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I wish I had more confidence
I wish I had more confidence to stand firm in my decisions. As those of you on FB know, this weekend we ditched the dummy. Its gone really well and the diva slept through last night for the first time ever. Nap times are a little harder but she has napped successfully without her dummy all weekend with some perseverance from me. this morning my sister came round and declared she thought i was silly to ditch the dummy and that there was nothing wrong in having one (which there isnt, its just not something i personally wanted to use with DD past 6 months). As she was visiting I missed izzy's sleep cues and as a result she got overtired and was difficult to settle. While I was trying to comfort her, i had to put up with my sister's comments of 'poor baby' etc and gave in and gave her the dummy as i felt so bad.
then I went to the Mother and Baby group and I was only one bottle feeding. When I got the bottle out, i saw some of the Mum's look at each other and raise their eyebrows. Someone asked me what made me decide to FF and i saw them all listening intently and exchanging 'looks'. I ended up sitting on my own and came home in tears. I know the decision I made to FF was the right one for me and Izzy, i was at the point of crying at every feed and who wants to spend their child's babyhood sobbing at the thought of feeding them? But now i feel awful and terribly selfish for quitting (ETA - Izzy was the ONLY baby there who was rolling, lying happily on her tummy and sitting unaided and yet i still came away feeling like she was deprived). This isnt a BF vs FF thread. I would've loved to BF happily and I also appreciate what FF did for my relationship with isobel but i wish I could feel confident in the decisions I have made without letting other people's opinions push me down so low
then I went to the Mother and Baby group and I was only one bottle feeding. When I got the bottle out, i saw some of the Mum's look at each other and raise their eyebrows. Someone asked me what made me decide to FF and i saw them all listening intently and exchanging 'looks'. I ended up sitting on my own and came home in tears. I know the decision I made to FF was the right one for me and Izzy, i was at the point of crying at every feed and who wants to spend their child's babyhood sobbing at the thought of feeding them? But now i feel awful and terribly selfish for quitting (ETA - Izzy was the ONLY baby there who was rolling, lying happily on her tummy and sitting unaided and yet i still came away feeling like she was deprived). This isnt a BF vs FF thread. I would've loved to BF happily and I also appreciate what FF did for my relationship with isobel but i wish I could feel confident in the decisions I have made without letting other people's opinions push me down so low
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just want to say that Megan (13+4) is FF and always has been (yes i have felt guilty many a time but i havd my reasons and ultimately i dont regaret my decision as it was the right one for me and Megan is a happy and content baby and i believe you need a happy mum to have a happy baby) anyway i also got some 'looks' at the baby group and feel like im being judged and have to constantly justify my decision....i work in health visiitng and felt there was all the more pressure on me to BF (something i would never do to another woman) yet one mum still proceeded to give me a lecture on the benefits and i felt like saying 'yes but look at my smiley girl compared to yours (she cried all the time) clearly it isnt doing my baby any harm! Anyway i have learned to not feel as self conscious but i wont sit in the feeding rooms in shopping centres as although the symbol on the door is of a bottle you know its meant for the BFs....yesterday i went in as the shops were nearly closing and there was no one else in and it was easier as i had lots of shopping bags (would normally sit at a wee cafe bit or a seat in middle of the shopping centre) anyway a BF mum came in and made a big show of shutting the door as 'she needed privacy' then it was top up and all 'come on baby have some yummy breast milk...the best thing in the world' now i know this but i couldnt help feeling like it was a dig at me so perhaps its more to do with my confidence than other mums? i
Im waffling here but on the subject of a dummy Megan has never had one and never will (you might have seen my post in baby lol) yet all i have had it 'she needs a dummy' etc from family members...she can be sitting smiling away on my knee and apparantly she needs one (Sometimes its even she 'wants' one lol) and i am cruel for not giving her one..if she cries (like you described e.g over tired or is hungry then again i am being a bad mummy not giving her one)
its taken me til now to feel 100% happy with both decisions i have made and accept that they were for the best - i have my wobbles and feel like the worst mummy on earth some days but you know what? im not half bad...her smiles and coo's tell me that and i bet your Izzy is just the same...
I'll shut up now lol....
Lx
Is there another group u can try. Maybe u might find one with more friendly people.
U know what is right for your baby. I think your amazing for giving up the dummy. I would love to throw leos out the window. I hate it. I'm up nearly every hr after midnight sticking it in his mouth. I don't have the willpower to give it up though. So give yourself a huge pat on the back. Your obviously doing a fantastic job as she's thriving so well. Ignore everyone else and u do what is right for your baby
Xxxxx
As you may have gathered from fb we've had trouble with little miss waking for the dummy when she never used to have it much at night, I only said to tim earlier how I wished I had the guts you had to take it off Ava as I'm sure she'd be fine but I can't deal with the backlash tbh.. Anyway you may have also noticed a certain comment from one of my other friends which p***ed me off a bit, telling mr I wouldn't be having a problem if I never introduced the dummy in the first place and that thumbs are best, hmm.. I appreciate that people have opinions but I do wish some people would also take into account that the people they're trying to force there opinion on to may also have there own! Grr
Hugs and trust in your self your amazing!
