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Not baby related but.....
....really need your opinions! Sorry, it's a long one.
About 7 years ago my OH had a horrific motorbike accident. His injuries were so severe that he had to have massive emergency surgery and the doctors didn't think he'd pull through. After a week on a ventilator in intensive care and weeks recovering in hospital and at home he was more or less back to normal. At the time he promised me and his mum that he wouldn't get back on a bike and, so far, he's stuck to that. However, 7 years and 2 children down the line, he's just told me that he'd really, really like to get another bike (then he's fegged off to the pub-impeccable timing!!!) My gut reaction was to burst into tears and to say not an effing chance, particularly now we've got Joe and Evie to think of as well as Elliott's mum (probably worth mentioning that his dad was killed in a motorbike accident when Els was only 2 and his brother just a few weeks old)
He's car and bike mad, always has been and always will be. I wouldn't change that for the world so I do understand and appreciate the sacrifice that he's made in giving bikes up. But, though he claims otherwise, he has no idea what we all went through seeing him hooked upto tubes, wires and a ventilator in ICU. Not to mention the recovery afterwards when he could do bugger all for himself and ended up back in hospital twice. There's no way on earth that he can know how it feels to see the person that you love and intend spending forever with fighting for his life. I still say that he was lucky to have the accident 250 miles away from home as he was taken to Leicester Royal Infirmary which, at the time, was one of the top teaching hospitals in the country. Had he been closer to home, I don't think he'd still be here.
When I said that it was about more than the two of us now, he said that it was having children that'd made him realise how much he missed it. He feels he'd be too old to enjoy it properly when they're grown up. I put up with a lot from him (I promise he's much lovelier than that makes him sound) but I can't help thinking he's being selfish on this one. It wouldn't be quite so bad if he'd consider getting a cruising bike but I know him and he's such a speed freak that he wouldn't be happy unless he was racing round with his hair on fire. Then there's all the other nutters on the road to think of. I used to hate it when he went out on his bike pre-accident so now can only imagine how unbearable it'd be if he were to get another.
I love him to bits and hate the fact that I'm stopping him doing something that he loves but the thought of him getting back on a bike in any way, shape or form makes me feel physically sick and shaky. I've cried more than once typing this and just don't know what to do. Am currently having a glass of wine and watching ER (though I admit that's possibly not the best thing to be watching!). Any opinions or advice on where to go from here are welcome.
About 7 years ago my OH had a horrific motorbike accident. His injuries were so severe that he had to have massive emergency surgery and the doctors didn't think he'd pull through. After a week on a ventilator in intensive care and weeks recovering in hospital and at home he was more or less back to normal. At the time he promised me and his mum that he wouldn't get back on a bike and, so far, he's stuck to that. However, 7 years and 2 children down the line, he's just told me that he'd really, really like to get another bike (then he's fegged off to the pub-impeccable timing!!!) My gut reaction was to burst into tears and to say not an effing chance, particularly now we've got Joe and Evie to think of as well as Elliott's mum (probably worth mentioning that his dad was killed in a motorbike accident when Els was only 2 and his brother just a few weeks old)
He's car and bike mad, always has been and always will be. I wouldn't change that for the world so I do understand and appreciate the sacrifice that he's made in giving bikes up. But, though he claims otherwise, he has no idea what we all went through seeing him hooked upto tubes, wires and a ventilator in ICU. Not to mention the recovery afterwards when he could do bugger all for himself and ended up back in hospital twice. There's no way on earth that he can know how it feels to see the person that you love and intend spending forever with fighting for his life. I still say that he was lucky to have the accident 250 miles away from home as he was taken to Leicester Royal Infirmary which, at the time, was one of the top teaching hospitals in the country. Had he been closer to home, I don't think he'd still be here.
When I said that it was about more than the two of us now, he said that it was having children that'd made him realise how much he missed it. He feels he'd be too old to enjoy it properly when they're grown up. I put up with a lot from him (I promise he's much lovelier than that makes him sound) but I can't help thinking he's being selfish on this one. It wouldn't be quite so bad if he'd consider getting a cruising bike but I know him and he's such a speed freak that he wouldn't be happy unless he was racing round with his hair on fire. Then there's all the other nutters on the road to think of. I used to hate it when he went out on his bike pre-accident so now can only imagine how unbearable it'd be if he were to get another.
I love him to bits and hate the fact that I'm stopping him doing something that he loves but the thought of him getting back on a bike in any way, shape or form makes me feel physically sick and shaky. I've cried more than once typing this and just don't know what to do. Am currently having a glass of wine and watching ER (though I admit that's possibly not the best thing to be watching!). Any opinions or advice on where to go from here are welcome.
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Replies
Stick to your guns! Otherwise you'll be living in fear all the time.
Its a tough one as its obviously in his blood and even knowing his father died and knowing how tough that was on his mum is not stopping him. Could he join some sort of group that go to 'safe'places and let of steam on a track or a road thats been closed etc...contact some local bike groups???
My OH and I have this ongoing thing about him going out to his local expat club and drinking 5 to 6 pints (sometimes more) then driving home. We live in Bahrain where the locals drive like nutters and one day he is going to have an accident. i get so mad as I feel it is disrespectful to me and our kids to do this. I give up arguing now as I am so sick and tired of it but I hate it every time he goes out and now what is happening is because we are no longer arguing about it the resentment is building up and up until one day I will get so mad we will have the mother or all arguments. I just dont get how he can look at his 5 kids and then go off and do something so utterly foolish! I lost my dad (work accident) when he was 39 and I was about 13. It messed me up totally and I still to this day am not over the sudden loss of someone you love so much. My brother was nearly 2 when dad died and its so sad that he grew up without his father.
Why are men so stubborn, selfcentred and selfish????
I really feel for you as think you are going to be in for an uphill struggle with this one. Think maybe you and his mum need to sit down with him and tell him how you feel and what you went through when he was in hospital. To watch someone you love suffer is the worst thing ever and you really dont need to be sat home thinking all those old feelings until he pulls up in the drive safe and sound. You will drive yourself mad and he needs to know how awful you feel and how you will feel each time he goes out on a bike.
good Luck
d x
Thanks for all replies. Just had a talk with with Elliott about him wanting another bike and, whilst I don't think he's changed his mind, he at least knows exactly how I feel about it and why. Even managed to do most of it without crying again. Dee, I used your cracking line about responsibilities changing when we decided to become parents. It was exactly what I wanted to say but couldn't quite form the sentence myself.
It seems I was wrong about him wanting to race round with his hair on fire, he admits that he's completely lost the nerve to do that and was erring more towards getting a cruising bike than a sports one. I'm fairly sure I've not heard the last of this but I guess that's a bridge to cross another time. I will actually kill him myself though if he just comes home on a bike one day.
Thanks again
Zoe
xx
Fingers crossed he will forget it for a while anyway.
Another line I thought of is to ask him if he would mind Joe riding around on one in 15 years time and how he would feel if he got hurt?????
d x