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FAO Tracey1981 *updated*
Hi hun,
Just thought I'd say hi and wondered how u have found life with a 5 yr old and a lo? Sounds like we have been in similar situations...I have 5 yr old from previous relationship too. She has adjusted quite well but I always worry that she will somehow feel less important to me because I have Braedon now who needs so much attention and gets to stay at home with me while she goes to school, and the fact that her daddy doesn't live with us but Braedon's daddy does.
How has Robbie taken to his little sister? She is gorgeous by the way xxx
[Modified by: ClaudiaT on 07 October 2008 20:02:37 ]
Just thought I'd say hi and wondered how u have found life with a 5 yr old and a lo? Sounds like we have been in similar situations...I have 5 yr old from previous relationship too. She has adjusted quite well but I always worry that she will somehow feel less important to me because I have Braedon now who needs so much attention and gets to stay at home with me while she goes to school, and the fact that her daddy doesn't live with us but Braedon's daddy does.
How has Robbie taken to his little sister? She is gorgeous by the way xxx
[Modified by: ClaudiaT on 07 October 2008 20:02:37 ]
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Noticed that you have been on BE but not replied to my message...just wanted to say that I'm really sorry if I came across as nosey or have offended you in any way. Wasn't my intention, just looking to chat, so please accept my apologies if you felt I was inappropriate.
Claudia
so you have a 5 year old too cool, Robbie is a little sweetie sometimes but as I bf I find I dont spend as much time with Robbie. I find him getting more attached to Ray my OH, although I worry about Robbie Ray is doing an excellent job, I try to spend more trime now and he loves Caitlin loads. Robbie's dad is a waste of space and lives in Newcastle ex druggie and a bully Robbie has only seen him once since we moved to Swindon. I hate him he made my life hell, Robbie sees Ray as his daddy but knows his other daddy, its so hard to know whats for the best I suppose I hate Robbie mentioning him as I hate him and despise the way he treated both of us. He used to steal, and bully me and I think we are better off without him but Ray mentions that he is still Robbie real dad but I suppose I dont see that.
I have another problem Robbie bio Dad is now expecting another baby with his gf, do I tell Robbie even though Robbie will never go to Newcastle ? Or spend anytime with his gf and baby? It is still Robbie half sibling then I made me remember Caitlin is his half sibling and that upset me.
Why is life so complicated?
Does your daughter get to see her dad?
Really sorry if you thought I was offended hun Im not, in fact its great to know someone else in the same situtation
xxx Hugs to Braedon and your family xxx
God where do I start with the saga that is madi and her dad?!? He is not as bad as your ex by the sounds of things but does my head in...I have the opposite problem, he is doing his best to turn Madi against me and my hubby shaun.
We hardly knew each other when I fell pg with Madi...he talked me into having the baby (which I dn't regret of course) and proposed and I said no cos hardly knew each other...then when I was 3mths pg, he had a breakdown, started threatening all the men I worked with and confessed that he has borderline personality,depression and obsessive compulsive disorder. I guess once he told me he felt he could relax and he became totally possessive (if I looked out a window, he accused me of cheating) and used to disinfect the door jambs and banisters, I wasnt allowed out of the house without him, scrubbed in shower till he bled and it turned out that he had lived in mental hospitals for a lot of his youth. When madi was born, he got worse, I wasnt alllowed to leave the house with her in case she got "contaminated" and he went cold with me, was only interested in the baby. When she was 5 mths old, we moved bak to Kent to live with my mum and dad while saving up for house...I had to get a full-time job whenshe was 6mths as he refused to get a job at all. So when she was 7 mths old, I kciked him out told him I wouldnt raise a child with a man who refused to contribute and I was missing out on her completely, working long hours while he spent all the money while I was at work.
I gave him 6 weeks to find a flat and move out, my parents had to demand he go and he then stole my car. before he moved out i had a letter from a solicitor saying that he was taking me to court for full custody even though I said he could see her as often as possible. We spent 2 yrs through courts with him accusing me of being a prostitute and druggie.
He has always seen her for around 4 hrs on a sunday and still does. He spoils her rotten, buys her as many icecreams as she wants, lots of toys and takes her wherever she wants to go. Recently, he started asking for overnight visits and although the idea makes me feel sick, I have agreed that he can after a period of him having her for more than 4 hrs a week and as long as she is happy. Then he phoned me saying that she said she wants to live with him and asked if that was ok...I hit the roof!!! Trouble is, the whole time they are together, he tells how if she lives with him, he'll buy her whatever she wants and that mummy is the one who won't let her live with him. so she is starting to resent me because i wont let her be with daddy all the time and because i don't give in to her all the time like he does.
Sorry this has turned into a really long post!!! I hate the fact that daddy is wonderful and me and Shaun are the baddies all the time, it breaks my heart when she tells me she likes daddy better and wants to live with him...itsounds awful but in some ways i wish he would just disappear and leave us alone. I find him really scary, hes impossible to talk to and is very manipulative so i find it really hard to put my views across and he knows it, he keeps just pushing me and pushing me knowing how i hate it, hoping i will just give in.
