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My MIL is being difficult :-(

Hi guys.

in so confused and upset rite nw that I jst wanted/needed a rant to get out of my system before I burst out crying........well saying that I have been crying most of the weekend, I'm in such a dead end situation.

neways as u all kno (I think) this baby is planned, n my fourth, although my hubby had been bugging me to have another kid for 2 years I kept trying to put it off, first cos of my health issues, second cos my mil came over from Pakistan to permanently settle with us n she's partially dead n blind n doesn't lift a finger to do nething for herself, n thirdly bcos of nt health state n my mil's n then having 3 kids under 7 I never felt like it was the rite time, bt after much persuasion from hubby, n my mum that they'll b there for me n wudnt it b nice to complete my family by having a boy before my illnesses gets worse n blah blah blah I said to my hubby straight that il only b having this baby if hr helps out more, n if my mil goes to stay with one of my three sis in laws in turn to take sum of the burden off, n he said yes, that's no prob.

so my first trimester went quite smoothly cos I had no morning sickness n cos my mil went to Pakistan for 2 months (we found out I was pregnant on Xmas eve) n she came bak end of January n then as soon as she was bak she had a tiff wit one if my sis in laws Ian's despite them asking for her to visit then she never left da house for 6 weeks, so eventually wen it got too much for me I begged my hubby to give me a break n send her, so he did, n she went for 2 weeks n then came bak for 2 weeks, n then went away again cos we were goin on holiday for a week, bt wen we got bak she had become really ill, so stayed at my sis in laws for 3 weeks.......eventually she got better n came bak cos then my sis in law was in her final month n my mil didn't want to burden her nemore (even tho she's a stay at home mum with one kid n a hubby who dotes on her) n the plan was dat as soon as she had her baby n recovers from her c section then my mil wud go to hers cos ill b in my final trimester, n with my health probs n 3 kids n da school run n mosque I wudnt b able to handle the stress of lukin after my mil aswell.......so that was the plan, until my mil said dat she ain't goin newhere......

we asked her y n she said its cos my sis in laws kids (another sis in law wit teenagers treated her badly wen she stayed with them last time, n dat she was better here. She doesn't want to go to my sis in law with the baby nemore cos there's no place for her to sleep (even tho she managed it fine before) n so my sis in law with the teens takes her to hers for the nite n she wants to avoid goin to hers at all costs n my other sis in law (the eldest) well let's just say my mil can't go there cos the my hubby hates her, so nw my mil has persuaded my hubby to let here stay here n nt send her newhere, n I'm like 7 months pregnant now thinking WAT THE HELL HAPPENED?!?!?! I need help, and I need space n def not an elderly person to luk after aswell as my own kids n stuff but now everybody's just accepted my mil's decision n left her to me to luk after, n I jst cnt!!! 

I tried to talk to hubby abt it, abt out "agreement" bt he just won't listen n said he can't do nething if she won't go, n dats dat.......

so guys I need sum advice n help, wat do I do?!?!?!

Replies

  • G/C but the only thing I can suggest is similar to what I had to go through with my own MIL who has Alzheimers.  Effectively the needs of MIL are nigh identical to a toddler/your newborn in that they are a 'dependant' relying on your help (depending on your own MILs condition will determine just how much help).  As such to be able to provide the required level of 'care' for MIL you would like the same 'external' support you will receive for your newborn/toddler - with baby you have MW/HV assigned to check your progress & monitor baby's health & welfare so for your MIL you would like a 'home visit care nurse' to assist with her care/welfare.  The other alternatives are looking at 'day centres' so you get a break from MIL during the day so many times a week or 'care homes' where she can be near to the family but have the care she requires on a more perminant regular basis.

    It's not an easy choice to discuss but it does need to be discussed, you can't be expected to safely look after all your children, newborn baby & MIL 24/7, it isn't practical & you do need help (whichever form it takes).  Best wishes & good luck

  • Thank you. But as Muslims getting "outside help" in any form is seriously looked down upon, which is y I need her own daughters to step up but she won't let then bcos as a typical Pakistani mil she thinks it's upon the daughter in law only to luk after her, which is totally wrong in an Islamic point of view but accepted as a culture......... 

    i took up sum courage last nite with hubby but it only ended up in a slagging the family off match which is wrong bcos he doesn't have to live with my family like I have to live with his mum

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