of shocked and puzzled and saying something like, "Why ever would you say such a thing?"

Inferguilty - how you feel when you're having a bad day and you read someone's post announcing their pregnancy and you are overcome with the urge to kill them.

Lubiscus - embarassingly goopy wet feeling after an uncomfortably intimate examination or procedure.

Psycho-symptom-atic Syndrome - a psychosomatic condition afflicting women during the two-week waiting period; marked by a tendency to incorrectly attribute every bodily twinge and twitch to the early stages of pregnancy.

"The Sperminator" - nickname for any friend of your husband's who insists on extended sauna sessions after playing squash.

Freeballing - the step beyond boxers taken by truly devoted husbands with low sperm count.

Freeballitis - chaffing and raw skin associated with freeballing.

Rigorous mortis - loss of interest in sex due to lack of spontaneity in timing.

Clearpit Easy - bottomless pit into which women hurl buckets of money while repeatedly testing for pregnancy way too early or while testing for an LH surge.

Assincline - the odd-looking practice of elevating a woman's buttocks after intercourse in order to maximize the sperm's ability to swim for the egg.

Hubincline - the odd-looking practice of placing a woman's buttocks on her husband's back after intercourse in order to maximize the sperm's ability to swim for the egg.

Gluteus Unrelaximus - side effect of the uncomfortable act of propping up the buttocks after baby-sex.



xxx