Sounds like you have a really tough time with Robbies dad, do u think it upsets robbie at all? Sounds like he has a great relationship with Ray which will hopefully be more than enough love for him as he grows up. Shaun finds it hard, Madi can be really strongwilled and he gets cross with her, then i feel bad that they are not getting on...he is good with her most of the time but often says that she is a naughty child (which she is not at all) and i worry about their relationship as she grows up. And of course now Braedon is here and at the moment can do no wrong in Shauns eyes, I think Madi sometimes feels left out. I hate it and try so ard to stop her feeling this way but sometimes i feel torn...does that make any sense to you? I want madi to understand that i love her jst as much but that Braedon is still so small that he won't get told off but one day he will when he is naughty.
Parenthood is soo hard, especially when there are extra parents involved and half brothers\sisters. sorry ive been ranting away hope i haven't bored u too much!
Madi is brilliant with her brother tho and is at a great age to help out, she loves to feel important when he is crying and he stops when she puts his dummy in...loves having a bath with him, helps to feed him and choose clothes for him.
Has Robbie been getting involved? Maybe its because Madi is a girl.
hugs for Robbie and Caitlin xxxxx
Richy was an awful dad, I used to have to leave him money to do things with Robbie or he would walk out b4 I had to go to work, throw things , threaten me he would sell things if I didnt leave the cash. When we met I was just getting out of a crappy relationship and he was sweet and nice to me, and then I started going up from Swindon to newcastle every other week, he declared love and me stupid fell for it. He was clean when I met him, and then when I was 8 months I found him in the bathroom od'd I was in shock but thought I could help, he was possesive and told me not to tell anyone, which I didnt I thought I could help him and I did for a while I went back to work and then it all went wrong on my birthday he od'd again I told him to leave and he became voilent I wasnt strong enough I had no family up there and noone to confide it. I started losing so much weight with stress and became ill, then he got better but knew he controlled me I was scred but long story short I kicked him out when Robbie was 3.
I hate him, controlling and he trys to put words into Robbie's mouth when he sees him and I only let him see him when it is convient for me, no unsupervised contact either as he has threatened to take him away before.
So when we have contact, I have to bloody go and last time he slagged Ray off, even though he has not met him lol, and called me all the names, prostitute etc.
We moved away as Ray lived in London, near Bromley, and after deciding I couldnt take anymore scared to open the door after 3 huge blokes nearly kicked my door down for 2k Richy owed them I moved back with my parents, still there at minute with Ray and kids and moving into our house in Nov.
It must be hard on shaun and u bcause I know you torn between your child and your husband/partner.
Kids are so easily influenced too, maybe sit down with ex and say some ground rules, no slaggin off ur husband, and no letting her do what she wants, as she wont thank him later.
Ask your partner to take her out on a special day just him n her, thats what ray does might be different as Robbie is a bit of a mummys boy n doesnt mention Richy much.
Bless Madi i dont know about u but i struggle to find time to spend one on one with Robs
Robbie does help with Caitlin but is a clumsy git lol, fallen on her once n it has scared Ray a bit, he loves her though n copys what Ray says like clever girl n hows my baby girl bless lol
Is he ok now, does he take medication?
Madi doesnt know what she wants bless her, getting to have n do what you wanna do of course she wants that, Robbie dud when he went to see his dad n his gf who was 19 his dad is 27, they spoilt him, played games n he had one on one attention.
Wherebouts do you live, do you still live in kent?
Richy does the same bout Mummy wont let me see you, which is sort of true as I dont know if he is actually clean now, and I worry he is a bad influence on Robbie.
add me to msn if you like layla_1981@hotmail.co.uk and ill send mey number and you can call anytime to have a rant bout exs lol xxx
Take care and love to all of you, bless little madi xx
I have tried talking to my ex (his name is Matt) about how confusing it is for a child to be getting different messages from us both but seeing as she can't even decide if she wants peas or beans for dinner, she definitely cannot decide who she wants to live with! His answer to everything I say is that he is her dad, he has rights, i treat him like h's on probation, he has every right to decide what is best for her, he doesn't have to prove himself to me etc... Even when i explained that she will end up totally screwed up if he keeps making promises that he can't keep or more precisely that are totally unrealistic, he just called me names and said I was trying to keep them apart. Because of his mental health issues, he has a very weak grasp on reality and control issues, he spends his whole life trying to prove that nobody and nothing will tell him how to live, that includes me and even his work (he is always late with no reason just to prove that nobody will tell him where to be and at what time). Any attempt to explain why certain are in Madis best interests ends in a row because he says I am trying to control his relationship with her.
Sounds like Ray has a great relationship with Robbie, I wish Shaun would try a little harder sometimes. He is really strict and will often step in when I am dealing with her cos he says I am too soft (I'm not soft on her but I believe in picking battles!). He had a bad childhood, not much love or discipline so he finds it hard. Keep meaning to get him to take Madi out for the day but he works odd shifts and also has a second job so we don't see much of him! I'm lucky if i get some time with him haha!
Will def keep pushing him to do that when he can tho, u have reminded me and I think it would do them some good.
Will add you to msn, my e-mail is shaunandclaudia@hotmail.co.uk, great idea we can have a moan when we have been having trouble with the exes!!!
hugs to everyone xxxxx