HV'S rant!!

Hollys_mummy · Mar 10, 2008 1:43PM

I am absolutly livid with my HV, when Holly had her jabs last week I was telling HV how I couldnt get Holly to take a bottle and she wanted to suckle every hour or 2 hours even though I had no milk left to give her and she obviously isn't satisfied with my milk alone any more. I am having real trouble trying to give Holly milk from a bottle/cup, most of the time she won't even take half an oz, I have tried everything I can think of, different formula, different bottles, different temps, different times of the day me not being there me giving her the milk but nothing works. If my mum has her for a few hours I always have to go get her coz she won't take milk from anything other than me.
My hv reffered me to a dietician to see if weaning Holly would be the best thing as she is 13lbs 9ozs (not a small baby for 10 wks!) I havent heard anything and it was an urgent refferal so I called today to find out what was happening and got a different HV who said it was my choice in how I feel Holly and basically its my fault she wont take a bottle and I would be a terrible mum if I wean her. She offered no support and kept saying well Holly is obviously enjoying being bf and being close to u ect, she doesnt understand thats all very well but she hasnt got a screaming baby who wants to be fed constantly and is never satisfyed. All she did was patronise me and I am really angry with some of the things she said. So now I have no idea what to do, I still have an unsatisfied, hungry baby and no help or support.
Rant over (for now!)
Amy and a hungry Holly! xxx

Pootle_OB · Mar 3, 2008 2:55PM

Sorry your hv is crap, some of them are really awful aren't they. I was talking to a woman at massage this morning who is having the same problem with her 12wk boy, he won't have anything other than her and she has tried all sorts of teats, formula etc. Her bf support group leader has recommended a bottle made by Playtex which apparently is so much like bf that baby doesn't know any different. Not sure of the exact name but she was going to buy some either today or tomorrow so will ask her at swimming on wed what they are called and if it worked and will let you know.

The hv is coming here tomorrow to talk about weaning, at least it's the nice one from my surgery who was brilliant and supportive about me giving bottles, unlike the other who just kept saying persevere (sp?).

Will let you know asap
Obi

alioli123 · Mar 3, 2008 3:14PM

Amy - started to type a reply only for net to go down...again!
Can't believe that HV said all that to you, it's shocking! They're there to support us and offer advice NOT to criticise everything we do, right or 'against the rules'! Some of them are so up themselves it's untrue! And why do they offer conflicting advice? It's hard enough as it is without hearing different views.
I really can't help with suggestions on how to get Holly to take a bottle. I introduced my 3 to bottles early so haven't had your problem. I have however had a very hungry baby (ds1) and i can empathise and sympathise with you on how demanding and tiring they can be. Lovely tho they are!
Hope you do get some good advice soon. Just out of interest, has anyone told you to NOT feed her so that's she's so hungry she has to take a bottle? Not my idea and don't know whether i could do it but someone posted that a while back somewhere on here!
Good luck!

-kia- · Mar 3, 2008 4:04PM

Thats an absolutely disgusting attitude!! As Alioli says, they are there to help not criticise! I'd be tempted to complain!

I can sympathise cause I had the screaming hungry baby with Cole, but I only lasted 2 weeks before introducing formula so you've done well to get this far. Its all very well to say about not introducing bottles early because it'll cause confusion but if they get too used to one thing they don't always like change and hten you have problems!

Can you try calling the dieticians to see if they've had the referral, or go to your gp to chase it?

-kia- · Mar 3, 2008 4:26PM

Amy I just had a thought - there was someone else posting in the baby forum not so long ago who was having a similar problem with their lo and bottles - may be worth trying to find it - someone may have suggested something you havent tried yet

Jolli · Mar 3, 2008 4:28PM

hi - with my first son he was always hungry too and constantly wanted to suckle. in the end though i found a dummy helped with his need to suck and comfort him. And it would help him go a bit longer between feeds. he was ok with bottles tho so i was lucky! would she take expressed milk from a spoon or cup? it would not solve the long term problem but it might get your lo used to feeding not from the breast.
you should ignore the hv - its really hard when they're supposed to know what they're doing but all babies are different so even the good ones won't know all the answers!! this one sounds like a right b****!
You should be really proud how well you've coped with this constant breast- feeding - it must be exhausting for you! wishing you lots of luck, xx

Emalenna · Mar 3, 2008 4:58PM

Hi.... I can completely sympathise with you.... Bryn is feeding every hour during the day at the moment, I did try him on bottles to give me a break but he just spat them out and wouldn't take them or a dummy - If you've read any of my other posts you'll know hes a big lad (last week at 10 wks he was 15lb 10oz) and it does feel like hes draining the life out of me at times - fortunately he has started sleeping better at night so I don't mind quite so much about the amount of daytime feeds. Your hv obviously had a very easy baby (if there is such a thing) or hasn't had kids..... if its any help, when I had my eldest son 16 years ago the advice was wean them on to solids much earlier than 6 months and because Tristan was feeding lots and still looking for more I started him on some baby rice at 12 weeks - it didn't do him any harm - I'm not saying its the right thing to do but don't feel bad if you decide to start giving Holly solids.... Have you thought about going to see your gp - they aren't as pro-breastfeeding as hvs - I know my friend did when she had the same problem and his advice was 'you know your baby better than most, you do what you feel is right - as long as you are sensible'.

