Hello and is there ever a right time to TTC?
Hi,
Feels very strange to finally be writing here after stalking this forum (oops) following my wedding in the summer where I was a Hitched regular. I have been very broody for the past few months but my husband had said he wanted to wait a while. Then he did a bit of a U-turn at the weekend and said he wants to start trying immediately and had been feeling like this for a while. I really want to start trying and we havent used protection since the weekend but his out of the blue view sort of threw me as I was thinking it'd be a year or more until he wanted to, and I wasn't going to rush or pressurise so hadn't considered the practicalities of it being soon.
I am wondering if now is the 'perfect' time. I was considering looking for a new job. Although I enjoy my job and would be looking for the same role I just wanted a more exciting variety. We also were considering buying a house (although I love my flat and we have 2 bedrooms), but if we moved now we might struggle to afford the maternity leave much more. Although I worry about trying to buy a house later if I was part-time and on less salary.
I am normally very much someone who thinks with their head and is uber sensible, and this is very much a decision of the heart. Part of me is thinking change the job and home and then start, but a much much stronger and larger part (that I dont think I or my partner can ignore) is saying try for a baby and sort the rest in the meantime or later as they are not huge problems - is that mad?? This is very rambly but as I dont feel I can discuss with anyone but my partner as wanted to keep our TTC quiet I am more trying to get my thoughts straight after he surprised me at the weekend!
Replies
PS changed name from Hitched in case anyone confused.
There will never be a perfect time, there will always be something that we can use to think maybe its not the right time, I would move and find a new job because unfortunately not everyone falls pregnant the first time they try, have you any known problems or has hubby?..
Btw welcome to MD
Thanks for taking the time to reply CC. Sorry I didnt make it v clear, I meant sorting job and housing whilst TTC or at a later point, and the alternative option as waiting to get job and housing sorted before TTC. One thing that stalking these threads has taught me as you point out is ttc is not always simple or short. There are no known problems for either of us.
Ah sorry, maybe I read it wrong, personally I would sort a new job and housing although if you did fall pregnant quickly you may not be entitled to much materniy wise, that would be worth thinking about? Could you livevof SMP? Is changing jobs desperate?
You could also be lucky and fall pretty quickly
If you both want to start I would just get on with it, but not put your life on hold. We had no know issues though after over a year of trying H's SA came back low, three months later it was above normal by a good amount but it still took us 20 months of trying to get pregnant. If we had put our lives on hold whilst we tried we wouldn't have gone to Japan on a big holiday, skied and snowboarded, had various other breaks away including energetic walking and paddling trips, I wouldn't have got a new job or promotion (which i love!), or started a MA, H wouldn't have started a leadership course and got promoted and we wouldn't have moved house. It's easy for me to say that now with hindsight, but had we put TTC on hold until we had done all that we could be looking at a potantially 18 months more of trying, now we are expecting in September. (I hope that makes sence)
Obviously you have to do what is best for you both. Money may come into it if job changes willl effect your maternity pay badly. We decided we would cope if that happened with us, luckily it wasn't an issue. I plan to return to work full time so that isn't an issue for us either.
We were unlucky that it took so long, but I am so glad we didn't put our life on hold whilst we were TTC.
Thanks again. Changing jobs is not desperate as I do enjoy the job, just want it to be slightly more exciting. I had looked into maternity pay, and as I work for the Local Authority and would take continuous service to another Local Authority I would miss out on a minimal amount of maternity pay.
In your shoes I see no reason to not start TTC. If you decided to put work or house first you could be waiting months/years for the perfect house or job to come up and all the while you've put off trying. You have a spare room already so Soave in your current flat is sufficient for at least a few years assuming you fall pregnant immediately.
Go for it! And good luck
Kk
Ps welcome to MD
I would have to agree with the other ladies!
Thanks so much everyone. I think most are echoing what I already thought, start if that is what we want (it so is) but also do other things. Def not putting things on hold - going away 4 out of the next 6 weekends!
Short answer: no.
I would say though, please don't put your life on hold while TTC. If you want to move house or jobs then do, so long as you can survive financially with the worst (or best
) case scenario.
Good luck, x
Like everyone else says there is no right time. I think there will always be that what if situations. Money wise - I am a big believer (and from my own experience) truly believe that you will find a way to cope - so don't let money be a factor. If you're not entitled to smp you may be entitled to the maternity allowance assuming you've worked so many weeks in a set time (sorry I can't remember the details). Unfortunately as a supply teacher I hadn't fulfilled that and because H is also a teacher and earning over 25k we are not entitled to anything else (except child benefit) - we just adapted, we don't have 2 cars anymore - which is the big one... but we have our beautiful girl and living in a rented 2bed house isn't stopping us ttc #2 as at the end of the day they would be in our room the first few months anyway. Basically just follow you heart, I guess is what I'm saying. Good luck x
I think you've got the answer you were looking for I'll just add - how exciting that OH has decided he's ready!!
Hello. I would agree with everyone else! Go for it as there's never a right time, but carry on living and doing things you were planning on doing anyway! Feel free to come and join the TTC threads if you want to or when you feel ready.
Veecee it is so exciting that i seem unable to sleep. Not quite ready to join TTC daily threads, but learning lots! Thanks all