think i may be depessed i need help!

i really think i might b depressed, we have no money, i cant stop thinkin about my mc's, went thru a laparoscopy the other month that went fine but i just feel like im tipping over the edge and it scares me.

i jhave a jb interview and if i get the job we have to stop ttc, if my af comes on monday then i have to have blood test due to mc's which means i cant ttc for 2 motnhs anyway which really upsets me, makes me not want the tests doing... and the list goes on!

i just wana cry cry cry and feel so alone, OH is at work until 11 2night so im on my own, i have a 13hr shift at work tomoro and REALLY dont want to go but dont want to let them down, how can i ring them and say, im not coming in to work im sad!! i have a tonn of homework to do 4 monday and dont no how i am going to get it all done 2nite.
i hate this so much.

sorry 4 the depressing post i just needed to voice myself, do u think it is silly not 2 go into work 2moro?? be honest xx


  • I really think you should go in tomorrow, it will stop you sitting in all day tomorrow and getting in the same situation, I often find being at works takes my mind off things, I am so much worse about this ttc thing when I am at home on my own, I hardly have time to think about anything when I am at work.

    But if you dont feel up to it then stay home and try to relax.
  • Oh pet I'm so sorry to hear you're having a bad time of it, I am in the same boat as you too, I have had to stop ttc last month and this month as I've had 3 mc's this year, the one in January was the worst as it was a mmc at 11weeks. I am still not over it and my edd is coming up in 5 weeks time. :cry:

    My job too is getting me down aswell - I just hate going in right now, I have a new boss who thinks it's great to make my life a misery, but I do find that when I stay home I feel worse about myself and I feel like I let it all get on top of me and normally I am a strong person so I force myself to go to work and I do feel better for doing it and tbh it really takes my mind off of things for the time I am working.

    My advice pet is to do what you feel you need to - if you need the break tomorrow do it but please don't be at home alone if you don't go in. Make sure your OH is there or a friend or someone - I find the more you shut yourself away the harder it is to get back on track - I hope that makes sense.

    On the ttc front I think our bodies need a break too so taking a month off is probably a good idea - I took off last monh and this month I am being naughty as I am about to OV in the next few days and dh and I are trying again as all my bloods have been drawn and I had the sonohystogram last week, so I figured well by the time I find out if i'm pg I'll have the reuslts back in any case.

    Please feel free to vent at me - I don't have all the answers but know what you're going through :\)

    We have to be strong hun - we will get through this and as terrible the things are that we have been through I am a big believer in 'things happen for a reason' - don't ask me what the reason is but I guess we will find out. Stay strong hun. I'll keep my eye out for you on here if you want to chat :\)

    [Modified by: baby on board on July 03, 2010 08:01 PM]

  • Hi Sally 881
    I agree with 3054 and think you should go in tomorrow but in terms of feeling down, take some time out with OH when you can even if its an hour and do soemthing thats for the two of you as a couple not anything to do with ttc. I think ttc puts huge pressure on us all and then other things get on top of us too. Especially when people around us seem to be getting pregnant just by looking at a bloke and it takes us months, years etc.
    Hope you're ok?
  • thankyou so much for your replies, just reading them has made me cry how stupid is that!!! im not going in to work tomorrow, i just cant face it, i wish i could but the thought make me feel sick, my OH is off all day and i think it is about time i told him whats going on.

    i had 6 weeks of anger management councilling after one of my mc's and that ended about a month ago, i have not been angry for about 8 weeks now but for some reason instead of being angry i am just soooo sad, its like she has got rid of my anger and replaced it with something else.

    af is due monday and i think i am going to go and see my gp and seek some help because i feel like if i dont i will crack up.

    baby on board- im so sorry you have been going through the same as me and wish i could give you some advice but i just dont know what to say, im sorry.

    im going to take my dog for a walk and have some me time for a few mins, maybe the fresh air will do me good.

    [Modified by: sally881 on July 03, 2010 08:16 PM]

  • Hi Sally

    I am sorry that you are going through this. I don't have any experience with MC and am sorry you had to go through that but I have depressions so I thought I comment.

