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Your feelings about the birth, esp ones that weren't to plan.
Hi ladies, as the long title says really, was just wondering how everyone is feeling in regards to their birth experiences, 5 or 6 months on? I was really traumatised about my em forceps delivery and various other things like lo needing to be helped to breathe, (we thought she was dead as she looked like a waxwork), having no skin to skin whatsoever as they took her & hubby away, left me in recovery for half an hour & then next time I saw her, she was fully dressed in a cot & I felt I had to ask someone's permission to get her out/do anything with her, and quite a few other labour related things and long postnatal recovery time.
Anyway, I have now arranged a meeting with a consultant to discuss it all as I think it would help me and also, I want more babies! I came out of this thinking I could never ever do it again, but mother nature isn't stupid and I'm now forgetting the full trauma and thinking about more in the future.
I've also requested a copy of my notes, (they were not very helpful and are charging me fifty quid for them!!!
), so I can try and understand what happened to give myself reassurance for any future pregnancies.
So, long rambly post in a nutshell; "how are you all feeling about your birth experiences, and those of you that had a traumatic time, do you feel like you're mentally recovered from it, do you feel like it's put you off having any more, or has mother nature worked her magic and helped you forget?"
Anyway, I have now arranged a meeting with a consultant to discuss it all as I think it would help me and also, I want more babies! I came out of this thinking I could never ever do it again, but mother nature isn't stupid and I'm now forgetting the full trauma and thinking about more in the future.
I've also requested a copy of my notes, (they were not very helpful and are charging me fifty quid for them!!!
), so I can try and understand what happened to give myself reassurance for any future pregnancies. So, long rambly post in a nutshell; "how are you all feeling about your birth experiences, and those of you that had a traumatic time, do you feel like you're mentally recovered from it, do you feel like it's put you off having any more, or has mother nature worked her magic and helped you forget?"
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In a nutshell i still feel rubbish about my birth experience which is why i didnt write a birth story. I have never voiced this before to anyone other than my husband and amazing HV, but i hatetd Biba when she was born and i didnt want her anywhere near me - i blame this entirely on the fact that i had an EMCS instead of the bith centre water birth that i wanted. I didnt get the whole pushing a baby out and getting those sudden rush of love hormones, just someone suddenly waving a baby at me over a screen. I didnt get skin to skin either, she was placed on me already wrapped for a couple of minutes before she had to go to OH whilst they sorted me out from surgery. This was recently compounded bu the fact that my best friend and SIL both had natural births and have immediate and unconditional love for their babies - this has though in some ways helped me to understand the reason i felt why i did - although i did walk a close line to PND for a couple of months, not assisted by my already well documented traumas with BF'ing.
My OH has only recently opened up to me about his feelings about the birth and he still feels traumatised by it too, having suddenly to deal with a whole room of people descend hooking me up to monitors and drips, listening to our babies rapidly dissapearing heartbeat wondering if one or both of us wouldnt make it. At one point i remember asking for him to hold my hand but all they could do was have him in my eyeline as there was so much that had to be done for me.
I do love Biba now more than anything in the world although it took a number of months to get there. Neither of us want to go through anything like that ever again so Biba will be an only child. A number of friends and family have justhad babies and more are on their way in the coming months so am hoping that the number of friends and cousins that she will have will make up for a lack of siblings.
I dont think mother nature has touched me at all and it's still very fresh and emotional in my mind, even though i anm dealing with it much better now xx
My hubby was also traumatised by it as they kept him in a room away fromme while they sorted out the spinal. My friend's due in 4 weeks and I'm so scared for her and desperately want her to have a lovely positive experience. It's been hard as I haven't been able to talk about the full horror of it with her as she's pregnant and I haven't wanted to scare her. Are you going to take any other steps to come to terms with it do you think?
It wasnt an easy decision to make to have Biba an only child as before all this i wanted 3 children, but i cant do it again.
I dont think i will do anything further, I do understand what happened and why as i had time to discuss it with my midwife at length at the time - i do think it's good that they offer that sort of service though, even if you do have to pay for it.
I really hope that you get the understanding that you need from the visit with the consultant and you feel able to have another child soon xxx
I never had skin2skin either and Bella was trussed up like a turkey with a stupid hat on within 5 mins of being born. Totally against what i wanted. It was only when my hubby asked if he could hold his daughter did they finish fussing with her and pass her over to him...i too felt like i was 'asking permission' to hold my own baby!!
I know i asked for an epidural and this was the chance i took but there was noway i could have kept going for so long with such irregular and painful contractions (i was given synto to regulate them and turn B...which she eventually did).
