Feeling overwhelmed

x-plumduff-x · Nov 20, 2010 8:15AM

Evening ladies just need to offload a bit as the title suggests it feels like everything is getting on top of me at the moment.

I'll start with the breastfeeding issues- when I was pregnant I kept saying that I was going to give it a go but if it didn't work out for whatever reason I wasn't going to be made to feel guilty about it. Well we didn't get off to the best start, it's been so painful and anyone I've asked for help have said it's normal and it'll pass. It got to the point where it was getting too much so we started to mix feed. Today I went to see a breastfeeding councillor who was lovely and sat with me while I tried to feed him and she told me he wasn't opening his mouth wide enough which was causing the pain. I tried to feed him at home twice since then and almost ended up in tears both times because no matter what I did I just couldn't get him to open wide enough. So now I am considering ff completely but feel awful because I know bm is best for him.

Also feel like I need to be doing more in terms of the housework and my uni stuff- I did manage to do a few hundred words on one of my essays yesterday while my mum took LO out for a long walk but most of that time I spent staring into space not having a clue what to write. I think its because DH is back at work I feel that we should be back to some degree of normality.

Suppose the main one is I keep questioning and doubting myself as a mum- I keep worrying that I'm not doing enough with him, haven't got into a routine yet, the fact he feeds every 2 hours day and night despite trying to feed him more during the day, wondering if I'm bathing/ changing him enough, that I pick him up too soon when he cries so making a rod for my own back in getting him to self settle. This is among other things.

I know most of these are perfectly normal worries they're just all a bit too much tonight. I also know i'm expecting a bit much of myself but I keep forgetting it's only been 3 weeks- reckon it feels longer because all the days and nights have blurred into one!

Snugglenush · Nov 17, 2010 7:25PM

hi sweety. Cant write a v long reply as on my mobile but just wanted to give you some reassurance! Like you said these are all normal worries and concerns and it is normal to feel like that especially now oh is back at work. Well done for managing a few hundred words of ur uni stuff i feel like iv got nothing done at all in last few weeks lol. Trying to apply 4 jobs but cant find time to fill in forms! With the bf i had same thoughts as u about not feeling guilty but i did and you feel guilty because u are a good mum! You just have 2 do what feels right for you and that will be right for baby. Have you spoken to your oh about how you feeling. He might be able to give you some reassurance. You are doing a really great job plumduff so jus keep it up and take it slow. Hope u feeling better soon xxx

Snugglenush · Nov 17, 2010 7:27PM

lol i said i wasnt going to write a long reply! Hope it makes some sense haha xxx

xximpatientxx · Nov 18, 2010 4:56AM

Hi hun, sorry you are having such a rubbish time just now. What you are saying was very much like my first few weeks with DD and she is now approaching 8 weeks. I also had a terrible time with breast feeding - dd would suckle for 2 hours out of every 3 and her hour off the breast, she would not settle because she was hungry. Unfortunately I wasn't making enough milk and she continued to lose weight, become drowsy and worsening jaundice and ended up in neonatal at 10 days old. I felt absolutely awful that I wasn't producing enough food for my baby - so that's the first thing you should be proud of - you LO is obviously getting enough from you and is doing well. You've also managed to give him the first 2 weeks which contains all the antibodies etc so well done for that. I was also told that lo was not opening mouth wide enough and that it would be helpful if someone could pull her chin down whilst i was trying to latch her on! Where do I find this person every 2-3 hours! I was absolutely exhausted and sore and was not getting to know my baby as I was constantly feeding. I didn't even bath her for the first 10 days! Because she was so unwell, I didn't really have a choice as to giving formula as although 'breast is best', actually in our case food was best! I tried expressing for the next few weeks to combine with FF but my milk dried up quickly and to be honest I had totally lost confidence in BF and DD improved massively 24hours after giving first bottle. SHe was like a different baby - slept better, more content and started to put on weight and get rid of jaundice. I was able to catch up on sleep and enjoy getting to know my baby. As for routine, it took a good few weeks for dd to get into a routine and she now feeds roughly every 4 hours with a longer stretch over night but not sleeping through yet. I still dont feel like there is any structure to our day and we dont have set feed times or nap times, I kinda just let her do what she wants, but try to make her go at least 3 hours between feeds by distracting her etc as dont want her snacking. House work comes and goes really! on a good day i'll get stuff done but on a bad day, the house is a tip and hubby comes in from work and kinda looks at me like 'what have you done all day!'. I'm amazed that you have found the time to get some essay written! Its only now at nearly 8 weeks that i'm finding i'm a bit more used to our new life and more confident to feed and change her and throw her in her pram and walk into town etc so you are doing well at 3 weeks! It does get better tho and i guess in some ways it is a case of getting used to the new 'normal'. Little one will find his own routine and if you need to add in some formula then do it! You have given him the best start already and can continue to give him breast milk too. I am all for doing what is best for BOTH of you, as it benefits baby to have a happy mummy who has the energy and time to have quality time with your baby. Oh and I wouldn't worry about feeling you don't do anything with lo at the moment - dd slept and ate for the first few weeks and i would feel guilty about being pleased that she would fall asleep straight after feed as it would give me time to get on with stuff, but babies will do what they want and at 3 weeks, they sleep and eat pretty much - i wnet through a phase of trying to keep her awake for some 'play time' but she would just fall asleep! It is only now that she is getting more interest in playing and lookign around, and the smiles make you melt! Anyway, long winded answer to say, what you describe is totally normal! bubba is only wee and the change you will see in him over the next few weeks is amazing. Just go with the flow just now and do what feels best for you and your baby - you are doing a fabby job!