    Personally I think you are right to stay home tomorrow but try to do something outside your home, perhaps some exercise as that releases happy hormones(can't spell their name so not even trying LOL) and also getting out of the house should help you forget about today's upset.

    Talking to your GP can help too, I was very lucky with mine, she didn't try to push me towards medication but advised some changes in my diet as well as plenty of exercise.

    Have a great day with your OH tomorrow
  • Oh pet I'm not after any advice I just want you to know you're not alone.

    You are right in a way about replacing your anger with something else, the counselor has helped you move through the anger stage of grief, and you are working through the stages of grief one step at a time - it is a known fenomenon and it goes like this:

    Depression - this is where you're at hun - "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"
    Acceptance - - "It's going to be okay."

    Everybody works through them in differenet way as and it takes different amounts of time for each person. The stages run in that order and so you are almost through it hun - you will accept the situation soon and only then can you move on.

    I hope it helps you to know you're nearly through it :\)

    I'm glad your oh is there to keep you company tomorrow - talk to him but he may not fully understand, I know my dh didn't and i just told him to listen and support me and that's what he did and it did help.

    Hope you feel yourself again soon hun.
  • elizabeth kubler-ross 5 stages of grief?? i studied that in my university degree but never thought that what i was going thru was grief, now i read it tho maybe i am. we will see what the gp says and hopefully get some help. feeling a little better now i have cried and taken the dog out. i just hate being on my own so much wish he would hurry up and come home!!!

    roll on acceptance and then i can get on with my life, i dont want to stop ttc i really really dont but maybe i have to realise that maybe its what i need.

    take care of yourself too hun and gl for ur sticky bean! xxxxx
  • hiya sally, sorry ur feeling down. i tottally agree with the 5 stages of greif thing. defo go to work as sitting in will only make u feel worse. have lots of cuddles when oh comes home. sorry im not much help, but just wanted to send my love and wish u well xxxxxx
  • thankyou mrs*me* it means a lot that you have all taken time to reply, the support here is fantastic luv 2 u all xxxx
  • i just wanted to add that i had miss c a while ago and never forgot it
    but time makes it easier plus the love of a good man. . I believe your time
    and mine Will come. Children are+a gift from god and you Will get your gift Im sure of it. . I too have been through depression. .if you don't feel up
    to it don't go work. . However sometimes is harder to go back when your off. But if you don't play some music have a dance around. Lol i no it sounds mad but it helps me. Lol. Or do some house hold chores with your i pod on. . Works for me x x lots of love x x
  • i just wanted to add that i had miss c a while ago and never forgot it
    but time makes it easier plus the love of a good man. . I believe your time
    and mine Will come. Children are+a gift from god and you Will get your gift Im sure of it. . I too have been through depression. .if you don't feel up
    to it don't go work. . However sometimes is harder to go back when your off. But if you don't play some music have a dance around. Lol i no it sounds mad but it helps me. Lol. Or do some house hold chores with your i pod on. . Works for me x x lots of love x x
  • Hi hun,

    I thought i was becoming depressed a couple of weeks ago. I cried every night about my mc and felt so lonely, it is such a lonely horrible thing to go through. I've found this harder than the loss of my grand parents tbh and i think it's because the support just isn't there from anyone due to their lack of understanding!

    On Father's day i broke down to my OH and told him i felt very down and he just cuddled me and asked me how i felt about ttc again and we could take everything at my pace. Having an ear to take in all i was saying helped so much, even if he couldn't fully understand how i felt. Since then he's been so good, if someone has a baby around or talks about something that might affect me he makes an excuse and we leave, or he just winks at me and it makes me smile. I couldn't recommend having a cry and getting it all out highly enough!

    Also, a couple of weeks ago the programme "The Wright Stuff" on channel 5 discussed the topic "Is being depressed fashionable" based on celebs like Kerry Katona etc being openly diagnosed with Bipolar etc and a doctor rang in and said people are too quick to diagnose depression and infact quite often it's grief and grief is totally normal!