It was my aftercare i was most p***ed off about...the old crow midwife was trying to ram Bella onto my nipple when she was crying and when i said 'look, come back when she's calmer' she threatened me with 'if she doesn't feed, she's having a bottle'!! Luckily i had my mum with me who helped B latch on. That night then, when i had a catheter, stitches (that later broke down and i needed laser therapy) and was exhausted...i didn't see ONE midwife or maternity assistant to help me! I could have starved B and left her in a soaking nappy and they wouldn't have noticed til 10am the next day!!!
It won't stop me having another...i'll just go to another hospital but it makes me angry that women receive that level of care.
5 and a half months on and i can finally start watching OBEM again...took me a while!!
SF xxx
Now he did end up a c-section after his heart rate would not go up and I kept passing out. Found this traumatic due to the suddenness of it all, although I had been in labour and when I got to hospital I was 4cm dilated in a few hours of arriving I was having my baby. I didn't see him though for about 2 hours as I was knocked out due to the rush.
So in neither case did I get the natural birth with skin to skin contact straight after. I believe that if the staff had not been so good I would of felt more traumatised by both experiences but other than 1 mw they were all brilliant.
My husband and I have discussed more but have agreed to wait for a longer gap this time as it's tiring with 2 little ones I'm not sure I could cope with 3
I'm afraid it's the pregnancies that I hate the most
I'm really sorry to hear it's effected some of you ladies so badly but I do recommended talking to someone about it, my friend did and has said that's made all the difference. I do hope for those of you having more that the next is a positive experience.
After 33 hours of labour and only 7cm dilated both mine and babies heartbeat was dropping.
The room suddenly filled with people and i was told that this baby needs to come out fast.
I signed a consent form (not sure what for) and told that they would try to deliver using ventose.
I remember the midwife kept telling me to push if i felt i needed to. I never felt that urge to push - no wonder being only 7cm dilated!!!
At the next contraction baby was sucked out whilst they cut me!
I never got skin to skin as he needed help to breathe and at the same time I started to loose lots of blood and was rushed to surgery.
I'll never forget the look on my hubbies face...he was white as a sheet...baby whisked off in one direction, me in another!
I was in hospital for 1 week...i needed a blood transfusion and due to the severity of the 3 degree cut, they had cut into my bowel and needed that repairing too!
All in all it was horendous but i love my son to bits.
We have talked about another one but if we do i will have an EC.
Thanks fairyxdust for this post...i think it has helped to talk (type) about it
xx
That said - I can't stop thinking about it. I still reply it all in my mind constantly And I sooo wish I had asked to speak to someone about my birth as I want to understand why it happened. Was it normal that after 3 days I was only 1cm dilated? Did I end up with emcs because of my body or becuase of the baby?
OH was pretty traumatised by it all - he said it was just awful seeing me attached to all those machines etc. and then being sent home only an hour after lOgan was born!! I definitely don't think it was a positive expereicne for him at all.
I definitely want more children - but I am more frightened now about it than I was before!
Tyler was 2 weeks overdue and my induction was cancelled due to the ward being busy but I was asked to go for a ctg where basically they discovered I was in early labour (i hadnt even realised, thank god we went in as we were pondering giving it a miss!!) and that Tyler's heartbeat kept dipping with every contraction. They admitted me to the ward where they started the induction....to be honest its a bit of a blur once the gas and air and finally the epidural kicked in but basically I was admitted at about 5.30pm on the 25th October and hooked up to the ctg where they continued to monitor us both. This dragged on right through to the early hours till Tyler was born at 3.59am on the 26th. We found it quite traumatic at the time, not knowing exactly what was going on...kinda feel now that they p*ssed about trying to decide whether to continue with the induction or to go for the section.
Now my hubby and I are trying to decide whether or not to try for another and im in 2 minds. Im thinking if we were to try again we would request a planned section but im not sure if I would get it or not.
Mine was very straight forward. I was booked in for a planned section as Aaron was the lower twin and he was breech, got taken in at 9am as they booked me in first due it being a twin birth. The first midwife that came to see to me was the midwife who delivered our little boy Ewan a year earlier, which knocked us a little. It was lovely seeing her, but she didn't realise it was me she was booked to deal with so she had to swap with another midwife. They did it for our own good!!
Anyway, by 9.40 i was on the table and within 10 minutes my 2 gorgeous boys we bought into the world. All i wanted to hear were the boys crying and as soon as Aaron let out his first wail both mine and OH's eyes filled with tears. Then Riley was pulled out and started crying straight away. Both boys were given to my OH to hold once they were checked over and i took their 1st photo while lying on the table. Once i was stitched up i was taken through to recovery where both my naked boys were placed on my chest. It was a bit of a struggle as i was shaking so much, must have been the anaesthetic. But it was love at first sight and i don't regret having a section.