Sending you lots of luck and hugs - I know what its like and I'm really sorry that your hv isn't more helpful. x

xxxElxxx · Mar 4, 2008 7:15AM

I agree with everyone above. Don't let yourself be bullied. I would phone up hospital to check if they have an appointment or make an appointment with your GP. I too have a little guzziler last week at 7 weeks + 3 days he was 13lb 5oz. He was bf every 3 hours so only really got a break of 2 hours inbetween. And sometimes for an hour of that before his next feed he would just cry. Everyone tells you it's best for mum and baby but it doesn't always feel like it when the baby is screaming and you're exhausted and close to tears yourself. I never really apprciated the statement 'every baby is different' until now. I have a ten year old and the two of them could not be more different! After last week and the weigh in of 13lb 5oz I decided he would have to go every 4 hours. He screams and cries for a feed anyway, so he's just going to have to do it some more! An hour before he is due his feed he is NOT happy but I've managed to hold him quite tightly bouncing him very quickly holding a dummy in his mouth. After about 5 of these hour long sessions he is now taking a dummy and..............loving it! I knew if he would just give it a go he would! He is now able to suck that and be happy or he falls back to sleep so we are getting a lot less of a grizzily baby. He also seems to be going a little longer through the night although it's too early to say yet.

Good luck Amy and remember whatever you do it will be the right thing because YOU are her Mummy and you know what's best for her (even if she doesn't know it!)

El x

Hollys_mummy · Mar 4, 2008 11:04AM

Thanks everyone for your responces you have all made me feel a lot better. Sounds like all of your hv's are better than mine, I didn't even know we were ment to get an appointment between 12-14wks to talk about weaning! We have also tried her with different Dummy's but she doesn't like that either.
Last night after a long talk with oh we decided that I wouldn't feed Holly for 3 hours and only offer her formula from a cup, after 2 hours of constant screaming and a lot of encouragement she took about 3ozs of formula, so a real break through! We tried her with her cup again this morning but she isn't interested so we will do the same as we did last night. It breaks my heart hearing her scream but I do know its for the best.
I think what annoyed me most was that the hv didn't (or couldn't) answer my questions as to WHY Holly can't have solids her answers were just oh government guidelines say 6 months. Surely they can't treat a baby who is say 4lbs at birth the same as a baby who was nearly 9lbs because by the time the baby who was 4lbs at birth is 5-6 months they would just be at the weight the 9lb baby is at 12wks if you see what Im getting at? It seems weaning its not a case of "every baby is different" Also she tried to tell me Holly couldnt cope with food but yet premature babys are weaned early because they don't have as big an iron store and in many cases premature babys digestive systems are not fully matured (or as matured as a full term baby) but prem babys can cope with food but not a full term baby. It doesn't make sence to me. Rant over again lol
Thanks again for answering me I know I can get the support I need on here!
Amy xxx

-kia- · Mar 4, 2008 11:54AM

I was talking to the hv yesterday about formula and stuff..and from what she said - basically they aren't allowed to recommend stuff that isn't government guidelines.. she couldn't recommend a particular formula but she could show me a chart with breakdown of all the formulas. Its crap really because babies are different and some need weaning earlier and some need formula no matter what some tit in the government says!!

just another suggestion amy - hope you don't mind! have you tried coating the teat of a bottle with expressed milk? Just so that it maybe smells right, or she gets the taste of it when you put it to her mouth? Good luck with trying the cup again tonight.

Hollys_mummy · Mar 4, 2008 12:59PM

Of course I don't mind the suggestions I am very greatful for them!! Yup I have tried pulling expressed milk on the teat, I have tried it with a bottle of expressed milk but it just doesnt make a difference. I have resigned myself to thinking she'll just never take a bottle but if she takes a cup then thats fine, I can cope with that lol
I think if all hv's are allowed to do is quote government guidelines then should at least know WHY the guideline is there.

xxxElxxx · Mar 4, 2008 1:15PM

It sounds like you're doing such a good job Amy, it really does. And that you have a really supportive oh. I know it's so hard listening to them cry esp if you know what will make them happy! (ie bf them) as I said I'm feeding my lo every 4 hours now have been doing it for 6 days and strangly I think he now seems to be crying less for food - weird I know can't work that one out! I think it's easier for me as my lo isn't that contented and cries a lot most days he is very windy / colicly or recently just seems to be plain bored / feed up and there's nothing we can do. It's so weird as my ten year old was so happy and smily and there was me thinking that it was because I was such a fantastic mother - I think it's just down to their little personalities sometimes. So we're all well use to him crying and we just say sorry little fella but it's for your benefit (and hopefully ours too eventually)

My hv is very lovely but sometimes I think they just give you text book answers that you can read yourelf in a book. Im bf and have had a lump in my right breast in the same place coming every 3 - 4 days then going for 3 - 4 days then back etc since my lo was born and also full blown mastitus once with it aswell. hv said just feed through it, have hot baths, massage. Well last Wed had enough called the dr and when I spoke to him he said I needed antibiotics as it just wouldn't completely go away by it's self and needed to be cleared up or the cycle would just continue. My hv did not tell me this!

