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Is it just my life??

Hey ladies
im always moaning atm but its just everything seems to be getting me down when i should be happier than ever!
I've got amazing gorgeous twin girls who i love to bits....they are hyper and clumsy but they make me laugh a lot and sometimes are the reason i get out of bed on a morning (literally aswell as sentimentally lol)

I've got an ever expanding tummy which is home to my healthy babba no.3 who is growing away quite happily and other than some sickness and pain in my ribs my bambino gives me no trouble =) lil angel!

I love my boyfriend and yes we have had our fall out this week but we spoke yesterday and we sorted it out we had missed each other all week and he was devastated that he wasnt there for Ella when she hurt her arm! I told him i was resentful of the comment he made about the girls being 'my kids' and reminded him he wanted to adopt them! I told him id spoken to my mum in a nice way and said i didnt want my brother around the house anymore under ANY circumstances i cant have him stealing we cant afford him doing it for 1 and 2 why should we have to watch our possesions in our own house! If my mum puts up with it then thats her choice but im not and i dont have too! Im not speaking much to my brother! Im also not telling my mum how to raise him either her job not mine i have my own children to look after and focus on!

Sam told me he was so scared that he wouldnt be a good dad when the new baby comes or that he will feel different to this baby than he does to the twins and thats why he went away not really because of me he needed a break and he wanted me to sort out my brother which i have! Ive told him he wont treat this baby any different to the girls they were 4 weeks old when he became heavily involved in my life and in turn theirs. They call him daddy and adore him and he loves them too you can see it all Ella was saying when she got her pink cast on was 'me show daddy me show daddy' and ruby spent the whole week looking round the houise saying 'daddy gone daddy gone' it was heart breaking and i told him this and i asked that if we ever did split up would he want to still see the girls and he said of course he missed them loads so im still set for to have the adoption go ahead! Am i mad? My mum thinks i am she says that if he can take off for a week when im pregnant with his baby and got the twins then he cant love me that much! I disagree i think he thoughgt he was doing us a favour he wanted to clear his mind and get it sorted and didnt want me to see him upset! He also said he was still o scared of something going wrong with the pregnancy after the miscarriage he thinks its too good to be true i just shrgged and said i cant give you a guarentee on that one but im being positive!

Then the whole social services thing is hanging over me like a cloud on the balance of probability it is likely that the will take little to no action because they have spent time in our home environmenty and deemed Sam suitable to adopt and they wouldnt do that if they thought the girls were being abused! But just the thought that anyone could think i would harm my beautiful precious babies makes me sick to the stomach! Its worrying because they often take the innocent ones to court and cases like baby P are just forgotten about! I think the social worker will be out one day next week dont know if it will be same team as adoption or not ive still not got a ckue what to exoect and m almost to scared to find out!

The girls are off to nursery on monday =/ Im a little nervous in case they dont settle but they have been to nursery before and liked it until it was taken over and they became unsettled so i took them out! This is more a pre preschool than a daycare thing they do 3 mornings a weeks and it just means they get socilaised more and iget time to turn around because with work and the twins and the pregnancy i feel like i have no time and its only going to get harder when the baby comes! Im looking forward to it obv but you know me time would be nice now and then ;p Im not sure if the nursery will be informed about social services im hoping not as i dont want the girls to be any different to their peers image I dont want the nrsery to scrutinise every scrape and scratch.....i dont want them to think i am a bad mother i do my best and i adore my babies!!

I hate seeing Ella in her cast (although shes very brave and copes excellently as always bless her) she gets frustrated becase she cant pick some things up and struggles to feed herself a bit! We had a few tears when she couldnt go in the bath with her sister ( a fave passtime usually) and she was upset that she couldnt go swimming with grandma but i took her to the softr play instead and got her a balloon and a teddy shes bribed easily atm! The best present both the girls got was seeing their daddy today ive never seen them look so happy they ran to him and cuddled and kissed him like he's been away a month!! They didnt leave his side all day until he had to go and pick his gran up and take her up to the caravan for the night he's back now though image

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