🚨 Advance warning 🚨 This forum will be closing on 1st May – please see our pinned thread for more information.
Options
Crying.
The baby not me!
Can we have an honest and non-judgemental conversation about crying please? Specifically,how long you leave your baby to cry before picking them up. Let me be a bit more specific:
Liv is four weeks old now. When I put her down for her nap in the afternoon (about 2pm ish) she will make grunting noises for a while, appear to be settling down to sleep, and then let out a single cry which wakes her up a bit. Then she looks like she is about to fall asleep again, and sometimes she actually IS asleep. But then she will get more vocal again and her cries start to join together into a waa waa, although only a couple of waas, and then she will stop, and fall asleep for a couple of minutes, or very very nearly asleep. Then she will start the whole cycle again. This cycle lasts basically the rest of the afternoon, until her next feed, by which time she is so exhausted that she falls asleep straight away after the feed.
My dilemma is: do I leave her to cry through it because I know she is doing it because she is overtired (not in pain or hungry or anything else), or should I pick her up? At the moment I spend my afternoons in a cycle of trying to stick it out, cracking, picking her up, settling her down until she is very nearly asleep, putting her back in her pram, thinking she is settling down, listening to her crying again, and then starting the whole thing over again. At what point do you pick up your baby when they cry - straight away on a single cry or when it becomes a prolonged wail?? Is it ok for a little baby to cry for a few minutes? How long is too long to leave a baby crying?
I know this is an emotive subject, which is why I am struggling so much with what to do. I hate to hear her cry, even those few wails, but on the other hand I can plainly see that if only she could just get over herself she would infact fall asleep, which is what she so desperately needs to do! I feel like I'm caught between a rock and a hard place - if I leave her to cry I worry that she will feel abandoned but if I pick her up the whole cycle repeats itself and she ends up in more of a state because she still isn't asleep, so I feel bad because I'm just making it worse for her not better. And that stupid sush-pat thing so doesn't work. I have tried and tried it but all it does is wind her up even more.
Again, lets have an honest and non-judgemental conversation. I've posted in BIO because we are all so supportive of each other - I know in Baby this sort of thing could provoke a huge argument which is what I don't want to happen - I;m just after some advice and a bit of reassurance, plus some tips from other people in the same situation as me.
Thanks ladies for helping me yet again! xxS
Can we have an honest and non-judgemental conversation about crying please? Specifically,how long you leave your baby to cry before picking them up. Let me be a bit more specific:
Liv is four weeks old now. When I put her down for her nap in the afternoon (about 2pm ish) she will make grunting noises for a while, appear to be settling down to sleep, and then let out a single cry which wakes her up a bit. Then she looks like she is about to fall asleep again, and sometimes she actually IS asleep. But then she will get more vocal again and her cries start to join together into a waa waa, although only a couple of waas, and then she will stop, and fall asleep for a couple of minutes, or very very nearly asleep. Then she will start the whole cycle again. This cycle lasts basically the rest of the afternoon, until her next feed, by which time she is so exhausted that she falls asleep straight away after the feed.
My dilemma is: do I leave her to cry through it because I know she is doing it because she is overtired (not in pain or hungry or anything else), or should I pick her up? At the moment I spend my afternoons in a cycle of trying to stick it out, cracking, picking her up, settling her down until she is very nearly asleep, putting her back in her pram, thinking she is settling down, listening to her crying again, and then starting the whole thing over again. At what point do you pick up your baby when they cry - straight away on a single cry or when it becomes a prolonged wail?? Is it ok for a little baby to cry for a few minutes? How long is too long to leave a baby crying?
I know this is an emotive subject, which is why I am struggling so much with what to do. I hate to hear her cry, even those few wails, but on the other hand I can plainly see that if only she could just get over herself she would infact fall asleep, which is what she so desperately needs to do! I feel like I'm caught between a rock and a hard place - if I leave her to cry I worry that she will feel abandoned but if I pick her up the whole cycle repeats itself and she ends up in more of a state because she still isn't asleep, so I feel bad because I'm just making it worse for her not better. And that stupid sush-pat thing so doesn't work. I have tried and tried it but all it does is wind her up even more.
Again, lets have an honest and non-judgemental conversation. I've posted in BIO because we are all so supportive of each other - I know in Baby this sort of thing could provoke a huge argument which is what I don't want to happen - I;m just after some advice and a bit of reassurance, plus some tips from other people in the same situation as me.
Thanks ladies for helping me yet again! xxS
0
Replies
She was 7 weeks yesterday and when she cries if it's a short whinge/single cry and she stops before I get to her I just leave her. If it is an overtired type cry and she still has her eyes closed I put my hand on her chest or hold her hand to comfort her, she also has a dummy. If that doesn't work and it turns into a real cry I pick her up, if the only place she will sleep is on my chest then I am happy to have the cuddles with her. Everyone keeps telling me you can't spoil them with love. I don't put her in her crib during the day by the way. It's usually the bouncy chair, pram, sofa or someones arms yet after her last feed at night I put her down in her crib awake and she goes off by herself. I've just this week started using her swing too.
Just read your previous post too about the book and I've not tried any, Isabelle found her own little routine a couple of weeks ago. She's really consistent with her feeding, still every 2 hours during the day (she's BF, not sure if that makes too much difference TBH) but will go 6 hours in the night, then she has a bum change and feed and I put her back in her crib and she coo's and wriggles for about 40mins before going to sleep for another 3-4 hours.
Do what feels right for you. If you want to pick her up and give her cuddles then do it. No one can tell you that your way is wrong, if it feels right for you then it is. x
[Modified by: Beth+Beanie on November 20, 2010 07:16 PM]
I am just going to second what Beth said - go with what you think! There will come a time when she won't need you to help and you'll probably miss it hehe.
dont want to start an argument but babies dont cry for no reason - when they cry a stress chemical is released in their brain and if left to build up it begins to feel like proper pain to the child. if u dont soothe and help the baby deal with the stress(repeatedly) it can create problems later in life such as depression and anxiety. the only reason a baby will stop crying if being left, is because they will give up hope and will no doubt be exhuasted from all the scary emotions they are feeling. babies need help coping with these feelings xx
On the occasion that i have tried to leave her for a bit it has only been for a matter of minutes.
While he sleeps he stirs as if hes about to cry sometimes and i go to his moses and hes asleep. Its difficult to know when hes nearly ready for a feed. Anyone elses lo do that? xx