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O/T Really p***ed of with H2B
Not really the place for my rant I'm sure, but it's doing my head in!
As you know I am looking into doing my midwifery training, which involves quitting my job to do a full time 3 year degree. I have looked a lot into the financial side of things to work out how we can afford it (because we struggle now on 2 full time wages) but I'm pretty sure if I can find an alternative childcare (which costs us ??814.50) a month we should be able to do it
Anyway, he has made it pretty obvious he doesn't support what I want to do. He keeps saying that I can't do it because we can't afford it, but I get the feeling there is more to it than that and that he is trying to keep me from getting my dream. So basically either we split up and I do it (which I don't want to do- we have a new daughter for crying out loud) or I never do it and I resent him forever
It's really upsetting me now. And last night I was lying in bed stewing over it and I started thinking about the other ways he p***es me off too, like the fact that he never helps round the house, and he thinks he can just go out and leave me with Haiden whereas if I want to go out I have to ask him to have Haiden or arrange someone else to
I am NOT in a good mood this morning!
Sorry for the rant xx
As you know I am looking into doing my midwifery training, which involves quitting my job to do a full time 3 year degree. I have looked a lot into the financial side of things to work out how we can afford it (because we struggle now on 2 full time wages) but I'm pretty sure if I can find an alternative childcare (which costs us ??814.50) a month we should be able to do it
Anyway, he has made it pretty obvious he doesn't support what I want to do. He keeps saying that I can't do it because we can't afford it, but I get the feeling there is more to it than that and that he is trying to keep me from getting my dream. So basically either we split up and I do it (which I don't want to do- we have a new daughter for crying out loud) or I never do it and I resent him forever
It's really upsetting me now. And last night I was lying in bed stewing over it and I started thinking about the other ways he p***es me off too, like the fact that he never helps round the house, and he thinks he can just go out and leave me with Haiden whereas if I want to go out I have to ask him to have Haiden or arrange someone else to
I am NOT in a good mood this morning!
Sorry for the rant xx
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Replies
aww hun, sounds like you're already starting to resent your hubby and if I was in the same boat I'd be the same. Don't let him prevent you from trying to achieve your dream. I'd continue to look for alternative childcare options and once you have a solution present it to him and see what he says (the ??814.50 does seem quite steep compared to prices my friends pay). Also next time he wants to go out, why don't you tell him 'we can't afford it!'.
Is there any way you could perhaps move back in with your parents for a brief spell ( a few days or a week) just for a break away from each other? Might make him realise how much he appreciates you. Sometimes (and we're all guilty for it) we take things for granted - could this be his problem?
I'm sorry I've not been much help at all. I really hope things work out for you.
Shell xx
sorry you are having this trouble. First I agree with shell most of my friends who use full time nursery only pay ??600 and the ones who use childminders even less.
As for your dream don't let anyone stop you. Have a sit down with h2b and ask him honestly what he thinks about your plans. Does he maybe want you to wait until Haiden is in school.
Sometimes these things pay off- dh quit his job last year and spent alot of our savings on sitting an exam- he passed and his work has gone from strength to strength- and most importantly he is happy and fulfilled- which is what you sound like you will be if you do midwifery.
As for help around the house and going out I'm exactly the same- hubby is so messy and I need to ask 100 times for things to be done- so if you sort that one let me know!
take care x x
[Modified by: mrsblue on April 09, 2010 04:41 PM]
Its hard balancing all the things in our lives sometimes - but I'm definately one of those who would rather do my all to try achieve something i really want rather than have regrets about not doing it, even worse if it means you'll end up resenting your other half. Yep financially I'm sure it will be a struggle - but isn't it always, no matter how much we earn! Follow your dream if you can my dear.
xxxxx
Have you sat him down and talked to him about how strongly you feel about it?
I hope you manage to sort it and go to uni with your OH's support. Big hugs hun xxxx
Your childcare bill does seem expensive to me too so you would save that if you stayed at home. Just a suggestion but one other thing you could do is to save the extra you're earning now and maybe set up a savings account for your 'uni fund'? That way, you'd still be doing something towards it and maybe when you have the money, hubby cant complain! It would also prove that you're serious about it too?
It's a toughie but hope you work something out soon hun. Try not to let it get you too down
K x
Well I haven't mentioned it to him for the last few days as I'm sure it will cause another argument, but I will have to really if I want to apply for September 2011 entry
In terms of our childcare, it's more expensive being in the South East. Haiden's nursery is really good (I looked at another too which was cheaper but didn't like it) and it cost us ??714.50 for 3 days a week for the month. That includes nappies, formula, etc which I know alot of other nurseries don't. We then give my sister ??100 to have her the other two days a week. If she was at the nursery fulltime it would be over a grand a month
I am considering going to the job centre and having someone work out whether we would be better off with me not working. It sounds ridiculous because I am on a good wage but who knows? We aren't entitled to WTC now and I don't think we would be entitled on just H2Bs wage either
Currently all I can afford to put away each month is ??50- and even with that we struggle!
xx
Taking into account our wages (but my basic not including commission as this changes month to month, and also not included child benefit and CTC) at the moment our disposable (eg what we have left for fuel, food, nappies, clothes etc) is ??650 ish. If I didn't work it would be about ??150. But assuming I got about ??7000 a year from the NHS bursary and student loan and didn't have to pay childcare (family and friends??) we would have ??750
Those are good figures to show him! x
if family and friends can help with childcare thats fantastic - I still think you should apply and if worst defer the place for a year.
Good Luck x
also not to put a dampner on things it is EXTREAMLY difficult to get on a midwife course, i have seen many try and fail (one lady who is very clever and has 8 children of her own, if she doesnt know how to give birth i dont know who will lol) but go for it and fingers crossed hun!!
xxxxxxxxx
MrsN, yes I did think that might be a plan actually. I could see if I get a place, then see what we would actually be entitled to financially, then maybe defer
xx