LittleChickpea · Nov 18, 2010 5:19AM

Dont beat yourself up hun.... There is no shame in moving to ff. Felicity only had bf for 48hrs due to pain, especially with my naughty inverted nipple, pain was intense.
The most important thing right now is a happy baby.. An that cant happen without a happy mummy.. So if the bf isnt for you , you must not feel guilty!
My ds, now 3, had two breast feeds, then ff exclusivly.. Healthiest little boy I know! X x x

MrsBinks · Nov 18, 2010 6:00AM

Like everyone says (and you probably know yourself) this is all very normal. I'm only just starting to feel a little better about things and i'm 2 weeks ahead of you. At 4 weeks I sat in the health visitors office and cried for an hour because I thought I couldn't cope. Like impatient I also did not produce enough milk despite him being on me almost constantly and he lost lots of weight. I was too stubborn and continued till 3 weeks before I started to introduce formula. No one but myself made me feel bad for it, they had all recognised well before this that unfortunately ff was the route we were going to have to take. He is a million times better now since moving to formula. Whilst bm is best for them you need to weigh up your wellbeing against this and do what is right for the both of you. I know the bf militia tend to shoot people down for this but happy mum does equal happy baby. If you want to continue (as I did for so long) then keep seeking out help- I employed a lovely lactation consultant who was well worth the money (even though in the end lack of milk forced me to stop) but even if you don't go down this route the drop in centres/ midwives/ councillors etc are all great

As far as housework/ Uni work goes, give yourself a break. I congratulate myself if I manage to get up and showered etc before midday! Housework is definitely not a priority just yet. I try to do maybe one job around the house each day but that's it. Are you taking a break from Uni at all? If not it's going to be very hard for you so call on all the support possible but I really wouldn't be trying to do too much at this early stage. I can't imagine having to actually use my brain at the moment!

As far as your hubby going back to work goes, it's bloody hard that first week and so easy to feel low and lonely. There's no way though that you should be expecting "normality" just because he's had to go back. Take time to look after yourself and your little one, try not to do too much and any time you need a little bit of support just log on here. I know I get so much support from the lovely ladies here

xxxx

Dugs2b · Nov 18, 2010 7:28AM

Hi hun,

I totally agree with everything the other ladies have said. My little man was on FF from day 3 as he would not latch on at all and I was stressing about him being ill. When at home I tried and tried at every feed and he completely refused so I was expressing for him and mix feeding as well. Jack decided on day 10 that breast milk was not his thing and refused to take it so I stopped breast feeding. You have done so well to manage 3 weeks so don't feel gulity if you move on to formula feeding.

I think it is only natural when you first give birth to feel that you should be doing everything that you did before, and also care for a newborn who is completely dependant on you 24/7.

In reality you can't do both and at the moment your little one and your sanity are more important than housework. Maybe talk with the Uni and see if you can rearrange some deadlines to make things easier.

It is really hard my little man is the same age as your baby I think (born on 26th) and I agree you feel that you should have a routine in place, but it is early days so don't be hard on yourself. I try and see if we can so something as a family away from the house / grandparents on a Saturday just so we feel normal again - even if its just a walk.

Hope you feel better about things soon and honestly try not to worry about the BF v's FF do what is right for you and your baby.

Dugs and Jack 23days x x x

x-plumduff-x · Nov 18, 2010 10:45PM

Thanks ladies knew I could count on you!

Am currently on my 3rd consecutive night where dexter doesn't want to settle after his night feeds (love the iPhone sometimes!) already been trying to settle him for an hour

part of the reason I don't want to give up bf is he seems to settle so much better from it- he just had a 5oz feed and wanted more so topped him up from my boob and he SEEMS to have nodded off. I did try ebf which was fine when he was only having 2.5oz but it takes me over an hour to express just one feed!

I know I need to relax about the housework and uni stuff it's just difficult I always feel I need to be doing something. Uni have been really supportive and I can get some stuff in late but apparently they don't like it if you hand everything in late because they question whether you can cope and it's unlikely they'd let you continue the year so am really trying to get some done! Think I'll email my tutor.

Spoke to dh and he pretty much echoed what you all said, I am lucky because he has shown himself to be a really good dad so far and has no problem helping me out more if I ask. He's booked a week off at the beginning of december so looking forward to that

Time to see if I can get dexter into his cot without him waking up...

moonandstars-88968 · Nov 20, 2010 8:15AM

Just seen this thread! It is so overwhelming sometimes isn't it?! You sound a bit like me - I have such high expectations of myself that I often can't live up to them. I have to learn to cut myself some slack, and I think you do to! You are doing a fab job at being a mum and right now, if there is a layer of dust one inch thick on the ornaments it just doesn't matter, as long as the little one is happy and content, which he is, so don't worry about it!!

Hope you are having a better day today xx

Feeling overwhelmed

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