The boys were delivered a year to the day we were told Ewan had died in the womb last year, quite weird but so happy to have something to celebrate on that day xx
I had planned a homebirth, but ended up in hospital with an epidural and forceps delivery - totally NOT what I had wanted to happen.
However we made the best decisions we could based on what was unfolding before us. Although I was terrified of having the epi I knew it was the best choice for the baby as I was 8 cm at the point and pethadine would have passed into her blood stream.
I didn't have skin to skin at first cos they wanted to wrap Liv up as it was so cold in the theatre, and anyhow I was shaking so much from the drugs that I was afraid I would drop her! But once back in the delivery room I had about three hours of skin to skin.
I think what made all the difference for me was having an independent midwife who was with us all the way through - she even came into theatre with me instead of hubby as he knew it was too much for him. She acted as an advocate for us and Im sure that the other midwives were more respectful of me because she was there watching them!
Although the experience was actually very positive (in a weird way)I know that I lucked out in that the epidural guy was so lovely and the forceps guy was very skilled. Plus all the midwives I had were super (apart from the stupid breast feeding support woman, what a cow). I'm very concious that I may not be so lucky second time round.
And although I do see it as a positive experience, I have NOT forgotten how hideous it was and now when I see a pregnant lady I feel physically sick! So for that and a number of other reasons I doubt very much that I will have another. At least not for another four years!!!!!!!!
And postpartum was nothing like I expected. It really took a while to come around. I remember passing a huge bloodclot at home and my heart started racing. I called for my husband...sure I was about to hemorrhage and die.
but I am equally afraid of something happening while I am pregnant. I was lucky...we conceived on our first try, this was my first pregnancy, and we delivered a healthy child at the due date. What if things didn't go so well with the pregnancy next time around? I am very frightened of that. And yes, of course, now I know so much more about what can go wrong during delivery. In fact, two women have recently died giving birth at the same hospital I went to. I didn't worry about that at all the first time.
But I would love to have two children, and I would like them to be close in age. I'm just taking it day by day right now and trying to get myself back into shape incase we decide to go for it after the year is up.
Thanks to everyone for sharing your stories. Reading them is helping me to sort this all out.
As a lot of you have already said, writing it all down helps, so I'm having a go. This is my birth story and also a brief (hopefully) account of the problems that followed.
Logan was 11 days overdue when I went in to be induced. Had a sweep and cevix was nowhere near ready so had pessary put in and was told they'd see me at the same time tomorrow because they didn't think it would work due to how high and hard the cervix was. (nice thing to tell an apprehensive first time mum). Anyway, low and behold, waters went at 3.30am but were full of meconium. I was told to go in and was evetually examined at 5.30am after being on the ctg for what felt like hours. Thankfully I was 3cm and contractions were appearing as they expected. I would then be examined when the new shift came in.
Laura, my wonderful midwife came in at 8.30am and checked again and checked again, just as the contractions were picking up. 5cm!! Yay at least I was going in the right direction. We all had a bet on when the baby arrive. DH reckoned 12pm, I said 1pm and Laura said between 12.30 and 1. Started with the gas and air and took each contraction as one step closer to meeting my baby.
Got to approx 12pm and felt the need to push so was told to do so (wasn't checked to see if I was fully dilated or not). I pushed and pushed and pushed with everything I had but Logan just wouldn't come down. I couldn't get his head out. I was then told I needed an episiotomy which frightened the life out of me. The one thing in my birth plan I was adamant I wouldn't have. But at the time all I wanted was my baby out as they kept losing his heartbeat every time i pushed. I later found out that they weren't so worried as it was the monitor that kept slipping. So I was given the local (which bloody hurt and didn't work properly) and was cut. After 1 push Logan's head was out and then the next push it was all over at 12.58pm.
I was warned while in labour that if baby didn't cry straight away they would need to take him fast to make sure he hadn't swallowed any meconium. He didn't cry straight away (not far off it) so he was taken straight away to be checked. After a few minutes I got the chance to have skin to skin for over an hour which was so special. But I still didn't have that rush of love. I didn't cry. I was happy but I ended up feeling disappointed that I didn't feel how I thought I would.
Anyway, that was the easy bit. Not exactly what I wanted, but I good experience in my eyes.
This where things took a turn.
I was asked to get showered as they needed the labour room, so off I went and as I finished the shower had a massive gush of blood, which felt like my waters going all over again. M/W confirmed that it was all fine. So off we went round to the ward. Parents left after meeting their new grandson. I was given my lunch, but the smell made me feel so sick. I remember lying on the bed thinking, I'm still bleeding then all of a sudden I couldn't move. I buzzed the midwife and asked for some pain killers and by the time she'd left the ward DH buzzed again as I was doubled over and was in total agony. She came back and took 1 look at the sheets and asked how long I'd been lying there (about 20 mins) the next thing I knew there were buzzers going, lights flashing and tons of people round the bed.
