🚨 Advance warning 🚨 This forum will be closing on 1st May – please see our pinned thread for more information.
Options
Anyone Else Feel Like This?
Firstly, I am 36 years old - not a 'kid' by any stretch of the imagination.
Secondly, I had never wanted to start a family before meeting my now fianc????e. Crossed my mind once or twice (or rather floated vaguely over my conciousness) and was firmly pushed back.
We started to talk about starting a family about 2 months ago and I was SO happy and SO sure that was what I wanted - as he's been working away, it's not been 'good' in terms of the timing but we'd stayed positive about the planning and now he's finished his contract and is here with me.
The problem is that I feel I'm not really going to be able to be a good mother to any little one. Not because I have any problems, nor am I not a sensible or caring person.
We got a kitten only yesterday and he hadn't even ventured upstairs, yet I can't even find him. How's that for looking after another vulnerable living entity? Not good, is my conclusion!
So, I may well do what I always do when I have to face 'grown up' decisions and shy away from the whole damn thing.
Anyway - don't need replies, really, and should just delete the post, but gonna leave it as I've typed it now!!
To all of you trying - good luck! To those who have had positive news over the last few days, Congratulations! To me, a big cheers-and-whatever over a vodka and diet coke!!
Secondly, I had never wanted to start a family before meeting my now fianc????e. Crossed my mind once or twice (or rather floated vaguely over my conciousness) and was firmly pushed back.
We started to talk about starting a family about 2 months ago and I was SO happy and SO sure that was what I wanted - as he's been working away, it's not been 'good' in terms of the timing but we'd stayed positive about the planning and now he's finished his contract and is here with me.
The problem is that I feel I'm not really going to be able to be a good mother to any little one. Not because I have any problems, nor am I not a sensible or caring person.
We got a kitten only yesterday and he hadn't even ventured upstairs, yet I can't even find him. How's that for looking after another vulnerable living entity? Not good, is my conclusion!
So, I may well do what I always do when I have to face 'grown up' decisions and shy away from the whole damn thing.
Anyway - don't need replies, really, and should just delete the post, but gonna leave it as I've typed it now!!
To all of you trying - good luck! To those who have had positive news over the last few days, Congratulations! To me, a big cheers-and-whatever over a vodka and diet coke!!
0
Replies
i think im in a similar boat to you....
we've been sort of ttc for a couple of months (although since coming off pill i havent had an af)
im really frustrated that my body isnt working properly, yet if i found out i was pregnant i would be terrified. i dont have this burning desire for children, im not someone who goes gooey at the sight of a baby......in my mind its such a huge change i cant imagine id ever be ready for it.......i still hope it happens as im sure ill be fine...but its a bit if a weird one! some days its a big deal and other days it isnt....
my husband has a lovley daugther whos 3, and its great to have her around, but im exhausted by the time she goes home, the thought of that 24 hours....well i dont know how people cope!
anyway id love to say something profound....but sorry this is me rambling! id say leave it to chance, enjoy practising, and see what happens..... good luck hon, im sure it will all work out for the best - whatever that may be
All the best xxx
Firstly looking after a kitten is not something you can compare your own baby with...honest!!!
When you see your own baby for the 1st time you would happily die for them. You will hear their unique cry in a ward full of other babies and your maternal strings will pull tight no matter how you think you will feel. Ok I know some mums go through PND and feel no bond but that is different to feeling like you wont bond even before you have conceived.
If you are a career woman then you probably feel scared that you will be out of control and not able to cope with a baby. Beleive me you WILL!!
I have 4 and TTC number 5. I am NO earth mother at all. If you saw me with my mates having a boogie or just shopping in town with makeup and heels on you would not beleive I had 4 kids. You can still be YOU and a great mother.
At end of day though if you dont want kids then thats your decision but dont be scared to have one. You will cope. I am same age as you and having kids older is brill. It brings you down to earth with a bump and you enjoy things you had forgotten about.......sandcastles, candy floss oh I could go on for hours and hours. Talk to your OH and only start if you are sure but DONT think you wont be a good mother. I mean bloody hell even Jade Goody seems to be making and OK bash of it. All kids need are hugs and lots of love...thats IT!!!! HONEST!!! (ok they need clothes, food etc...but you know what I mean).
You will be marverllous and dont let these feelings you have delay you having a baby any longer. The fact that you are thinking about your feelings shows you are a sensible and mature woman who has so much to give to a baby.
Good Luck
Di xxx
I am like momma king, I think! I rarely get over emotional about other people's children, and they don't tug on my heartstrings. At the same time, I am aware that I have more of a 'maternal streak' than i tend to let on to anyone else! I have quite a practical nature and, although I can be, I am not normally described as 'nurturing' because I have quite a strong personality (not in a bad way, I hasten to add!).
Dee, your post was lovely and made me feel so much better about things. I do think that I have a lot to give to a child, but have been so 'independent' for so long and got so used to not really showing that soft side of myself - it's only since I've got to know Mark that I've really wanted to show the softer side of my personality, and certainly only since I've known him that I wanted tp contemplate starting a family. I think about it a lot, but also tend to let the less emotional side of 'me' take over - just have to get used to that change!
Mich, your comments on how you feel and how you feel about having another child also make me feel better about my own concerns. It's good to see that I am not alone in not being overly 'over the top' about other people's children and that I would still be a great mother to my own in any case!
And, Wilko - we could compare notes from time to time, maybe?! Seems like we are singing from the same hymn sheet! Now that Mark is back from working away, we are going to be in a position to see how things go re getting pregnant, and I still have the same concerns, though I feel a lot more positive now having read the feedback! It's good to know others are or have been in the same boat!
Thanks to you all!
regards
BG