    It made me think you know what, i'm going through a bloody shitty time, i've lost my baby whilst OH's sister gives birth and the whole family think i should be up there cooing over it whilst OH works away all week and i'm on my own and nobody understands what the hell i'm going through! I'm allowed to feel sad and upset and angry!!

    Don't put too much pressure on yourself to please everyone else. You're very delicate at the minute and that's fine hun. You're allowed to feel these mixed emotions and you're allowed to take the day off work and you're allowed to break down and have a cry to your OH! Don't try and label how you feel hun, it will make you feel worse. Perhaps try and find out if there's a support group in your area so that you can meet actual people who have been through this. Or try and find out if any of the ladies on the mc forums live close enough to offer some support in person. It might help you both!

    I really hope you feel better soon hun, you will come through the other end just don't put too much pressure on yourself and allow yourself time to heal. Lean on the people you have around you. I feel for you hun, i really do because i felt just like this a couple of weeks ago!

    ((((Big Hugs))))
  • thakyou lady that was such a lovely messgae and must of been difficult for you talking about those feelings.

    the misscarrige was about 10 weeks ago now, im not exactley sure when as i ignored and let myself 4get it had happend, i think this is why its come back and bit me in the ass! i tried to ignore it and it got to the point were it had been so many weeks since i lost my baby that i thought if i got upset about it people would think i was silly because to others it seems such a long time ago. for me its not.

    also the fact i lost my baby at 5 and a half weeks, exactley the same time as i lost my other two, one of them being over 2 years ago now, i feel as though people dont see it as a big loss like i do and they say things like ' well at least it happened early' or 'you were so early in your pregnancy that the baby may not of even had a hearbeat'. i no they say these things to try and make you feel a bit better but they hurt so much.

    i dont care how early on i was they were my children and i loved them.

    then things like the money problems we have at the min, which r pretty bad, just top me off and then im useless.

    well done you for gettin though your emotons, i know they are probley still these and sometimes it still hurts but what i mean is that you must have been really strong to go through it when your OH was away in the week. i admire you.
  • I know what you mean about the comments. The amount of times i heard "ahh your young you can try again!" I was like :evil: It makes no difference, that actual baby has gone and so have all the plans we made! We moved house 10 days after the mc and i had to paint on a smile about how great it was, but i couldn't bear to go in the room that we'd envisaged as the nursery. Now it's full of spare boxes :cry:

    And everyone came to visit saying how lucky we were as it was a bargain but i just felt like saying "yeah very lucky me, just lost my baby but hey i've got a nice house so yay!" It doesn't compare. I'd rather have stayed on the 1 bed flat than lose my baby! That's what i mean about people not understanding. If someone had just lost their gran or something you wouldn't say oh well at least you've got your grandad!! So why did they think it acceptable to say we could try again! Won't bring that baby back!

    The week OH was away my mom was on holiday too, and she felt so bad about going so everytime she rang i was all jolly and it used to make me cry how i was the one being jolly for everyone. That's when this site became my savour! The ladies (yourself included) were so understanding and always replied to any rant i had, which was quite a lot!

    I have so much time for ladies like yourself because i know what it's like. I'd take all the time in the world to sit and write a reply which i think may help, just because it helped me so much when i needed it. I worried i was becoming depressed and OH has since admitted he did too. But like i say, you've been through a tough time. You've been through this more than once and your grieving for all of your babies, not just the latest.

    How you feel is totally understandable if people stopped and thought about your situation!

    Lots of love hun
  • morning,
    my and OH had a really good chat lastnight, he told me he knew there was a problem because i hadnt been sleeping but that he was waiting for me to talk to him.

    i had a good cry while he just held me and then we talked and talked.

    he says he thinks i should go see my gp, not for tablets but myabe for more councilling,im am going to phone up in the morning. he is glad i havnt gone work today because he said i looked exhausted, will definatley go in on tuesday tho.

    yes lady your right, the support on this site is amazing and its so comforting to no that you are not alone.
  • Glad you had a chat hun! Definately see your gp, i think it helps to talk to someone, or even write it down. Your gp may know of some support groups or something similar so you can talk to people who really understand!

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