I was then whisked along the corridor and into a pre-op room with needles fired into my hands, oxygen mask on and a surgeon pushing on my tummy, to which all I could feel was blood flooding out. She filled a clear bag with clots to have it weighed. All the while DH was standing in the corner of the room with our new baby, so upset. He wasn't allowed near me. I was told we had to go to theatre because my uterus hadn't contracted properly and therefore was still pumping blood through.
I was taken through and as I passed DH I said "I love you and if I don't make it please look after Logan". I was so frightened I was going to die.
I got to theatre and was about to be put under when I was asked to sign the consent forms and was told "if we have to save your life, we'll have to give you a hysterectomy" which made things 10 times worse because I could always see myself with a big family. I could barely speak, but agreed. I didn't appreciate the severity of what was happening to me.
The next thing I knew I was awake and the m/w who'd delivered Logan was there, my first question was, is everything still there, thankfully it was. I evetually saw my baby boy and DH, but then DH was asked to go as it was late. So after feeding my baby for the first time about 2pm it was now well after 10pm and they'd given him formula.
I had lost 2 litres of blood but wasn't given a transfusion. I was told that it would be difficult for me to breastfeed because I was 24 hours behind his needs, which I was ok with and persevered for 5 days, but my body was taking a while to recover and I decided that being happy was better for me and baby than being miserable trying to bf a baby who knew he was going to be supplemented with formula after 15mins anyway. So I gave up. I felt like I'd missed so much time with him already, I couldn't hold him for 24 hours after the op due to the machines. I just wanted to enjoy my baby.
Anyway, what happened from there on isn't important. I do still constantly think about my labour and birth. I see that part as very positive, but sometimes I can't think any further ahead. I've just bubbled through typing it all out.
I have contemplated finding out what exactly happened and reading the other posts, I'm more tempted now. But I definitely want more children. even though I was told if I'd gone home (they were about to discharge me) then I wouldn't be here today. Which scares me, but also makes me want to get everything I can out of being a mum. I will ask further when I fall pg with the next, whether of not a post partum haemorrage is likely to occur again. I think (because I was never told) that it is more likely under certain circumstances but was told that next time, I will be under a senior m/w to ensure it isn't missed.
Wow, that's a whole lot of waffle, but it has helped. That is my birth story, that I too didn't get round to doing because it hurt too much to think about it.
Thanks ladies, diamonds as always!
Lisa x x
P.S. if you made it to the end, well done!
My birth was pretty straight forward and I feel I can look at it as a positive experience but I wasn't happy with my postnatal care at all. Fair enough i'd had an epidural so I couldn't shower straight away and by the time it had worn off it was the middle of the night but I don't think I got a shower until at least 10am the next day (Dexter was born at 8:01 the night before) and my sheets weren't changed for ages either despite me leaking over them. Couldn't wait to get out of there I just felt disgusting, it was roughly 300 degrees in the ward so I was constantly sweaty, thirsty and sticking to the lovely plastic pillows and mattress - even through the sheets!
I wasn't given much help establishing breastfeeding either, they just shoved my boob in his mouth and disappeared, when I asked for help no one showed up for ages and when they did they didn't get in there if you see what I mean. I don't think you can give effective breastfeeding support from the other end of the bed. Also when I said it was hurting I was told my nipples just needed to toughen up...uh no turned out he never latched on properly so was always in agony. They also told me off for not feeding him regularly (he had to because of his blood sugar levels) but no one told me this originally, and silly me I assumed that he would cry if he wanted feeding which he didn't (still doesn't actually).
Generally I was made to feel like a nuisance, painkillers would take literally hours to appear and even then only after several requests. I was told I would need to ask someone to supervise me to and from the toilet when my epidural wore off which I did, I was huffed at but taken. I finished and opened the door and the woman had buggered off! What would've happened if my legs had gone while I was in the toilet and I hit my head or something?
Still I try not to think about that part and just be glad that the birth itself was relatively stress free and I was fortunate enough to have a healthy baby at the end of it. I'll just be better prepared next time.
Snugglenush, my sister had a similar experience to you, she just didnt dilate, i asked midwife at the time (i was birth partner) if there was a reason for it and she didnt think so, said everyone is different although i was watching dr chris (this morning) a few weeks ago and he said that in some countries they check for a certain type of acid in your amniotic fluid and wether it is present or not determines wether you will dilate, not sure if it true but you would think, if its true, they would check everyone and save a lot of heartache.xxx
Saturday night, watching the x-factor and I thought I had trapped wind, (which was a recurring problem at the end of my pregnancy!!