Xxx
Firstly you are a fabulous mummy and do everything for izzys best wellbeing. You have been so brave ditching the dummy and done so well, although one set back isn't ideal you've both done so well already I'm sure it won't matter. Izzy is thriving and doing fantastically...isn't she the first maybie to sit?! Anyone who can tut and roll eyes at ff clearly had a easy ride and just doesn't understand how difficult bfing can be for some mummies and babies. I've still got real issues with bfing and feel so guilty that it didn't work out...seeing mummies bfing really gets to me and that's without bad attitudes so can only imagine how it mustve made you feel xx
happyMrsg - I saw that comment on your status, i couldnt believe the cheek of it!! xx
I hope you have a better experience at the next playgroup.
Sorry you're feeling a bit low. I had the same experience at a group here when I was still trying to breast-feed (and had to get the bottle out in the end because she was so upset). A woman next to me actually tutted and turned away like I was pee-ing on her, not feeding her!!
You know from our chats that I've had the same struggles to accept ff-ing as you, but after seeing how well my little lady is growing and how content she is nowadays I haven't looked back and neither should you. Izzy is doing so well, you only have to look at her pics to see that.
As for the dummy, don't you care what anyone else says. Is Izzy your sister's baby? Nope, didn't think so!!
You are making all the right decisions for Izzy and for yourself, it's so clear to see. Don't doubt yourself just because some other people are stupid enough to do it! We all know how amazing you are
xxxxxx
She has hit every milestone bang on time and is a little gem. I am so proud of her I could burst. Who cares if she was FF? It makes no real difference. She is healthy and happy and no one would even to think to ask how she was fed now. In the grand scheme of things I dont think it really matters!
Evie is FF. I didnt take the decision lightly but I certainly dont feel the guilt I did with Lily. Your confidence will grow with time. By the time Izzy is 2 you will be getting the stares because she isn't potty trained or is eating a chocolate button or because she is having a normal terrible 2 temper tantrum. And do you know what? You wont care because you know your little girl and you know that she is a very clever, well behaived and emotionally stable little girl!
Hmmph! Rant over ha ha!
Izzy's meeting all of her milestones early, so you're definately doing something right. She looks so happy and contented in all the photos you post of her and she's clearly getting all the right sort of stimulation at home.
As for the bf mums - they've clearly got confidence issues of their own if they need to make themselves feel better by questioning you.
I think we all have days where we lack confidence in ourselves. For ages I didn't feel confident to feed Sophie in public (I'm very much in the minority in my local area being a bf mum) and it really restricted me going out, leading me to feel isolated. I get panicy when she cries when we're out - paranoid people think I'm a bad mother. I get worried when other people's babies are doing things Sophie is not, even if they are a month older. I felt upset for a week when my FIL said Sophie seemed hungry and we should top her up with a bottle, even though I knew there was no need. I worried for a week when the scales were broken at the GP and it looked like Sophie hadn't gained any weight for a month, even though I knew it was wrong as she'd gone up a clothes size. I was worried Sophie was overweight when she looked fat next to a baby who was not gaining weight as he should have been etc etc. Anyway, that's enough of my paranoias, I'll end up taking over the thread!
On this planet there are lovely ladies (BIMay is testament to that!) - but unfortunately there are also witches lol, you are doing an amazing job with Izzy and we're all just doing our best x
Izzy is not a "poor baby" for not having a dummy, I use mine less and less too as I don't want her to become too dependent upon it, and we never use it at night after one night where she kept spitting it out (I threw it across the room as I recall lol).
Keep your chin up hon, don't let other people get you down xx
I forgot to mention the other thing that irritated me - one of the women yesterday pointed to isobel's birthmark (honestly no bigger than half a centimetre and just looks like a big spot on the back of her head) and said 'what's that?' with her face screwed up. I replied its a birthmark and she said: 'its.... cute.' Um, whatever love!!! Im quite sensitive about it and i dont think its wrong not to expect other mother's to draw attention to it. Grr...
You were obviously right to ditch the dummy as issy slept through the night for the first time. If I miss Riley's sleep cues all hell breaks loose, we are still using a dummy and even that isn't enough to settle him sometimes.
You are more confident than me for going to a baby group in the first place, I just don't feel able to walk in and chat to other mums for fear of being judged and from everything I've read on here that frequently happens.
I'm 22 and look my age so I found myself a little isolated at baby massage, their attitudes changed a little when they found out I was married but it really put me off. Its such a shame.
Is there a better baby group you could go to? I feel really lucky and have found two groups (one babies and one including toddlers) and there's a variety of mothers there. Some BF, some FF, all different ages and nationalities and it just goes to show how different each baby is and that there is no one right way to raise them. They've also been very supportive of my decision to wean LO at 19 weeks.
Try not to let them get to you.
C x
P.S. Having read that back, there's no intention to gloat about the groups, it was to indicate that good ones do exist.