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Can't stop thinking about DD's birth & my recovery
Hi ladies
Does anyone else keep thinking back to their LO's birth?? I can't stop thinking about it, but not in a good way (apart from getting DD at the end).
I think it's still playing on my mind because I've got my post-birth operation coming up (pre op assesment next week, op itself within the next couple of months).
I'm really starting to freak out about my op, but more so the recovery of it. I keep thinking "what if I have to re-live all that horrid pain again for weeks/months on end?" and "what if I'll NEVER be right down there again?"
But on top of all that I keep going over Ava's birth, obviously I'm thrilled she was ok but considering it wasn't a great labour on paper:
14 days over, induction (2 days and 2 inductions), back to back labour, head coming out wrong angle, forceps delivery after failed ventouse, and then her shoulder got stuck
Plus DH told me, a few weeks after, that she was blue when she came out and they had to get her going. I don't remember this at all, I was out of it as I lost a LOT of blood so had to be quickly stitched up.
I can't stop thinking "omg what if we'd lost her?"
I don't know what I'm trying to say, or ask really. I'm struggling to move past it.
A while ago I was informed I could speak with a consultant at the hospital to talk about the birth in great detail, and also to talk about any future births.
I DO think I need to do this, but I actually feel stupid that I'm still bothered by it nearly a year on.
Does anyone else keep thinking back to their LO's birth?? I can't stop thinking about it, but not in a good way (apart from getting DD at the end).
I think it's still playing on my mind because I've got my post-birth operation coming up (pre op assesment next week, op itself within the next couple of months).
I'm really starting to freak out about my op, but more so the recovery of it. I keep thinking "what if I have to re-live all that horrid pain again for weeks/months on end?" and "what if I'll NEVER be right down there again?"
But on top of all that I keep going over Ava's birth, obviously I'm thrilled she was ok but considering it wasn't a great labour on paper:
14 days over, induction (2 days and 2 inductions), back to back labour, head coming out wrong angle, forceps delivery after failed ventouse, and then her shoulder got stuck
Plus DH told me, a few weeks after, that she was blue when she came out and they had to get her going. I don't remember this at all, I was out of it as I lost a LOT of blood so had to be quickly stitched up.
I can't stop thinking "omg what if we'd lost her?"
I don't know what I'm trying to say, or ask really. I'm struggling to move past it.
A while ago I was informed I could speak with a consultant at the hospital to talk about the birth in great detail, and also to talk about any future births.
I DO think I need to do this, but I actually feel stupid that I'm still bothered by it nearly a year on.
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Replies
I had a textbook labour waters broke at midnight had no pain relief at all and laboured in the birthing pool, got out to push and managed really well and Grace was born at 10:16. Then it all went wrong, i had a retained placenta and they tried to remove it manually (incredibly painfull!!!) but i was loosing blood to quickly it was just pumping from me, they rushed me to theatre and i was given a general anaesthetic, the next thing i knew i woke up ventilated in intensive care where i spent the first 2 days of my daughters life. I lost 5litres of blood and had a blood level of 2.4. I also ended up with 3rd degree tare.
Not a day goes by where i dont think about it and i still feel panicky (sp) and suffer with nightmares to the point where it is stopping me having anymore children.
I was also offered to speak to someone about my birth but at the time i refused as i thought i was coping but as time goes on i do wonder if i should?
It must have been so scary for you but try not to think of what ifs. Your not stupid at all still being bothered a year on it was a really traumatic time for you and your OH.
Why dont you chat to your GP or HV and im sure they can refer you back to the hospital.
Im sorry you have been through this and thank you for posting this as it has also made me realise that its ok to still be feeling traumatised.
Sorry i have gone on so much but it was actually good to get it all out and its the first time i have written any of my birth details down!!!
MicMic and Grace
xx
If the hospital offer someone to talk to about the labour then it might be good for you to see them. The experience must have been scary for you and these things can take time to heal but sometimes need someone elses help to heal properly.
Please don't feel that you are wrong to still feel this way because your not you are completely normal.
