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Feeling down
HI ladies
Not really any point to this post, just making my self feel better (I hope). Feeling exhausted, unwell, upset and angry all at the same time!!! I feel like a one man band single handedly raising my daughter, and sorting out all other aspects of our lives, but getting nothing in return. I hate living in Italy and I'm dreading going back at the end of the month. To make matters worse I will have two children; I am taking my step son back for his summer holidays. I dont drive and live in such a small village, there is nothing to do. His father will be at work all day and most of the night and to be honest I cant see the point of him going. Its not fair on him or me. All of my OH family will be there, which is nice but they will be down at the beach, which is fine, but I cant go there all the time (which I will be expected to do) because it is not fair on Emilia, It is so crowded and there will be no where for her to sleep without being woken up by noisy children - she needs her naps we have only just got them sorted!!! If we dont go down there we will just be ignored by the family and left in our village whilst everyone else enjoys themselves.
Plus most of the time even if I am there its like being alone as I dont understand what theyare saying.
Arghh...feel like a right moaning minny but I am fed up of doing everything myself and not having anyone take notice of what I want. I hate living there, being on my own 24/7. I have no friends and no opportunity to make any. I can't go to work because I have no one that I trust to look after Emilia. I want to come home and have done for the last 6 months but my OH just seems to be ignoring it. Seems he will find any opportunity to avoid the subject or just pay lip service to it. I feel like I have been backed into a corner, I either have to choose to come back to the UK and have some sort of life by myself or stay in Italy utterly miserable but keep my relatioship and my baby's father.
Sorry ladies, feel free to ignore
xxxx
Not really any point to this post, just making my self feel better (I hope). Feeling exhausted, unwell, upset and angry all at the same time!!! I feel like a one man band single handedly raising my daughter, and sorting out all other aspects of our lives, but getting nothing in return. I hate living in Italy and I'm dreading going back at the end of the month. To make matters worse I will have two children; I am taking my step son back for his summer holidays. I dont drive and live in such a small village, there is nothing to do. His father will be at work all day and most of the night and to be honest I cant see the point of him going. Its not fair on him or me. All of my OH family will be there, which is nice but they will be down at the beach, which is fine, but I cant go there all the time (which I will be expected to do) because it is not fair on Emilia, It is so crowded and there will be no where for her to sleep without being woken up by noisy children - she needs her naps we have only just got them sorted!!! If we dont go down there we will just be ignored by the family and left in our village whilst everyone else enjoys themselves.
Plus most of the time even if I am there its like being alone as I dont understand what theyare saying.
Arghh...feel like a right moaning minny but I am fed up of doing everything myself and not having anyone take notice of what I want. I hate living there, being on my own 24/7. I have no friends and no opportunity to make any. I can't go to work because I have no one that I trust to look after Emilia. I want to come home and have done for the last 6 months but my OH just seems to be ignoring it. Seems he will find any opportunity to avoid the subject or just pay lip service to it. I feel like I have been backed into a corner, I either have to choose to come back to the UK and have some sort of life by myself or stay in Italy utterly miserable but keep my relatioship and my baby's father.
Sorry ladies, feel free to ignore
xxxx
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Replies
You really need to sit and have a think about what YOU want for you and also what is best for you and Emilia, i have to say your life in Italy sounds incredibly lonely and im really not sure i could of put up with it for this long you must be a very strong lady to have gotten this far.
I think you need to make your other half talk about this (easier said than done by the sounds of it!) it is really unfair that he is not willing to sit down and talk this out with you, you seem to have given up an awful lot to of moved there to be with him he needs to realise that and start putting your feelings first you have just given birth to his child for goodness sake.
If you ever need to chat you can always message on facebook
Big hugs for you and gorgeous Emilia
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
But it has to be a joint decision else one will always resent the other for the decision.
The decision of where to live needs to be a compromise for the two of you where you can both be happy and make a life for yourselves as a family. He needs to understand this and I hope you can help him realise the seriousness of the situation. If he wants you to stay in Italy together something has to change. I'm sure the last thing he wants to happen is to have you both living thousands of kms away and the last thing you want is to be bringing up Emilia by yourself.
Sorry I think I went on a bit but we're sending you big hugs and I'm here any time you want to chat x x
i cant imagine how hard it is living over there, i would have to make hubby listen to how you feel, if you are unhappy then your LO will be too, you need to make the best decision for your family, you dont want to end up resenting your husband for making you so lonely, it might be worth planning a long trip back to the UK to have some time to think what you want, your hubby must see that you are happier with your family and friends, do his speak english? do they understand your feeling at all? i think he needs to make some compromises, as it sounds like you live as a single mum anyway.
(((((((((((((hugs))))))))))
First of all ((((((hugs)))))) I'm so sorry you're feeling so down. I'm not surprised - I can't imagine how difficult and lonely it must be for you. And I really don't think it's fair on you to be expected to look after your step son for so long, especially when his father is at work so much AND you have a little baby! His family don't sound like they're much help but could they not take him down to the beach with them so you can have plenty of time to concentrate on Emilia? It sounds like they're not very understanding at all
I know it can be really difficult with men sometimes and getting them to listen or talk (!) but I think it's really important that you have a proper sit down with your OH and make him face up to how miserbale and alone you're feeling. He is being very selfish by ignoring it. YOU need to be happy and well to look after Emilia and for her to be happy. It's no good you being stuck over there in Italy if it's making you ill because as we all know we need as much energy as we can to look after our little ones! I know it's difficult by perhaps give your OH an ultimatum - perhaps he needs that kick up the bum! And it sounds like you have sacrificed a LOT for him and perhaps it's his turn now that Emilia is here.
Remember we're always here to listen anytime and you are NOT moaning minny - it's always best to talk about things
Love NN and Olyvia xxx
I am still in Scotland, not going back till the 6th of July as I have to wait for my step son to finish school!! Doesn't help that I have had Emilia all this time on my own...but to be honest it doesn't feel that different to being alone in Italy...except better T.V!!!
Piggypops is right I do live like a single mum, My OH may give us financial support but a bit of emotional support would be lovely. He is a chef so I know that he doesnt have the kind of job that allows him to spend much time at home, but I think if we were back here then I would be able to get out and about and meet other mums. it frightens me that if anything happened to Emilia I wouldnt be able to get her the proper help quick enough.
He has just had a job offer from a restaurant where we used to live...not a great job but maybe a start to getting are family back together and happy.
I hate to sound cruel but it is a choice...I know I cant stay in italy. It is starting have a real affect on my health, 8 stone is not a healthy weight post pregnancy! If he doesnt want to come back to be with his family then it might just be Emilia and I
xx
We're always here, but it's nice to have a physical shoulder to cry on.
Whatever decisions you come to, they will be the right ones, because you are putting Emilia first.
More hugs. xx
like i say anytime at all!!
xxxx
No 8 stone is not a healthy weight to be running around after a baby! It really does drain you when you're a low weight with no reserves. You definitely need to get sorted so you can concentrate on looking after yourself as well as your beautiful daughter
Love NN and Olyvia xxx
mrs p i didn't know you lived in newcastle! i live in fenham where abouts are you from? x
Hope you are able to sort it out.
xx
Thank you Mrs P - I love newcaslte, my friend went to uni there. I had some great nights out!
It is a shame that we all dont live a bit closer because I think there are a few of us that could do with some mummy support and hug
Will keep you updated...hopefully with good news xx
Really hope you two get things sorted and you're happier asap. Keep us updated, do what you think is best for you and your little family - tricky times.
xxx
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