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O/T so anxious and stressed. updated
Sorry to offload on here but I think my husband is sick of hearing it now!
Some of you may remember a post I wrote about my sister a while back and her neediness and the illness she has been going through (which she has an operation for next week, yay) http://www.babyexpert.com/chatroom/topic/184154
Anyway, she has a 6 year daughter and her ex very rarely sees her and does not pay child support. He has a new GF and had another daughter last year. A year ago he promised to pay ??20 a week but he start the payments never did. A couple of week ago she wrote to him asking him to start the payments and he rang her up screaming abuse down the phone, left her nasty voicemail messages and his Gf text her nasty messages and wrote nasty things about her on FB. She then went to the CSA who asked him for twice what she originally asked for and it all kicked off again. They then sent her a hugely patronising letter saying they would not pay what the CSA and would be prepared to go to court but would pay the ??80 a month providing she accepted that she could be doing more to support her daughter as she hasn't worked since having her, that she signed an agreement not to ask them for anymore money and that she documented monthly how she spent the money so they could check it went on her daughter. She wrote a letter back agreeing to the reduced payments but that she would only sign an agreement to say that they would review the payments twice a year and would not document how she spent the money as the CSA does not require it therefore she would not be agreeing to it as part of their private agreement. Cue another major kick off, abusive messages and nasty comments on FB but they have agreed to pay the money.
the thing is, my sister can be very high maintenence and its really taken a toll on my family. I receive daily texts about how upset she is - usually she says she's collapsed from crying so much, she's fearful of heading for a breakdown, feels crap awful etc. I get phone calls from her sobbing down the phone and when i see her she just talks over and over about it, rehashing the same conversation repeatedly until i get irritable and snap at her. And she just seems to be getting worse... yesterday i spoke to her on MSN (its terrible but i cant face phoning her sometimes) and halfway through the conversation she decided it wasnt be talking to her, that someone had logged into my account and was impersonating me. She made me text her and tell her something about herself for her to believe it was me. I've started not being able to sleep because im worried all the time, i worry about her bumping into her exes GF and things kicking off between them and how she will cope if that happens (we live in a small town) and i worry that she'll do something stupid as she tried to kill herself a few years ago. My poor mum has it worse than me and has had to take her phone off the hook just to get a few hours respite. I've taken to taking Kalms and Rescue Remedy after i speak to her and to help me sleep at night as I just cant switch off from it. Ive told her she needs counselling but she wont go.
I dont expect any of you to have the magic answer but needed to get it off my chest. I feel so mixed up because I love her and I feel she's been treated badly but im also angry and resentful of her for what she's putting my mum and neice through and just drained and exhausted by her neediness too. It just feels too much and i dont know which way to turn.
I will probably delete this soon as her paranoia has rubbed off on me a bit and im worried that his ex or exes GF might somehow read this and it would make things worse for her but in the meantime ARGH! xx
*UPDATE* Thank you for your support. Just to let you know that my sister has her operation today to try and save her remaining ovary and hopefully stop the pain that she is in. She has agreed to try counselling to try and help her deal with her paranoia and reaction to situations. My HV has diagnosed me with PND which really upset me as I felt it was a reflection on me as a mum even though my depression is not related to Isobel and i dont feel detached from her in any way. My HV is brilliant and talked with me for an hour and a half and then spoke to my GP on my behalf. Ive started on some anti-depressants to help combat my anxiety and will just see how it goes xx
[Modified by: Pumpkin Pie on 10 September 2010 13:02:27 ]
Some of you may remember a post I wrote about my sister a while back and her neediness and the illness she has been going through (which she has an operation for next week, yay) http://www.babyexpert.com/chatroom/topic/184154
Anyway, she has a 6 year daughter and her ex very rarely sees her and does not pay child support. He has a new GF and had another daughter last year. A year ago he promised to pay ??20 a week but he start the payments never did. A couple of week ago she wrote to him asking him to start the payments and he rang her up screaming abuse down the phone, left her nasty voicemail messages and his Gf text her nasty messages and wrote nasty things about her on FB. She then went to the CSA who asked him for twice what she originally asked for and it all kicked off again. They then sent her a hugely patronising letter saying they would not pay what the CSA and would be prepared to go to court but would pay the ??80 a month providing she accepted that she could be doing more to support her daughter as she hasn't worked since having her, that she signed an agreement not to ask them for anymore money and that she documented monthly how she spent the money so they could check it went on her daughter. She wrote a letter back agreeing to the reduced payments but that she would only sign an agreement to say that they would review the payments twice a year and would not document how she spent the money as the CSA does not require it therefore she would not be agreeing to it as part of their private agreement. Cue another major kick off, abusive messages and nasty comments on FB but they have agreed to pay the money.
the thing is, my sister can be very high maintenence and its really taken a toll on my family. I receive daily texts about how upset she is - usually she says she's collapsed from crying so much, she's fearful of heading for a breakdown, feels crap awful etc. I get phone calls from her sobbing down the phone and when i see her she just talks over and over about it, rehashing the same conversation repeatedly until i get irritable and snap at her. And she just seems to be getting worse... yesterday i spoke to her on MSN (its terrible but i cant face phoning her sometimes) and halfway through the conversation she decided it wasnt be talking to her, that someone had logged into my account and was impersonating me. She made me text her and tell her something about herself for her to believe it was me. I've started not being able to sleep because im worried all the time, i worry about her bumping into her exes GF and things kicking off between them and how she will cope if that happens (we live in a small town) and i worry that she'll do something stupid as she tried to kill herself a few years ago. My poor mum has it worse than me and has had to take her phone off the hook just to get a few hours respite. I've taken to taking Kalms and Rescue Remedy after i speak to her and to help me sleep at night as I just cant switch off from it. Ive told her she needs counselling but she wont go.
I dont expect any of you to have the magic answer but needed to get it off my chest. I feel so mixed up because I love her and I feel she's been treated badly but im also angry and resentful of her for what she's putting my mum and neice through and just drained and exhausted by her neediness too. It just feels too much and i dont know which way to turn.
I will probably delete this soon as her paranoia has rubbed off on me a bit and im worried that his ex or exes GF might somehow read this and it would make things worse for her but in the meantime ARGH! xx
*UPDATE* Thank you for your support. Just to let you know that my sister has her operation today to try and save her remaining ovary and hopefully stop the pain that she is in. She has agreed to try counselling to try and help her deal with her paranoia and reaction to situations. My HV has diagnosed me with PND which really upset me as I felt it was a reflection on me as a mum even though my depression is not related to Isobel and i dont feel detached from her in any way. My HV is brilliant and talked with me for an hour and a half and then spoke to my GP on my behalf. Ive started on some anti-depressants to help combat my anxiety and will just see how it goes xx
[Modified by: Pumpkin Pie on 10 September 2010 13:02:27 ]
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Replies
I agree with you that she needs councilling as she sounds super paranoid! I feel for her with the maintenance issue although saras dad is a bit more helpfull than they sound he doesn't give a regular amount and hardly ever anything at all.
I hope she decides to see done one for yours, your moms and her daughters sales if not her own!!
Xxx
Big hugs
As for the supposed pnd, it's crap that it is labeled that, it should be called situational depression!!! Dont worry about that too much as we know how great you are with izzy just from how you speak of her etc. I hope the tablets help and just keep talking to who you feel you want to and keep opening up and you'll soon be through this rough time! X
xxx