I do think back to the birth of ds, but mainly in a sad way as I ended up with a c section and feel that I missed out on the "birthing experience" and that initial bond. I didn't skin to skin for over an hour and I was so out of it on drugs that I can hardly remember any of it. I can't even remember what it felt like to hold him for the first time.
My hospital also does a birth "after thoughts" service and it was made clear to us that we can use this service whenever we want, even if it's years and years after the birth. I think it's often after some time that mums (and Dads) can feel the need to go through their experience, so don't worry about using that service. A situation like yours is just what it's there for
Good luck with the op. I hope it goes well.
WW xXx
I have my second post birth meeting in a couple of months once the hospital has gathered all my notes in one place. Found out last week though that even before i was transferred for delivery, I was on the verge on my organs starting to shut down. Scary stuff. I was in tears at the meeting last week when talking about going into the High Dependancy Unit and was emotional all day after. Feel a weight has lifted already though.
Definately worth going and reviewing everything with someone who is in a position to answer any questions you might have.
Dont feel stupid at all, i'm sure after all the trauma you went through its only natural to keep reliving it.
I had an easy labour and birth but it took them 2 hours to stitch me back up which was more painful than the labour itself. I worry about this alot with my next one but i guess i've just got to suck it and see! I think if your hospital still offer the service then it is definately somethign to consider. You have a beautiful daughter at the end of it but dont suffer in silence.
Cant really compare but i still have nightmares about my accident with my leg 2 years on. So i'm sure what you went through it totally normal.
Big hugs xxx
By the end of our week there, his poor little hands and feet were BLACK (and I don't just mean bruised, I mean that they then couldn't find any veins left intact and had to take blood from between his knuckles!) They had absolutely no experience of treating a 2 day old baby and even less of treating his mum!
I still get very very upset about this experience and would love to talk it over with someone and I know that my hubby feels exactly the same way but like you, I feel a bit daft for still fretting about it a year on, especially as Ollie is absolutely fine!
Hun, if you are offered the counselling, definitely go for it- it can only help at the end of the day can't it??! Big hugs and sloppy kisses to you and A xxx
now that im due baby number 2 i am constantly thinking about giving birth again.. i can actually feel it all over again and im actually shitting myself more than i was first time round!!
bert 666, phoebe had really bad jaundiced but as it kicked in 3 days after we left hosptial they just let it take its course and we didnt recieve treatment, although we did go through the heel prick tests over and over again, her feet were purple
If you have the chance to talk your LO's birth over with someone I would go for it, and there's nothing to feel silly about, at the end of the day if it helps you to understand what went wrong and move on then it would be worth it.
Like Bert, i would say i had a the almost perfect labour and birth but when moved up to the post natal ward this rapidly changed, I so wanted to breast feed and I started well in the delivery suite but when moved i was left to get on with it and really struggled to get her to latch on properly which left one very hungery baby and one very sore and tearful mummy.
Hope you get the answers your looking for
Big Hugs
Christine xx
I'm going to get my operation done to repair my episiotomy and then I'm going to speak to the consultant to discuss things. We'd like to TTC next summer time so I need to get things sorted and for me to feel ok about it first xx
ooh, i forgot to ask, how is the new house?!
ooh, i forgot to ask, how is the new house?!
It's wonderful thanks Hun
How's the pregnancy going? x
soooo, pics of new house??!! it sounded wonderful when you talked about it!!
Hmm, I don't think putting photos of my house on a public forum is a good idea chick
I think bad births are far more common than we realise, I didn't realise what a tough time some of us ladies went through.
I discovered a moderate vaginal prolapse last week, I was devastated, that was due to AJ's traumatic birth, big baby, big head, back to back, forceps and manual removal of placenta. Basically they can't do much for me, surgery would help but its not a forever fix and pointless to have before another labour and as we want 1 more its best to wait. I'm now in constant discomfort and that gets me down but I have to cope with it. Doing some research on the internet there are options to help temporarily so might try them.
Big Hugs, you aren't alone lovely lady and keep talking about it as thats good, don't suffer in silence xxxxx