Dreams

afternoon ladies. Hope you are all ok.



Where to start!! I have messed up dreams anyway, really messed up, so much so I have seen my doctor about them. I can't say I have ever had a 'normal' dream.



So the last 2 nights I have had dreams about the 20 week scan. It was all a bit strange but the first night they told me I was having a boy and my reaction.............what, and he is healthy?

I lost my son last year and it was at 20 weeks we found out he was very poorly. My sister also lost a baby boy, she has 5 daughters and 3 granddaughters and then I lost Cai.



Then last night I had a dream that they told me it was a girl and had a sense of relief. These are really doing my head in because I wake up filled with dread that the 20 week scan is just over 8 weeks ago. I am booked for a scan at 16 weeks but I had one on Cai at 16 weeks and his illness was not there, so in the space of 4 weeks my little man had become so poorly.

I never felt Cai move at all, not one flutter and now I am terrified that I will get to 16 weeks and not feel a thing and this baby will be poorly as well.

I really don't know if I am strong enough to do this. All I can think about is that scan and how the hell I am supposed to cope with waiting for it.



I know I can't change what will be, I tell myself that every day but I am so upset with worry. I just don't know what to do.



You don't need to reply, just needed to get this out. xx