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Wanting TTC advice
Hi everybody, I'm a newbie so sorry if this isn't in the right place.??The long and short of this is I am desperate to TTC. It physically aches in my ovaries, makes me cry and I am virtually an emotional wreck!I'm 21, which yes I realise is young, but I'm a graduate with a 2:1 hons degree, doing a post grad in teaching, in my own flat with my oh of 3 years.2 years ago we had an accidental pregnancy but mc days after we found out.I'm literally desperate for a child and don't know how long I can wait. But my oh doesn't want to yet, for financial reasons, though I think we would be fine money wise. He wants to wait anywhere from 2-5 years. He's not willing to help by giving me a timeline or anything.??I really don't know what to do, I don't want to pressure him obviously but at the same time I feel he's being unfair when I feel so strongly.??Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thanks xx
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Hiya Jessica, just read your blog. How you doin g? Im sorry you are stuck in this dilemma! Its bloody hard being a woman... Ive just come to the conclusion that men just dont get and understand this broodyness and longing to be a mum which we do. Is bloody hard work feeling like this isnt it? So your partner wants to wait, obviously it is up to the two of you as to when to start a family. Ive learnt since my mc in May that we can never be 100 percent prepared for a baby but i think as a women when we feel ready to be a mum we can do v little about it as it takes over us. Thats how I feel anyway. What you going to do? Hope this helpsxx
I completely agree with the above! When your ready, your just ready!
I hope you work something out but im going to say the boring stuff.....you have plenty of life to lead yet and their is no rush. Children require a lot of your time and attention (that isnt meant to sound patronising) and you have plenty of time to live life without kids yet.
I can understand that frustrating feeling though when you have another person stopping you from proceeding with what you really want in life. Been there! Perhaps you will have to work on him a bit more such as babysitting other peoples kids, walking past Mothercare, keep on about how much you want a baby, having the chat about kids in a light hearted way and not so serious.
There will be the right time for both of you. xxxxx
I understand he's not broody but I feel like he's being inconsiderate by not taking how I feel into consideration and just putting his foot down.
We would be relatively tight on money but I tried to explain I'd spend however long putting money aside to make him happier.
He doesn't understand money will always be tight when it comes to children.
I have no idea what to do. I just want this feeling to end. I've tried putting myself off with nappies, crying and barely sleeping which is just not working, instead I get excited about the thought of it!
Xxx
Hiya, I agree with what mumtoizzy says about you having pleanty of time on your site etcccc... but i understand what you mean by always thinking about it. Have you told your boyf how you feel? Does he understand this feeling and longing for a baby you have?xx
It's as if my body's trying to pressure me into it! Haha.
I've told him and he says he understands but then when he gives me such vague responses I don't feel like he possibly can.
If I could turn these feelings off I'd wait as long as he wanted because I love him and want it to be him. But I don't know what to do when I can't. xx
I understand he's not broody but I feel like he's being inconsiderate by not taking how I feel into consideration and just putting his foot down.
We would be relatively tight on money but I tried to explain I'd spend however long putting money aside to make him happier.
He doesn't understand money will always be tight when it comes to children.
I have no idea what to do. I just want this feeling to end. I've tried putting myself off with nappies, crying and barely sleeping which is just not working, instead I get excited about the thought of it!
Xxx
Hi Jessica, I'll be keeping an eye on this thread as I'm new too and would love to hear advice from everyone x
I don't know if this will help anyone but me and my oh have had a good breakthrough talk.
He struggles with talking so I asked him to write down the things he'd like to do before ttc. I did the same. We looked at eachothers and realised they were the same down to a t.
We then actually talked and decided that January will be when we weigh up finances, and possibly, hopefully start trying.
I think putting it down on paper and laying it all out really helps things, whether you do it together or not.
It turns out he just wanted to be more secure and he was just worried.
I'm still hormonal, but January is a mere few months away so I'm more than happy to wait.
I've made a list for me for all the things I can do in these months I couldn't do pregnant which is also nice
Xx
My husband and I had a similar thing (I'm even in the same career as you, just further down the line in a permanent position).
I freaked out on my 29th birthday (Nov) that we'd left it too late (seriously messed up cycles, no ovulation), sprung it on him that I wanted to ttc... he freaked out big style and when I said I wanted to try from Christmas, he said May and I went slightly psycho of "You don't understand what it's like!" etc etc.
We did a similar thing to you, talked through everything around January time and found that we wanted exactly the same sorts of things for ourselves and each other. As I ran out of my pill in Feb, I said I was nipping to the doc to refill...then HE (shock horror!) suggested I might as well just stop. My jaw hit the ground!
What I would say though, is with the career you are going into, you have to be employed for a certain amount of months (13, I think) before you qualify for any other than stat. maternity pay (which is next to nothing) and it's worth completing your NQT year for peace of mind - when it's done, it's done for good! You're completely right when you say about that you'll never feel as though you can afford kids, but for the sake of waiting a few months to ensure more financial support could be a godsend. After all, you don't want to have to rush back to work when you have a precious little bundle at home
Talking is a huge thing, but I think approaching it can be really hard, even more so with the ones you really love. I'm so glad you sorted it and feel happier - it's a huge decision and it's great to know you're both on the same page now.. and get working on the list of things to do!!
Lots of luck!