It really is such a good job we have this site, it's where I get most of my advice (emotional as well as physical!)

El x

RachelBond · Mar 4, 2008 4:44PM

I think you're all doing really well under a lot of difficult and different circumstances.
All this government guidelines crap really gets on my nerves, I have seen 2 different hv (both lovely) but both offering contradictory advice. One even kept apologising to me when advising me about bottle/breast feeding in case she offended me, but she says she has to be so careful in what she says as some people take offence. I sometimes think that they don't know what they should be saying and what they shouldn't!

As for weaning, I know that I'm not going to wait til Amy is 6 months to start. Every person I know who has had a baby in the past 2 years have started weaning before 6 months. My best friend started her little boy at 14 weeks and her reasoning was that the little lad simply wasn't getting enough from her and formula and rather wean than have an unhappy and hungry baby.

alioli123 · Mar 5, 2008 4:59AM

I agree with all this government crap too. I'd hate to have a job where I couldn't put in a bit of my own experience/opinion! It must be quite frustrating for the HV as i bet they can be accountable if the advice they turns out to be wrong. Again, a sign of our times where so many people sue professionals for ridiculous things. Oh I'm ranting now, hope you know what i mean!?
I'll wean Gracie when she's ready...having her weaning visit on April fools day! After 12 tho lol. Won't have started her by then but may be close to it - she'll be 16 week then.

Emalenna · Mar 5, 2008 6:03AM

I haven't heard anything about a 'weaning visit'?? Is everyone supposed to get one? Bryn will be 12 weeks on friday.

alioli123 · Mar 5, 2008 6:14AM

Not sure - it's 'new' since having Alfie - ooh there's a surprise! My hv mentioned it at her 1st visit but another woman's doing it so it's later than it should be!

Emalenna · Mar 5, 2008 6:16AM

I was going to say I hadn't had one after Fee was born... I'm seeing the nurse on friday so I'll ask her x

RachelBond · Mar 5, 2008 9:23AM

Not heard of weaning visits either - maybe it's a regional thing?
Due to take Amy to clinic next week so I'll ask then.

mamapink · Mar 5, 2008 10:10AM

Hi, just something to check for babies that aren't taking bottles is have a look to see if they are tongue tied or partly tongue tied. My mum had the same problem with me when I was a baby she said she hardly had any milk and I simply refused the bottle until I was nearly 4 months old. It wasn't until I was about 7 that the dentist pointed out I was tongue tied (my tongue is tied really close to the tip so I can hardly stick my tongue out). Then she realised it was probably because I couldn't suckle the bottle properly when I was a baby that I was refusing it rather than just been a little bugger lol!
My little boy was tongue tied when he was born - I asked them to check as I was unsure if it was genetic or not and they slightly cut the webbing under his tongue. He sat there quite happily when they did it and it didn't bleed or anything! He was 50/50 as to whether it was worth doing but I figured why wait until he had problems feeding.

I've not been told anything about a weaning conversation over here either but then I think they still think I am weird for giving him the bottle as 95% of women breastfeed over here - apparantly anyway!! It is quite funny when I see her actually as I am normally the one telling her about things i have got to help him from the UK that they don't have over here lol! Think she learns more from my visits then I do!! =p

L xx

-kia- · Mar 5, 2008 10:18AM

I wasnt told about weaning appts either..I just got a letter saying to come for a routine assessment and when someone rang to cancel I asked what it was all about. Still..better that they talk to us now early so we are informed rather than waiting till 6 months when the government says we are allowed!!

Oh don't get me started on the government and their guidelines..its hard to rant with a baby head on your arm!!!

I'll wean Cole when he starts showing signs of being ready or when bottles aren't fillng him up - bollocks to the guidelines... I got baby rice in the cupboard ready.. and spoons and a bowl. SHould probably start picking up more weaning stuff so i'm ready. My friend has lent me 3 baby and toddler cookbooks so i'll have to take a look at those

Emalenna · Mar 5, 2008 12:08PM

Liz - Bryn was very badly tongue tied when he was born but he had it snipped when he was 2 days old - I was told it was genetic but neither me or my oh know of anyone in either of our families that has been tongue tied... I'm very glad he had it sorted so quickly - it made a huge difference to his cry and his feeding - he couldn't do either properly until it was done - the hospital didn't pick up on it though, it was the midwife on her first visit.

As for weaning, I gave Tristan baby rice at about 3-4 months old and I think Fee was about 4-5 months... it certainly doesn't look like it did them any harm... and I think Bryn will probably be between 4-5 months.

HV'S rant!!

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