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Advice needed please!
Hi girls,
I need your advice! I'm currently 15+1 and this is my second baby, DS is 16 months old.
I won't go into all the details, but I had quite a traumatic time when he was born and
I had several tears including a 3rd degree one which left me in theatre for an hour and
40mins only minutes after delivering
I was very lucky with how I healed physically - was painful at first but I was lucky enough not
to have any problems with my bladder/bowels etc. the only thing was it took nearly a year before
me and hubby could do the deed without me being in agony.
It's more the emotional side of it that I really struggled to come to terms with and the fact that it
took so long to get things back on track with my hubby really affected me and knocked my
confidence badly for a long time.
So this time I've been told that it's up to me - whether to have a c section or go for normal delivery.
I'm waiting for a consultant appointment to discuss it further and I'm just so confused.
My midwife has been lovely about it and just told me to take my time thinking about it but either way
I'm petrified!
Do I go for normal delivery and risk tearing worse? This could result in long term incontinence problems.
Or do I go for a c section which will be much harder to recover from
in the short term?
My husband has suprised me actually, he really wants me to have the c section.
His view of or is yes it will be harder/more painful in the short term but that's got to be better than
the long term problems that I may face if I tear again.
Just wondered if anyone had been in a similar position?
And if not what would you do?
I'm really struggling to come to a decision, feel so scared either way and just do not want to
regret whatever I decide. I just want someone to tell me what to do!
Thanks for listening
Kat
Xx
I need your advice! I'm currently 15+1 and this is my second baby, DS is 16 months old.
I won't go into all the details, but I had quite a traumatic time when he was born and
I had several tears including a 3rd degree one which left me in theatre for an hour and
40mins only minutes after delivering
I was very lucky with how I healed physically - was painful at first but I was lucky enough not
to have any problems with my bladder/bowels etc. the only thing was it took nearly a year before
me and hubby could do the deed without me being in agony.
It's more the emotional side of it that I really struggled to come to terms with and the fact that it
took so long to get things back on track with my hubby really affected me and knocked my
confidence badly for a long time.
So this time I've been told that it's up to me - whether to have a c section or go for normal delivery.
I'm waiting for a consultant appointment to discuss it further and I'm just so confused.
My midwife has been lovely about it and just told me to take my time thinking about it but either way
I'm petrified!
Do I go for normal delivery and risk tearing worse? This could result in long term incontinence problems.
Or do I go for a c section which will be much harder to recover from
in the short term?
My husband has suprised me actually, he really wants me to have the c section.
His view of or is yes it will be harder/more painful in the short term but that's got to be better than
the long term problems that I may face if I tear again.
Just wondered if anyone had been in a similar position?
And if not what would you do?
I'm really struggling to come to a decision, feel so scared either way and just do not want to
regret whatever I decide. I just want someone to tell me what to do!
Thanks for listening
Kat
Xx
0
Replies
I sympathise with your situation. I think what happened will naturally put you off maybe a natural birth and a c-section maybe best for your long term health... As I dont know about this too much yet have the doctors / MW said that the past tears will cause probelsm this time? If they say it wont then if you want a natural birth maybe try it. If they think you are maybe more prone to tearing maybe consider the c-section.
I would like a natural birth if possble, but my friend recently had a c-section for medical reasons and she said for her it was the best thing to do.
Oh I am sorry I havent been useful really on this have I?
Do what is best for you and the baby.
I hope you come to a decision you are happy with soon.
xxx
I was out of bed the next day, able to wash, go to loo....
I dont think your in great pain... very sore... and you have painkillers.... Movement is limited at first... but that is the perfect excuse to sit there and feed baby and let everyone else do housework...
Picking DS up will be an issue.... as not meant to lift anything heavier then your baby.... but if explain to him early.... and cuddles are gentle.... (such as sitting on sofa with him... wont be a huge issue....
Clothing... loose fitting trousers that dont rub the scar....
Everyday feels better..... they say six weeks.... but you start feeling better before then....
You can pull yourself up to six months after (I hurt myself reaching for a bottle on top shelf) but the overall recovery isn't bad... and we had sex 3 weeks after birth....
Now planned are meant to be easier and better (as more prepared)
I think if can get the rest for first week... (as much as can with new born) and take easy as can for first few weeks... you be fine.
Just get as much done before birth (washing, food cooked)
ETeam I think it's the not picking DS up which is going to break my heart! But like you say, lots of gentle cuddles on the sofa.
Hubby has saved up quite a bit of holiday so would be able to take about a month off which will be fab. I know he will make sure I do as I'm told.
Before DS was born I got loads of meals cooked and frozen. It was an absolute life saver so will definitely do that again.
Going to do a lot of thinking and talking about it over the next few weeks/months but I am sort of swaying more towards the c section route.
Hopefully seeing the consultant next week will help make my mind up.
Kat
Xx
I haven't been offered the option...I am seeing a consultant but my MW has said unless I had any ongoing physical problems they will go for a normal birth.
Part of me would love a planned c-section as I hate the idea of not being able to sit down properly for a few weeks and bleeding for 9 weeks (yuck!). If I'm offered it I'll really think hard. As someone earlier said, a planned c-section seems a lot better than an unplanned one. A lady who was in the same ward as me was up the next day (albeit tentatively) and only didn't drive for the first 2 weeks.
Really down to you but don't beat yourself up either way. You've already pushed one out...so you can get the badge for that!!
I also had a 3rd degree tear and had to be stitched up in surgery after my daughter was born. I was sore for a few weeks and had a problem with a little knot of stiches that didn't dissolve but apart from that was back to normal within a month.
I did religious pelvic floors to get control full control of my back passage and me and hubby managed to have sex again at 6 weeks after, though gently and with lubrication.
My tear was classed as 3b. Im not saying any of this to belittle your experience but rather to show if the same thing happened again the recovery could be totally different. I gave not considered anything other than a natural birth this time and I will discuss how to avoid tearing with a midwife and ask that they make sure this one comes out nice and slowly.
I'm also going to try perennial massage ( not sure how you spell it).
You can only do what's best for your own mental state. I would donlots if research into the likelihood of tearing again, ways to avoid and complications from a c-section and weigh it all up.
Whatever you decide will be the right thing for you x
I refuse to be induced again (so in that case would take a section)
I am also worried about not being able to pick my son up.... one of major downsides
Good old hubby...
Mine didn't get any leave really last time (but could work from home for a bit) though didn't have DS to look after...
I spent first few weeks in bed.... would go down and get bits for the day and spent the time nursing my son... letting him sleep on me (only moving if needed a week) about 2 weeks later i was much more mobile... so could easily do what i needed to do...
by week 6 i was out and about doing things and housework.... baby groups.... just got tired easily and had to remember no to over do....
Only reason i like a vbac over c-section is that i was sooooo close last time (long story)
But if a big baby again maybe a section would be better... hoping cos she is a girl she may be smaller
Eteam, have you been offered a c section with your second? I have to go to a VBAC clinic next week to discuss options but really want to have another c section if I can